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Is shopping off registry selfish?

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pspoptart
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject: Is shopping off registry selfish?

I really think it is. Basically the people are putting their own desire to brag about how unique their gifts are over getting the couple something they actually want and need. A gift should be about the person getting it, not what the giver likes. I see so many questions on here of people who have a registry to guide them but ignoring it completely....then getting offended/suprised when their gifts aren't gushed over or returned.

Leah
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:34 pm Post subject:

In some cases I would say it is selfish to shop off registry, especially if the giver feels like they can pick out something better than the b/g can or if the giver just wants to stand out.If you shop off registry because there aren't any of those stores in your area or if you know the couple well enough to choose something they will absolutely love then I think it's okay.I'd also like to add that the registry helps prevent duplicate gifts. If you shop off registry you risk giving duplicate gifts, which frankly is a pain in the butt for the b/g.

marchhareinjune
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:35 pm Post subject:

I totally agree with you on this one!!! It is one thing if the giver knows the couple very well and will be purchasing a personal gift. Otherwise, when people don't shop from the registry it is as if they are saying, "You may think you know what you want/need...but you really don't ~ I do!"Have you ever noticed how many people on here suggest a silver picture frame or neutral towels as a wedding gift? Lord, I already have mismatched towels ~ that's why we put coordinated towels on our registry LOL!

Reba
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:36 pm Post subject:

Some people just don't like being told what to get, so those people deserve to have their gift returned or stored in a closet if the bride and groom do not like it!Although I don't think that is always the case. I know for me, I may not be close to where the bride and groom registered. Or I shopped last minuted (shame on me) but I try to pick something thoughtful, not flashy. Or I know some people who already had picked a gift before a bride and groom registered. So I think to say all people are selfish by shopping off the registry, may be a bit too generalized, but it definitely happens!!

nittygritty
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:37 pm Post subject:

welll i think its kinda weird to tell ppl go here and this is my list. i get somewhat offended by the registry thing. its like if your gonna buy me something here is what i want. sometimes i look at the registry see their items and go buy something somewhat similar at a diff. store that is maybe cheaper....i had an instance a baby shower was registered at an expensive store for me anyways..so i went to my local walmart and bought somewhat the same thing but for a cheaper price...to give a gift is the thought. if the ppl getting the gift are that ungrateful then maybe they shouldnt be recieving gifts...it would be better to write down things you might like instead of i need this brand this color and it cost this much..it takes the fun out of shopping...but this is just my opinion...i shop off the registry sometimes myself..if it were me i would be glad to recieve a gift i wouldnt care if they didnt cater to my exact list..

jlunchbox
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:40 pm Post subject:

agreed. i have a funny story. my mother in law (then future MIL) made a comment about our registry. she said, "you should put more expensive things on there." I had some expensive Nambe pieces on there, so I pointed that out to her. Then she said "well maybe you should put like an nice crystal decanter on there." I said, "I don't want an expensive crystal decanter, I already have a glass on that I love."She got us a waterford crystal decanter that I hate.

kill_yr_television
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:41 pm Post subject:

Well heavens to betsy, but of course! Not only are you entitled to receive a gift, but it had darn well better be the gift of your choice. Ever hear "It's the thought that counts"? Mannerly people don't notice the monetary value of the gift nor do they notice whether or not it was on their wish list. What they notice is that someone cared enough to go to the trouble and expense of giving them a gift.

basketcase88
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:43 pm Post subject:

Sorry, I'm going to disagree with you, and realizing I'm going to get thumbed down for this. Gifts are first and foremost, OPTIONAL, regardless of what many of the bridezillas out there today think. You do not get a gift that is equal value of what you've spent to feed the giver, and I think it's flat out rude to expect such. Your wedding is NOT the time to go gift grabbing from your guests, it's the time to share your love and committment to your spouse WITH your guests. If they want to bring you a gift, FINE, if not, then you should still be a gracious host and hostess. The amount of $$ spent on a gift is ENTIRELY up to the giver...period. A gift is also an expression of love and well wishes from the giver to the recipient, that's it. It doesn't have to be the $300 Kitchen Aid mixer in Cobalt Blue that the bride has requested, and it doesn't have to be the $150 per place setting china that she'll never use once she has children. When I got married, I received many gifts that were not on my registry, I got tons of towels that I thought were horrible, but you know what, they were great when my kids were little. However, I do agree with you that if you take the chance and buy something that's not on the couple's registry, you really have no right to be offended when it's returned. But seriously, how many times do you know if your gift is kept or not? I don't think buying something that's not on a registry is selfish, maybe the bride has registered at a store that's not convenient to the giver, or they just don't shop there. And I do try to buy something as a gift that I would like to receive as well. That's a pretty good rule of thumb.

