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newme2008
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:15 pm Post subject: Overinundated with gift giving and many family members - any advice? |
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| I am overwhelmed with gift giving in my husband's large family. He has 3 siblings, 2 of them have spouses, 1 baby, and he has 2 parents. 8 people total plus my mother=9! There’s always some event coming up: bday, baptism, anniversary, Mom /Dad day etc. I usually don’t mind these events because they’re spread out over the year evenly. But Christmas is adding up and it’s near our anniversary and husband’s sister’s bday & my mothers! We are on 1 income and never have credit card debt. We have a young son, money can be tight especially when we want to save a good % of his paycheck. He has student loans and all our bills have increased lately.Every month we seem to be out $50-100+ for average gift giving, or more at Xmas. I just don't like big gift giving. For Xmas, his family is doing a grab bag which is okay and easy.My problem is my husband's sister wants $50 cash for her bday from ea. couple to buy a pricey gift for herself (she works but stays at home rent free).I'm torn because yes she does give us a $25-ish gift at our birthdays and gives our son bday/Xmas gifts, but isn't this a lot to come out and ask for directly?If we give her $50 cash, it wouldn't be fair to others and we’d have to give everyone $50 each birthday. Now that would add up times 8 people and would break us. Earlier she asked for $100+ for the parents' anniv. gift. We said we couldn’t do it. It’ll just become a habit and we’re tight as it is. Since she works but lives at home rent free with minor bills, does she not understand our situation with a mortgage, student loans, baby bills, grocery bills, etc etc? What should I say or do? Please be nice – I’d appreciate your polite feedback either way. |
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Been There~Done That!
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Christmas should be for the children. No need to get extravagant on gifts for the adults.You do what you feel comfortable doing and never, let me repeat never let another family member guilt you into doing more than you can afford.It is the love and thought that is put into a gift not the cost of it or what everyone chipped in.You explain to her that your gifts will be of your choice this year and you can not afford to give over your means. If she does not understand that then she is a shallow person. And the cost of the gifts she gives you should not have any affect whatsoever on the cost of the gifts you give back. It is not what gift giving is all about.Stand your ground and be firm but polite about it. |
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Mary
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Tell her you can't afford to give her that kind of money. And tell her she doesn't need to give you anything either. That'll add up to money for her.My husband's brother and SIL (mostly SIL) used to give big gifts to everybody at Christmas, and expect the same. But we couldn't afford it, and didn't give in (we gave small gifts to direct family only, even though there were many more people at the Christmas celebration). It's not an issue now that they have children and realized they can't afford to spend that much and they decided it would be drawing names. |
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July
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Two options, I think, depending on how honest you feel comfortable being.If you aren't really comfortable, try something like: "Janie, I've already found you a gift that I thought you'd love, and Tom and I just don't have the money to for both. I hope you're not disappointed, because I know Tom & I both want you to have a simply wonderful b-day." Then go spend your twenty five dollars on her.If you're a bit more comfortable with her, you might speak to her or have your husband do so. Tell her what you told us: that you love your family and you'd love to have unlimited cash to spend on them. But you don't, and so you've made a budget that you must stick to.And a general FYI: the great thing about having kids is that people generally feel great about getting gifts associated with them. Can you have portraits made of your son? Maybe you can even take 'em yourself? Put the prints into inexpensive frames along with a fingerpainting from him or something? Cheap and dearly loved. |
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