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Mother-in-Law Christmas Gift?


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Cinta
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:06 pm Post subject: Mother-in-Law Christmas Gift?

Ok, so I got my mother-in-law a jacket/blazer thing from Kohl's. Its what I thought was her style and my husband said yeah, she'd definately like it. Well, on Christmas Day when she unwrapped it, it seemed like she liked it, but when she tried it on, it didn't fit (it was a little too small). So when she left our house she gathered all her other gifts from everyone else and placed them in a bag and just sorta draped the jacket thing over the back of the chair in a rude way. Now, do I exchange it for her or what? She didn't say a word about it. Let me give you some background and maybe it will affect how you answer this. My husband is the baby of his family and is really, really close with his family. He's was very spoiled growing up and I think this affected things. Anyway, While I was pregnant with our first child this summer, I decided that I would write a letter to the our families asking that we have a couple of days when the baby is born to ourselves. My husband didn't supportme and he basically told his family that I was targeting them. We had a huge argument and he spent like a week at his mother's house. We eventually made up, but things haven't been the same since. Also, when I had the baby, his mother and sister basically acted as if it was a huge problem that my family was there. They rolled their eyes at my family when they came to hospital to visit me and my new son, they acted like it was a problem when my mother and sister came to visit and they had to leave the room so that we wouldn't be over the limit in visitors. And when I complained to my husband after the fact he basically told them everything I said and it was weird ever since. What do you think? Did this affect Christmas? I mean, I've made up with my sister-in-law...but I dunno.

LOVELY25
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:11 pm Post subject:

why would you write a letter for them to not come around. They are suppose to come around the first couple of days. You shouldnt have done that. The coat be nice and give her a gift receipt then that way you dont have to worry about it. She may consider you a bitchy person in a way due to your letter. I wouldnt blame her for disliking you after that. Good luck.

kerrbaby08
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:11 pm Post subject:

Well, normally when you give a present especially clothing you should include a gift receipt. This way she can go to Kohls and exchange it for a different size or buy something she likes instead.

MotherB
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:12 pm Post subject:

I would take it back and exchange it for a gift card. Tell her that you are sorry if you hurt anyones feelings with your request about having a couple of days to yourself but it is what you want right now. But honestly, speaking as a mother of four, you will probably want some help when the baby is born. The first dew days are really exhausting. You might want to rethink that, you will have plenty of "alone" time for years to come. And that I am sure did hurt here feelings, this will be her Baby's first Baby and she will want to be there. If my daughter-inlaw said I could not see my new grandbaby for a few days it would hurt my feelings to.

yayohelpme
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:13 pm Post subject:

so u think that because she did not like the jacket because ur hubby is sopiled and u want couple of days to ur self after giving birth. If u saw that the jacket did not fit, why not go and exchange it. its ur duty if u did not include a gift receipt. and in my opinion i think ur jealous of the realtionship of ur hubby and his mom. Giving birth is a blessing, and ur hubby mom and im sure ur parents want to share in the happiness. Trust me they wont stay too long, they have to go home.

~girlfriday~
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:13 pm Post subject:

It sounds like she expects you to "fix" the jacket situation. If it were me, since she didn't say a word, I'd take it back to the store, get a refund and forget about it. Don't replace it with another jacket in another size or anything else. Then see if she comes asking for her present! If she does, just tell her that she left it at your house and since it was too small, you took it back. Then see what she says. . .she sounds like the typical witch of a MIL. Sorry.

R. B.
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:14 pm Post subject:

I'm a mother-in-law. She's being a pain in the butt. I doubt your letter went over well. I see where you were coming from, but I also have close friends who are grandparents. Asking them to stay away for a couple days would have offended them so much. Don't dwell on this. Ask your husband if he'll see if she wants to return the jacket or wants one of you to do it. If she'd prefer you to do it, I'd get the money on a gift card and give it to her to pick out something she liked. You can always plead "they didn't have another size." And I know you were trying to buy something she would like. However there might be a little "trick" that might help solve this little issue from happening again. You shop for your family and he shops for his. (If he hates shopping, then go with him and help. But let it be HIM who gets the credit for picking it out.) Somehow that might actually make her happy. Even if it's from both of you, if she knows he picked it out, she might have a better attitude. It's worth a try! I'm sorry this happened. It's just not right, but there's not much you can do about it. Just don't beat yourself up over it because it's not worth it. You're doing great!

Douglas D
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:15 pm Post subject:

I would take it as an indication from her that she would like you to exchange it for her. Give her a call, & see if she would like to go with you so she can try on the jacket and be sure that it fits, or at least she can tell you her true coat size. You will probably get more info about her true feelings on the jacket from such a call.I have found that some women are sensitive about publicly discussing their clothing sizes. Maybe she didn't want to get into it with you in front of the others that were present at the time.