nataliexoxo
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:43 pm Post subject:

i shopped off registry for a bridal and baby shower- mainly bcse i didn't have the money for things on the registries. i got them both really great picture frames that i know they will love.

vivera
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:46 pm Post subject:

I use their registry as a guide line to what they like, colors and style! If i can find the right gift or price i can pay! I use Overstock.com alot with their hopes and dreams of items they would like!

R. B.
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:28 pm Post subject:

I'm not quite sure how giving a gift can be considered a selfish act. My favorite wedding gift was one that wasn't on our register. But it's the only one that I actually remember who gave it to me. It was an antique dish with a letter about how the dish could be an illustration of a marriage. I will treasure that little dish as long as I live, and pass it on to one of my children some day, along with the letter. People often have reasons for buying something else. Maybe they can't afford anything on the registry, or feel that they have something at home that is so useful to them and want to buy one for the bride. Let's face it. When most of us get/got married, we didn't know what all we would need. So, NO! I don't think it's selfish for someone to buy something that is not on a bride's registry. Most of the time I do use the registry, but there are times for a few close friends that I've bought them something that I knew would mean more to them than the standard towels and sheets, etc. For instance, a family Bible was my son's favorite wedding gift and it wasn't on their registry. But his children's pastor wrote a letter with it that meant more than a place setting of china could ever mean. I think it's selfish to not appreciate things we don't pick out ourselves. My son bought me a lovely gift for Christmas that he picked out himself. I would have never thought of buying these items, and he knew it. But he knew I would love them and I do. I think we all need to learn to be thankful that people are actually taking the time and spending the money to get something for us. That shows class and maturity!

theologygirl
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:31 pm Post subject:

I can see both sides of this issue. Yes, I want to get a couple something that I know they will like and use, and I don't want to risk getting a duplicate of something. But far too many couples don't provide gifts in a range of prices. A coworker got married last year and though he couldn't invite his coworkers to the wedding (which I understand...it would have been too expensive to invite all of us, and how would you narrow the list?), someone asked him where he and his fiancee were registered. Of course, once that news was out and a work shower was thrown, we all felt obligated to get something for him. Nothing on the registry was under $25.00, and I just can't afford to do that for someone I'm not particularly close to, no matter how nice they are. I got a gift card to the store in a lesser amount. I think that if you're going to register, you should put several gift choices in every price range down. You want a coffee maker, great -- but also list a three-pack of dishrags.

keepyourhandsoffmycat
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:38 pm Post subject:

I agree. If they have a registry, why can't people just pick something off the list? it's practically etiquette. Plus it makes the buyer's job so much simpler, just pick something off the list you they can afford and you know the couple will like it as they chose it!

fizzy stuff
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 9:39 pm Post subject:

Yes and no. I mean we got one or two gifts that were so awful... it was like the people didnt put any thought at all into who we are. Then we got a few really cool gifts that we love! Most were from the registry though. Im just glad the awful gifts were from people who are probably never going to come to our home! Those wound up in the trash or charity.

Haley D
Yahoo User

Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 10:37 pm Post subject:

I think it depends on the gift. We received some gifts for our wedding (gorgeous toasting glasses imported from France) that while we didn't register for, we cherish. We received other gifts (a corny wedding poem in a giant hideous yellow frame) that I couldn't wait to get rid of. So, I think it's the thought that is put into it that makes the difference (if you don't know the bride and groom tastes well stick to the registry). I should also add that my husband and I registered for things in all price ranges, and when we can't afford something on the registry we normally go in together with another attendee or get a gift card to where their registered).

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