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Is it greedy to be upset family members did not buy us a wedding gift ?

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rocky76
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 3:57 pm Post subject: Is it greedy to be upset family members did not buy us a wedding gift ?

My husbands, brother and sister in law, sister, aunt and uncle as well as a close cousin did not buy us a wedding gift. We had a very nice reception, sit down dinner, open bar, dancing etc. We spent about $100/guest. I am a bit annoyed that they didn't bother to get us a gift. They are all fairly well off so it seems rude to me. I don't understand why they brushed off buying a wedding gift for us. Is it greedy to be upset with them ?I guess I am more upset by the message it sends not that I didn't receive an actual gift.

warren v
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:02 pm Post subject:

Not greedy, just disappointed.

vle045
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:02 pm Post subject:

Unfortunately, it is greedy. Wedding gifts are actually not required according to etiquette. You are hosting a party and should not expect to get anything in return.But I know it still seems rude. I had a cousin who did the same thing... but knowing her, that's what I expected.

norakelly29@yahoo.com
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:06 pm Post subject:

it was cheap and rude of them. What is the message ? if they did not approve they should have declined and stayed home

chrissy
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:06 pm Post subject:

well its not required but i find it common courtesy to do it,

twosey
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:07 pm Post subject:

the purpose of your party is to invite friends and loved ones to celebrate your special day. most people bring gifts. they didn't. what can you do?i couldn't afford to give my brother a gift that i thought was appropriate, so i settled for a heartfelt card.

becky b
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:08 pm Post subject:

Your question makes me very sad for you. Is it about the gifts or about people you love sharing your important day with you? You have no idea what actual financial position they are in. They may project something different than reality. Besides, people who are well off tend to have the tightest purse strings. Regardless of that, greed is an understatement. I hope your conscience is nagging you, it should be.

Sofia Cruise
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:10 pm Post subject:

If you have more than what your family members have, and they are in a situation to where they cannot afford to buy any gifts then you are being greedy.

mazell41
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:11 pm Post subject:

I can tell that your feelings are hurt. There is nothing wrong with that. There may be a very good reason, why don't you ask & find out? Would you have felt worse if they hadn't even bothered to attend the wedding? I guess I'm just saying, don't let it bother you too much. Shake it off. Ask yourself if it will really matter 5 yrs. from now. Life is much too important to be taken too seriously.

Bill
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:18 pm Post subject:

Well, let's review:You invite people to your wedding because you want to share your joy as you begin your married life together. The per-person cost is not an investment which one hopes to recoup in gifts.A gift is something one gives when they deem it appropriate and their circumstances permit. It is not mandatory.Yes, you're being greedy. You're focused on this missing gift instead of the joy of your marriage.Sheesh.

CindyLu
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:22 pm Post subject:

Woah honey. did you expect guests to spend the same amount you spent for them at the reception? T-A-C-K-E-Y. People are under NO obligation to give you anything at all no matter how much you spent per head. A gift is just that, a gift. You do not know what the reasons might be behind you not getting a gift. Perhaps they had to choose between the light bill and another set of glasses for you. Yes you do sound greedy and petty and inconsiderate of others. You have no reason to be upset and if you are perhaps you should not have spent so much money on people at your reception especially those who did not "live up" to your expectations. Shame on you

PixdeeArtist
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:38 pm Post subject:

Even if they were not well off, they should have least given you a card! If they can afford the gas to the reception, they can afford that much. I think you are right to be upset. However, people supposedly have up to a year after the wedding to give you a gift. Maybe after they hear about what other people they got you they will feel embarrassed enough to get you something (especially if someone says "what did you get them?")

sunshinedtm4747
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:44 pm Post subject:

I'd be upset if I were you. It would be different if they didn't have money or the means, or if the wedding/reception was cheap. The only way I see this not rude (it's not required they get you a gift) is if they offered you some services in place of a gift, like if they helped you plan and do stuff for the wedding.

kill_yr_television
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:45 pm Post subject:

Did they send you a thank you letter or note expressing gratitude for the lovely dinner? If not, they should have. While an accompanying gift is optional, the thank you letter itself is NOT. The polite way to be a real cat about this is to ask someone on your husband's side of the family if "something happened" at the event since "some people don't seem to enjoyed the reception." Don't mention any names. Of course, I urge you to be gracious rather than catty, and say nothing.

My thoughts
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:46 pm Post subject:

I would be hurt too. A gift is a gesture of goodwill and they should have given something.Greed isn't the point. The issue is that it makes one wonder if they are trying to say something.

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