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Is it ok to throw a 25th Anniversary party @ a restaurant for my parents where guests pay - (dutch treat)?


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della585
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 1:52 pm Post subject: Is it ok to throw a 25th Anniversary party @ a restaurant for my parents where guests pay - (dutch treat)?

I know it is generally not proper etiquette to have a "Dutch Treat" celebration but my brother and I are both young (20-22) and cannot afford to throw our parents a 25th Anniversary party where we pay for the guests. We would like to invite some close family & friends to join us at a local, inexpensive restaurant - where they could pay their own way. Is this acceptable if we provide the cake & some champagne/wine?Also - how should I word the informal invitations? I would like to mention it is a dutch treat and no gifts are expected. The guests "precense is their present".

Rachel
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:05 pm Post subject:

It is a bit tacky, and having so many people there celebrating may lead to arguements as to who owes more for their meal than the other. I would skip the restaraunt idea alltogether, and try something simple. Perhaps you could plan an evening out for the two of them alone, or take just the two of them to dinner. Your parents will understand if you cannot afford to throw them a lavish party.

cookiesmom
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:05 pm Post subject:

yes it is acceptable...you mentioned close friends and family and for an informal occasion its okay and will not be minded...and since it is an informal event i would just invite the guests in person and make it known that it is a casual dinner where each guest will be paying for their meal however no gifts are expected and cake and champagne will be provided

lfh1213
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:05 pm Post subject:

Nope. It's improper to have a party and expect the guests to pay (except in the case of a cash bar where the drinks are optional--and personally I think even that is tacky).If you need to have a cheap or free do, host it at your home as a dessert or after dinner gathering.

One step down from God
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:09 pm Post subject:

As long as the guests are aware of the position beforehand, it's acceptable, but a little bit downmarket.Why not arrange a barbie on the beach. (I'm in the UK, so that may not be an acceptable alternative, but you know what I mean.)

spadezgurl22
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:23 pm Post subject:

pot luck dinner is the way to go, i suggest sending out invites assigning people to bring a entree, dessert or appetizer. this way all basics are covered, u provide, cake, beveragesd and decorations. this will be more polite and ur parents will have lots to talk about esp everyones different dishes. plan to have it as a surprise party, leave it up to your brother who is 22 to take them out for a celebratory drink, maybe recruit an aunt or uncle to help u set up and etc, then call ur brother tell him to bring them back and its a huge surprise!

bumblebee
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:25 pm Post subject:

Hi, I don't think it would be acceptable to ask guests to pay for their own restaurant meal. Since the guests are family and friends how about hiring a function room or Church hall, which should be a reasonable price, and ask guests to bring along a plate of food to share.(I believe this is called an American Supper). You could provide a cake as a centrepiece and wine for the toast. The room/hall could be decorated by you and made to look really nice, this would not cost much to do. You could provide the music yourself,perhaps a selection of their favorite songs over the past 25years. You could download front page newspapers from days in the past, the wedding day, your birthdays etc. This will provide good material for any speeches made by you or your brother. This would be a very personal tribute by you both. Hope all goes well whatever you decide.

Chicka
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:53 pm Post subject:

I think it is acceptable. Let me explain, if phone your guest (close friends and family) and say he we are going to gather for my parents anniversary people will usually assume they will pick up their own tab. Rather than saying it's a party - then they will assume you guys are picking up the tab. It's all about the wording... Remember say lets gather for my parents anniversary.

LX V
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 3:02 pm Post subject:

If you can't afford to host the party then change it.Have a backyard BBQ or go to a cheaper place.Or invite everyone to your place for an informal potluck. "A bunch of us are getting together to honor my parents. We're doing it potluck style if you're interested in coming."

cocoaroma
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 3:37 pm Post subject:

Sorry, but a "pay your own way" dinner party is downright tacky, and in my opinion, a "potluck" dinner is still a bring your own food thing and is not appropriate for a 25th Wedding Anniversary and may embarrass your parents.A casual barbeque may be a reasonable alternative. You and your brother can supply hamburgers, hotdogs, chips, potato salad, soda, etc. Just make sure you have enough. This can be done very inexpensively, even for a fairly large gathering.Also, be sure to decorate the house and yard and make it a personal occasion. You can put on the invitations "casual family style barbeque" so no one comes overdressed in formal wear or a suit.Good luck.

monkeymom
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 9:56 pm Post subject:

You should reconsider the plans because it would be completely improper to invite guests to a party and then expect them to pay. (Do you have any grandparents or aunts/uncles who could contribute to the cost of the party if you have it at a restaurant?)However, if you arranged for a home party then you could ask guests to bring a dish. That way they have control over what they can afford to spend on the food. If you want it to be a surprise for your parents, perhaps you can ask a close friend to host the party at their house.

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