Natalie
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:17 pm Post subject:

Well first of all I don't think you have done ANYTHING wrong in your requests about the baby. I'm actually very dissapointed in your husband. He should stand by you first and foremost! To me... he violated your trust and that would throw a huge rift in the situation. I'm really sorry that you've found yourself in this situation. I really don't see your Family in Law coming around on their own so really I think the only way to get peace back in the family is to swallow your own anger and pride (which would be riduculously hard for me!) and kill them with kindness. Yes I would exchange it for her and if you live close to her just bring it to her. But if not send it along with a note that says, "Here you go! I'm sure you didn't mean to forget it at my house. But I went ahead and took the liberty of exchanging it for the correct size. I hope this one works out better and I want to thank you again for spending the holidays with us, it means a lot." Something like that... people find if very difficult to be bitter or mean when you're just so sugary sweet. I hope this helps a little. Don't worry and keep your chin up but I would definatly have a serious "Privacy talk" with your husband to avoid any future complications! Good Luck and Happy New Year!

momof3
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:19 pm Post subject:

the letter you wrote was a little rude and probably offended everyone; maybe you should write another one apologizing for the 1st letter. As for the gift; call your mother in law and let her know she left the gift at your house..ask her if she would like for you to exchange it and for what size..then talk to your husband..he needs to really support you and stand up for you to his family. Let him know if his mom disrespects you that you expect him to speak up for you and if he does not think he should then I would not go to any of his family functions until he learns to respect you...

choiceav
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:25 pm Post subject:

Sorry to say you should have never wrote that letter, you never come between a your husband and he's family. and he should never take to pull you from yours. Just put your self in her place ( you mother in law) twenty fives years form now when you son wife send out the same letter how would that make you feel?Take back the jack and get her size, take it over by yourself and take her that your sorry for everything even the letter. Tell her you never meant to hurt her but you know how she felt and you never wanted to hurt her or any else. Now you sating in her seat with your own children.Good luck

lindy lou
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 5:44 pm Post subject:

I would say if you want things to be better with hubby, you need to me more considerate of his family. Your letter was WRONG! You child's grandma should be a big part of his life. I have two small grandchildren and would of been hurt beyond words to be excluded.You sound like you are looking for excuses to not like her because he is the baby of the family and spoiled. Nothing in this post indicates that he is spoiled, just you are jealous of his relationship with his family. As you are married now you should become part of the relationship with this close family. She was probably rolling her eyes because it appears it was OK with you for your family to be present but you sent a letter to her it wasn't OK for them.The jacket thing you are over reacting about. She very well might have been embarrassed it was to small and didn't want to make a big deal about it. If you did not include a gift receipt what choice does she have put leave it with you.

Kat G
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 7:48 am Post subject:

There is a reason why husband and wife should not tell their families everything that goes on in a marriage. After you and him make up the family holds a grudge and will not get over it as easy. Your husband should be smart enough to know when to keep his big mouth shut. 2nd what you said about having a few days before all family visits was not a big issue. That is normal after giving birth and being pregneant for 40 weeks you would want a few days before people intrude. You felt the need to send that letter as your mother in law has no consideration or common sence. If you were my in law I would understand and respect that. Only a control freak with no life and has nothing better to do would make a big deal over it. As far as your mom and mother in law let them deal with each other if they have to stay out of it. I am sure your mom can hold her own. Don't fight with your husband over his mother. For the jacket give it to your hubby and say your mom forgot this. Let him answer her on who is changing it. If he remarks it's to small tell him you thought she might want to return it and pick out another size or some thing Else she might like or I can just get her another size or exchange it for a gift card. Let him make the call. This way when it back fires which it will you can address the problem she makes to him. As from the way it sounds no matter what you do she will find a problem. His family he deals with it. Next year buy her a gift card from American Express she can then shop for herself. Just wondering why her loving son has no idea on his mother's size or what she would like. I find it funny that "ALL the terrible no good daughter in laws that are jelous" make the time to buy there mother in laws a gift and their sons sit back and do nothing.

happy grandma
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 10:46 am Post subject:

I'm sorry for your dilemma, but she is your child's grandmother. Don't make light of that bond. It does sound somewhat like you were favoring your family over his. As far as the jacket goes, I agree, just take it back and get a gift card for her. Simple as that. Think about it, is it really that big of a deal to get so upset?It is perfectly fine for you husband to be close to his family. You should be close to yours too.I have a question, why did you write the letter to the families without your husband's support? Did you do it behind his back or did you just send it our regardless of his feelings?Learn to pick your battles. Mother-in-laws are not perfect, nor are daughter-in-laws, don't turn every mistake into a mountain.

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