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My wife, is leaving ,what do i do? hELP?


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vtxjay
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:28 pm Post subject: My wife, is leaving ,what do i do? hELP?

Every year except last ( I was overseas) she threatens to leave, take the children go to here dads. One year she took them to her moms. Found out later she is unbalanced and was given some meds from the doc..postpadom ex..ex.she still thinks its me whos messed up...i went to counceling i was told that i was a very smart and rational person and that some deeper issues lie in my wife(hense post pardom..seperated parents..abuse from mother) and that I would have a hard time.I love my kids both are gifted very smart 2 1/2 and 4 love them more than anything they keep me sane even on the most challenging days .The point is she tossed her ring into the wood stove screaming at me in front of the children, because i don'trespect what she does around here, the coats aren't hung up, the this, the that and everthing under the sun. my kids where crying and Then she left for the day to drain my account, I'm scarred,what do i do, what can she do, am i up the creek with no paddle and no $Sorry about the spelling. I have lost communication with my family for almost 4 years,because of events after the birth of my son, And have worked With a social/mh worker he recommended we go seperate, she felt he was, well.. she had nothing good to say.She is very good with the children and works from the house.I have no problems when i get home from work,giving her time to run out and take a break.I'm very easy going, yet if the house is not spotless my world does not stop ,it can be done later at night or the following day,Don't get me wrong i do clean and cook dinner Monday to friday bath and get the children ready for the next day,while she's out ,but when she gets home she still cleans after I have. Later she will imply i don't work hard and should keep busy untill everthing is done.( I know its not easy staying at home.) I find my self having less compassion,it happens over each year and feels like ground hog day (movie) anyway shes still not home its -14C and ice pelletsI would like to thank everyone for the great advise. i've been writing this quickly not paying close attention to spelling and grammer, Finding my self losing focus,with all the thoughts going on i hope some of the info answered some questions from other answers.I have to help my daughter back to bed. I will login later

Monkey M
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:33 pm Post subject:

take it from me say i never ment what i said or what u did say i luv u more then u will ever know please don't leave me i luv u all the world

Brandy
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:33 pm Post subject:

It does not sound like it is a good situation for your children. If marriage counseling does not work or she is unwilling to work it out, I would definatly look into seperating. It is hard when kids are involved, but sometimes it is better for hte kids (and parent) if they are not together. Do you have family or friends that you can stay with until you can get situated. Good luck!

Alisa
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:34 pm Post subject:

You celebrate that she's leaving, Yay!!! JK, talk to her, if you can find her, tell your kids, that she's just gone for a couple of days, so they won't freak out and miss their mommy. You did say she was unbalanced and needed med, maybe she needs them again. Oh yeah, take all the money you have in your account fast, if you still have any left.

whogivesashit
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:35 pm Post subject:

Its post partum depression and it needs professional treatment. Your wife needs a lot of psychological counseling because this sort of depression is cyclical. It will keep repeating until its too late and someone gets hurt. Better help her while its early. Some women have actually murdered their own kids due to this post-partum depression syndrome and its no joke. Once proven that it is PPD, I'm sure the state will help with medical expenses if you have insurance or something. If not, then find professional help immediately for her, and a spiritual counselor as well - to support both body and soul. If you love her, you'll help her.

Natasha W
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:38 pm Post subject:

OMG..... The Worst Part Is You Have No Money.... but think. If she loved you and your kids would she have left? You have to look both sides to. Do you ever say thank you to her? Or do you take her for granted? Do you think she is coming back?Ask family to help you. Thats all you really have right now. If you rent your house you better start looking fo anther job.... you in trouble.... SHE DRAINED YOU ACCOUNT!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!!!! YOU HAVE NO MONEY!!! you might as well take it to court. (You know if she doesnt come back or want to be with you any more) It might take a while. .... GOOD LUCK!!!

firemouse23
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:39 pm Post subject:

If she is that unstable then you need to fight for custody of your kids. She will mess them up and their smarts will be out the window if she does not get it together. You need to contact a lawyer now and not wait. You need to not allow her to take the kids with her when she goes. This goes beyond post-part. depression. She sounds bi-polar also. If she was abused by her mother and she has psychotic tendencies then she is at high risk to abuse her kids too if she has not gotten help for that. Her tirades in front of the kids is a form of abuse in and of itself. There are lawyers out there that work on a sliding fee scale and ones that work pro bono also. Contact the State Bar Association in your state for a list of good ones that can help you out. Good Luck

carol p
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:41 pm Post subject:

You need some help and you need to talk to a lawyer or someone who will give you some good advice and help you n the bad situation your in. Someone has to know that this woman is having mental problems and that could be very bad around the kids and because of this you could probably get them or at least temporary because of her problems. You need to get your finances in your name only and when she walks out you need to make note of all this cause this is i your favor and you need to be there for the kids as they need you most of all. good luck.

jpw115
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:42 pm Post subject:

There is a lot you can do. First, contact an attorney. Protect your rights. Make sure that the children come first. They need to be taken care of.If your wife has mental health issues she needs to address them. Making decisions as serious as the ones you are talking about when a person has MH problems it is best to wait until she is rational. You need to protect you assets alsoJust remember, the children come first regardless of what you do.

