Why is it that my wife left me, I found out she was having an affair, I forgave her and was willing to...?
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luedvic
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 6:59 pm Post subject: Why is it that my wife left me, I found out she was having an affair, I forgave her and was willing to...? |
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| ...to try to make it work out by going to counseling and stuff. But she's the one acting viscious, angry, hateful, violent and threatening everytime I try to speak to her. She's acting as if I was the one that cheated on her.Added background: I never hit/beat her, I was not an alcoholic, I don't do drugs. My biggest gripe would've been playing video games, that's about it. I worked hard, took care of my son, I did give her attention, I did take care of her, I did buy her gifts and flowers often, I did tell her I loved her and I did please her in/out the bedroom.Oh, don't get me wrong...after several months now, I am totally over it. I was deeply hurt in the beginning and thought I did something wrong by beating myself up over how I should've been better.Today, I realize there is NOTHING wrong with me and I'm so over her. I was just asking this question out of curiosity because in talking about my problems with people, I met a female freind who's husband cheated on her and he's being ultra-mean and aggressive. |
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secretsecret16
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Is she still seeing him? Maybe she wants to leave you for him. |
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atotalsecretmailbox
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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| She is pushing you away because you are too good of a husband. Guaranteed her father is either an alcoholic or left her with her mother before she was out of high school. |
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ScSpec
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:06 pm Post subject: |
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| She wouldn't have had an affair if she still cared for you...sorry. Now she is angry that you will forgive her. She may have expected you to end the marriage when you found out, so now she has to do it, that may be causing her to feel twice as guilty. Not sure just a guess. If she is unwilling to see a counselor and work on the marriage you have no where else to go but...over and out. |
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dragonfire
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:08 pm Post subject: |
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| because she does not like to look in the mirrorall cheater suffer from the denial syndromeyou could have all the stacked evidence of an affair in front of them and they would still furiously deny itno one wants to admit they are a fundamentally flawed personhence why they fight backthe thing with cheater isit's not about youit's never about youso do not try to even justify how good you are, as she does not care, cheaters are flawed people with flawed logic skill, so you cannot rationalize with themquit being the victim in thisshe is leaving youand you must move on ( it's also why you never try counseling, as it hard to bargain with someone who inherently is flawed, lies , dishonorable and cannot be trusted )and next time do not be so blindas cheaters always have a pattern of lying, deception and what not |
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lady_phoenix39
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:10 pm Post subject: |
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| She's doing something we call "projection" in the world of therapists.That means that she's "projecting" onto you the things that she is actually doing herself....it's a defense mechanism.You need to get a divorce, hon. She's unhealthy and you don't need that. |
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dreamgirl1981
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:16 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm sorry about your situation, but it sounds like your wife really doesn't want to be with you, she'd rather be with the other guy. I mean, you are doing everything trying to save your marriage, but she won't even speak civilly to you? What a pity!I would suggest you ask her straight out, if she wants a divorce, and if she says, "yes", then get a divorce. You did your best, and she is the one who has committed adultery, you have the best grounds to leave her, and file for divorce. In time, you will find a nice, good woman, who will be faithful to you. Hope everything works out! All the best ! |
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pussycat
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Sorry to say this, but she got caught up with this new guy and feels she is in love with him now. You are doing the right thing by acting 'the adult' in this situation. Unfortunately, she may find out too late what she had in you was what she really wanted.She is pushing you away the only way she knows how. Try to take care of yourself right now; she has made her choice; time you started on the way to healing and letting this one go. She is not the woman you thought you had. Sounds as if you deserve much better. Try not to be bitter; not all women will throw away a marriage on a whim; many believe in their vows and committment. Good luck to you. |
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fairymama23
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:17 pm Post subject: |
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| Ok I have been the one doing what she is doing and I will tell you this right now, she is doing this because you are too good to her and she knows she can get away with it.Simple as that! Take it from someone who has been through what she is doing.She is not happy with you for some reason and whatever that reason may be is making her angry weither it is your fault or not |
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cristelle R
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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| when a spouse usually wants to go ... they go- period. They will come up with every reason in the book to make you look bad... but ...it takes two to tango, it takes two not just one and sadly to say divorce is a hard and hurtfull thing for something that is suppose to be an institution for a life time .. you love someone you marryand it if it doesnt work. it hurts- it hurts way down to the core of our deepest centers- but life goes on. It has its merry way and we find a new hope and possibly love for our future ... and if you do learn the lesson, then cling on to it with all your might - or else this sentence shall be repeated again and again and again..... |
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Question Everything
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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| You sound mechanical. In reading the question you sounded like a checklist... I did this, I did thus, therefore I am a good father / husband entitled to (WHAT)? Marriage is not "I kissed you this morning, took out the trash, wiped the baby's butt, so leave me alone." Marriage is the deepest emotional ride you will ever take, and it does not come with instructions. It is a lifetime of ups and downs, fear and confidence, destitute sadness and unbridled joy.Now she is gone. When a woman who has given her life to you gives he body to another, you gotta ask why. In my opinion (and I said OPINION), when a marriage goes in this direction, the MAN has to look at the reality of the situation. Marriage is a two way street. Give a little, and get a lot. While you sit there and video, she needs you. Throw away the gamer and get your wife back. I've been there and done that. My wife is the reason I do each day. Your wife and child deserve that too.I am a bit concerned about your last paragraph. "I did not beat/hit her. I was not an alcholic, et. al. What standards of behavior are we lowering ourselves to? Are you saying that you're a better person because the standard now is you don't beat your wife? I do not indict you, only our society.I can also tell you the bedroom is not your marriage either. No details.The marriage is your friendship, your goals, and your love. Everything elase takes care of itself. |
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