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Uninviting the Dates of Guests?


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Manners!
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 1:18 am Post subject: Uninviting the Dates of Guests?

A couple announces their engagement & throws themselves an engagement party, inviting lots of friends & acquaintances. Their Wedding Registry is in place & guests bear gifts.Fast forward, the couples' piggy bank is light. Wedding plans change in venue, size & date. Friends are cool with the changes. A cocktail reception is organized & 75 guests with dates are invited. The couple has now decided too many people are attending - they can't do easy math ie 75 x 2. Guests are being advised via Facebook, text messages etc. that dates are uninvited. They say money & venue size are issues. Nonetheless, they continue to invite select individuals w/o dates. No apologies have been offered. The attitude ”each of our guests is bringing a wedding crasher!” prevails.How does one tell them the inappropriateness of what they are doing? Also, is there any way for the oblivious couple to be made aware - after the wedding, most of their friends are seeking to permanently distance themselves?

question&answerman
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 1:22 am Post subject:

I would politely tell them that due to the unexpected change in plans that many couples have decided not to attend. Going to a wedding alone when you're in a relationship makes no sense even if you're the only one invited. Making these last minute changes is rude and cheap. How can anyone go and have a good time now? I'd just be honest with them but not insist they change their minds -- it's their wedding and their budget so there's only so much that can be done. I'd just give them a polite hint that it's causing people to re-think their attendance.

dstluke
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 1:23 am Post subject:

Sure there's an easy way to let the couple know you're unhappy. Call them up and tell them you won't be attending the function at all. Go to the registry and take your gift back. That simple. After a few 10, 20, 30 people do this, they'll get the hint.

trueshowstoppa
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 1:26 am Post subject:

Uninviting guests is a horrible thing to do. Obviously, some of these people are in relationships and now they are asking them to tell their loved one to stay home. They will also feel uncomfortable at the wedding considering that many single people are on the prowl at weddings. The guests should not pay the price for the couple's poor planning. That's just like a business making their customers pay for mistakes the business made. Not a good deal. Besides, aren't the guests supposed to pay their way per head in gifts? I would politely decline the invitation. I'm sure their wedding is not going to end up being so great after pulling this.

tammyg
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 1:29 am Post subject:

They should be told politely that maybe the venue should be changed to another, less formal, place where all the invited guests can attend. Many people will just not show up if a date is now "uninvited" and it is really improper to "uninvite" guests. They need to realize that friendship is more important than a fancy or expensive "venue"!

dizzkat
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 1:29 am Post subject:

When you send in your regrets that you will not be attending, send a short, kind note, explaining that uninviting guests is poor etiquette so they may be getting more "sorry I can't make it" replies.

Marilyn
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:43 am Post subject:

I think that ppl who are getting upset about this are ridiculous. Yes, they should have went about it in a different way and it is rude and inconsiderate. But.. does anyone realize that every person adds on a little more to the bill? If they can't afford for everyone to bring a guest along then they just can't afford it. Like I said, they should have went about it a better way, but THEY are paying for the wedding. Yeah the guests are bringing gifts/money, but each person who comes to the reception lengthens the bill and I can see where they are coming from when you can't afford something there is nothing you can do! They made a mistake, big deal. We were having 200+ guests are our wedding with an open bar until two ppl in my family got sick and now we have to cut the list. Life happens, money doesn't magically appear.I'm sure if they could have everyone there w/ a date, they would, maybe the guests should be a bit more considerate and understanding too.

R. B.
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 6:53 am Post subject:

I would notify them via Facebook that I would not be attending the wedding. Other people probably will too. If nobody shows up, that's their lose and maybe they'll figure it out. But I doubt it because they are not very bright for this to have happened.

Steph
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:33 am Post subject:

You don't need to tell them. It is their wedding, and their life, after all.Did they send out invitations to Mr jones and guest? or was to to Mr Jones and he decided to bring someone?Truthfully unless you are in a long term relationship (ie 6 months+) I think it is perfectly fine for them to say the 'and guest' is not invited. Nor can you blame someone for their financial situation. Hell, I wouldn't want to pay for dinner for 75 people I don't know even if I could afford it!Obviously you are one of the pissed guests. If you don't like it then don't go. Saves them money and saves you bitching!

nova_queen_28
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 8:04 am Post subject:

The less partners of the uninvited that show up the better the message will come across.My fiance & i are working on our guest list now (and comparing it to our budget) - - our wedding is in October 2009. This way we'll know if we can afford an "and guest".As someone paying for a wedding, I can appreciate excluding an "and guest" invite as the costs can grow incredibly large for entertaining people you don't even know. However, your friends are crazy -- you do not invite someone and then revoke the invite! That is rude.I think you should contact as many people as possible and tell them you aren't going because of their poor handling of the situation and their poor manners. Encourage others to do the same - the couple will get the hint.

Avis B
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 8:31 am Post subject:

Send them a "wedding etiquette" book NOW . . and maybe they'll read it, and then again, people like that write their own rules, and they really don't care.You have to "fight fire with fire" when it comes to RUDE people because that's the only way they get the message.Here's two suggestions . . if venue size is "a problem" than send this note. "Since space is a problem at your wedding reception I hereby give up my space, I will not be attending your wedding or reception." Right away they thinkabout the gift they are not getting from you.You can also send them this note which will get their attention very quickly because you are not giving them a wedding gift directly. "In honor of your wedding day I am sending a donation to my favorite charity (Red Cross, hospital, library, medical cause, etc) in your names."Rude, selfish, and self-serving Brides and Grooms will continue to be rude, selfish, and self-serving married couples.And to be honest with you, it is doubtful that you will hear much from them after the wedding. Why? Because they got wanted they wanted . . engagement gifts and wedding gifts (and that's all that's really counts).Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

jlunchbox
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 10:03 am Post subject:

While it was rude of them to do that, it would be even more rude if someone said something directly about it. If you are that upset about it, politely call them and tell them that you are now unable to attend.

JM
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 2:54 pm Post subject:

First - stay home. You don't want to be part of this. I'm sure many other people will decide the same.Second - it's their problem not yours. When they have no friends left they will figure it out. It's not your job to try to prevent this or change people's minds.Third - stay out of it. If you put your two cents in, or start blabbing to mutual friends about how bad this is, ultimately in the end you will be blamed. (may sound crazy but they will want a scapegoat)

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