J M
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:42 pm Post subject:

Get a legal commitment order on her for MentalImbalance. Have her committed for PsychiatricEvaluation then after that. Prove her unfit Mom and keep the kids.

petite_j
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:43 pm Post subject:

i think you need to move on, as hard as it is honey

Jenny
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:49 pm Post subject:

One thing stood out from your whole paragraph: " the coats aren't hung up". What did you mean by this? (Plus, you spelled scared wrong.) Anyways, Have you ever thought about going to counseling together? My husband and I went and he kept "blaming" me even though I caught him several times on gay dating sites (anyways.. TMI, sorry.) He kept pointing a finger at me -- because I caught him doing something bad and that is why the relationship was ending... 89.99% of it anyways.I admitted my faults. He jumped corners.Does she admit hers and most importantly do you admit yours? If you really love this woman... show some empathy and read up on post pardom depression. Use "I feel" quotesinstead " you do this and that" because people become defensive when you poke blames.Also, I shall say that it must be hard living with someone that has this illness. It is crippling for them and for their family. Just remember that this illness is horryfying and terrible to go through. For some reason I feel that you lack a whole lot of compassion for her.

jvw2300
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:53 pm Post subject:

post partum is a very serious illness. Plus it sounds like even before that she probably was suffering from depression. It sounds like your wife needs some me time as well. Get a babysitter for awhile so she can rest and take some time to herself. I am sure she knows she needs help she just probably feels when you tell her you are criticizing her. If she wants to leave maybe she should but you should take the kids. With her post partum you never know what could happen. Depression is hard to understand because it is not easily detected like a broken leg or easily treated like with high blood pressure. She will need counseling and trial and error on medications. But it sounds like when she says she is going to leave she is feeling helpless not in control and unfortunately it is the people that are close to the person needing help is the person that gets hurt. She rants and raves because she is angry and hurting. Go to another room when she rants and raves or go for a walk. She wants you to respond to feed her anger. Hang in there nothing stays the same. At least you know if it doesn't work out you did the best you can and that is all you can do. The rest is up to her.

Shinji
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 8:15 pm Post subject:

I do not know about your state... but in Texas, he who files first wins. If she truly is a little off center and needs psychiatric help, you must remember your promises... "...in sickness and in health...". If you lack the ability to help her, and divorce is your only way out, then file before she does, and include a joint custody arrangement wherein you have primary conservatorship and decide in which home the children will live. If she is as you suggest, you may very well have to prove this to a Judge so you can win your claim and primary custody... always remember to keep the best interest of the children in your mind. Is it in their better interest to be in her home... or in yours? I would strongly advise finding a suitable attorney before she beats you to it.

ferochira
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 10:57 pm Post subject:

I just went through this with friends. My friend had Post Partum, by the time the child is 2yrs, it is no longer Post Partum. Anyway, her behavior became worse and worse. It got so bad i had to watch her during the day, so her husband could go to work, she unintentionally became a danger to the baby. We got her diagnosed at the hospital, gave her drugs she got worse, they took her into the Psychiatric ward, she walked out. Behavior became more and more erratic, moods, eating, sleeping patterns, energy levels. She too was abused. She ended up in a Psychiatric hospital permanently, I cared for the child for 8 months until family could take her in. The law will not help either, until she hurts or puts the child in danger. Only then will anyone help you. I am speaking of Canada. But help for the family's of the mentally ill, is almost non existant and for the mentally ill themselves no therapy or help exists, except DRUGS. And they do not know which one will work, so only by experimentation and alot of trying will they find the right one for the patient and the right dose. So this means the patient needs to be monitored by a doctor and at home. So dumping a drug on you wife was usless.Post Partum is over by the time the child is 2yrs. So your wife is now Mentally ill. And i'll not lie to you, things will get a whole lot worse for you and the kids. You need to seek legal advice, let the lawyer know what is going on, find out where you legally stand on this issue. Then call Child Protective Services or Kids Aid, do it annonomously if you wish, explain the situation to them, find out what kind of advice/help they can give. They were a great deal of help to the father in our case. If you have a family physician talk to him about the problem, see what he suggests. Try to get the wife to talk to a doctor at the emer. dept. of a hospital with a psychiatric dept. to help get her diagnosed and you need to be with her, trust nothing she says. If you can get her on the right meds it can make a huge difference. God, i wish i could help you more, but one thing i can tell you is you've got to be strong for the kids, they need you more than anything at this point. I can only pray you have a close family relationship that will be able to help support you through this. Look, if you need someone to lean on or talk to, feel free to e mail me, i totally understand the rollercoaster ride you may be about to take. Hang in there and remember, everything must come to an end sometime. I know you can do it...................those who have never dealt with this, have absolutely no clue as to what they are talking about, especially when it comes to the law and counseling is a ridiculas remark if you know anything about mental illness.

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