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Still in Love with Ex-Wife?


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hakon_d
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:55 pm Post subject: Still in Love with Ex-Wife?

I am still in love with my ex-wife, but she wants no romantic attention from me. I recently told her I thought the only reason she divorced me was because I was bipolar, and I felt her desire not to have romantic attention from me was because it conflicts with her image of me as a mentally ill individual incapable of love. I did this yesterday, so it is hard to know what her reaction will be in the long run. Anyway, I have been in treatment for two years now, on medication, and I am not the man I was when we divorced. I told her I felt I was becoming the man she thought she fell in love with. When we were married and I was healthy we were both very happy. It was only the last year of our marriage that went really bad when my illness got worse and I was physically violent on two occasions. My question is how do I subtely woo her without romantic words, gifts, flowers, and poetry? We still talk three times a week.I have tried being there for her at every turn by the way, but I fear she just takes that for granted.I need to clarify she has not totally rejected the idea of getting together someday. So adivce to move on is useless. Too, we have children together so no contact is not possible.

♥♥♥
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:57 pm Post subject:

you got a serious problem my brotha

njood_1985
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:58 pm Post subject:

go out there

Chuck T
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:58 pm Post subject:

Dude move on , it isn't going to happen , close all contact ....

ranch_tester
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:59 pm Post subject:

Just expose yourself and then say " are you ready?"

G.V.
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:59 pm Post subject:

So much for "For better or for worse." I would just do what you are doing.

*Angie*
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:59 pm Post subject:

when its over its over. I dont mean to be rude but she oviously doesnt want to have anything to do with you. If it didnt work out the first time chances are it wont a second. Just move on you can do it! im sure you have a good head on your sholder.. there are other women out there! show her you can do better.

Heckler99
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:00 pm Post subject:

Sounds like you need to face the reality of this situation: she doesn't want you.

mortimer201
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:01 pm Post subject:

The thing is, you have to realize how unsettling it must have been for your wife when you were physically violent towards her. Even if your actions were a result of your bipolar disorder, I think she was wondering, "How do I know this isn't going to happen again?" The key is to spend a lot of time with with her as friends and show her that you are a different man.

AUNTY EM
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:06 pm Post subject:

I am sorry for your situation. It is no easy task. May I suggest that you use the talk time you get to make her laugh. Laughter is by far the most romantic thing anyone can give without being soppy. She needs to remember what you had before. If you have funny stories about times you shared then you start with the 'Remember when...' stuff and make her laugh and recall. Its also important for her to see you making a success of your life so make sure you are in a decent home and perhaps ask her for design tips (because you remember she was good at that...compliment but not soppy - get the idea?). Ensure that you discuss your work in a positive and amusing way...a bit like a soap story. My husband comes home every night and tells me what all the characters at his work got up to and all the funny things that happened. I rely on this as a 'fix' for my 'soap update'. It makes me love him more! Keeping things light hearted but dropping in bits about you getting on well will make you attractive to most women! I hope you can work it out but she lost the trust when you were violent and you need to bring it back. Good luck.

rukidden99
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:07 pm Post subject:

Wow....that is a lot to comprehend ... I can imagine for her too. Your question is how to control her....that's not gonna happen and it shouldn't be your focus. You lose site of the fact that the only person you control is you! If you talk 3 times a week and she is comfortable with that,then stick with that, you see it's working. Marriages that last, have unconditional love. Few couples today rely on this concept, hence the failure ratio of relationships. If you feel she takes your being there for granted, you miss the fact that she should be able too. If you want your relationship to last, stop having expectations and let love happen.

vicky_welch2002
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:17 pm Post subject:

hi,when two people marry,it suppose to be until death.but now more marriages break up because 1 or the other partners cant or wont live with their promise.[sickness,health,rich,poor,etc....} the vows that people make to 1 another are not just words,they suppose to be the way we live.maybe this will help.good luck

choicemaker1979
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:21 pm Post subject:

I am not sure you will like what I will say. Either it will make you sad because you already realize it but you are in denial or you never considered it and it's hitting you now. Nothing you do or not do will influence what she feels. You have clearly stated your love and even tried. She said no. You will have to go with it. Move on. If she realizes you will not wait forever, she might act. Life goes on, people change, grow, have change of hearts, you name it. The trick is to remain sane in this maddness we call life. But don't ever spend more than a little while on someone who doesn't respond to your affection. Don't miss out on life just because she is indecisive. Nobody is the boss of you but you. With time you will become more self-protective so that it never happens again that you get completely immersed in someone else. I can understand how hard that could be since you are bipolar. But try. Good luck!

kitten_6805
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:54 pm Post subject:

I was in this situation. even know i will allways love my Ex.and only want the best for him. i could never forget the physical tormant he put me thru. it mite not be that she dosent love you she just cant forget the past....GOOD LUCK

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