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mother driving me crazy spoiling my daughter...?

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Author Message ataman Yahoo User Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:20 am    Post subject: mother driving me crazy spoiling my daughter...? My mother has been driving me crazy lately because I have a nine month old daughter and I know that she is just excited to buy things for her grandchild, etc. but it is getting out of control. Everytime my mom comes over she has something for my daughter (just a small gift) but it is a new outfit, or a new book, etc. and on holidays it is really out of control. My daughter receives gifts for every holiday...at Thanksgiving she got new toys, on Valentine's day she got new clothes and toys, and on Easter and Christmas-forget it, she got sooo much stuff! My mother buys her more stuff that my husband and I spend on our own child. The spending is just frivolous! My daughter already owns three different kinds of ball pits, tons of toy which are too "big" for her, my mother even bought her one of those "Power Wheels" cars and she is NINE months old! She keeps saying "She will grow into it"...I have tried talking to her about it. I tried to be nice at first...At first I told her to please not bring a gift over every time she sees my daughter because my daughter is going to grow up “expecting” that everytime Grandma comes over she gets a gift! But that only lasted for a little while…now it is not a gift, but cash everytime she sees my daughter. I have tried to put a limit on her holiday gift buying…I told her at Christmas that she was only allowed to buy three gifts for my daughter, my mother said okay, but at Christmas there were at least 20 something gifts for my daughter to open. My house is full of toys and I am really getting tired of it! When I try to talk to my mom about it she gets upset and defensive saying she likes to gets things for her granddaughter and that she should be allowed to get her anything she wants to. I don’t want to sound ungrateful or selfish because my mother is really great with my daughter, she is just spoiling her and I don’t know how else to handle it! She wastes money like crazy on stuff...I just don’t want my daughter to grow up spoiled to this degree always “expecting” gifts. She will never grow to truly appreciate something that she has when she is constantly bombarded with new toys, clothes, etc. I understand where my mom is coming from, her mother died with she was young and therefore she never got any “help” from them when I was a baby, and so she is trying to make sure that she is there and does stuff for her grandchildren, but this is ridiculous! Any suggestions on what to do...I have tried talking and it is not working and I don't want to upset her, but this has got to stop!Oh and I should add that my daughter already has a college fund established and a savings account, and I have asked my mom to contribute to that instead of buying toys, etc. but she likes seeing the baby open the gift and get to play with it! Back to top lfcbabeey Yahoo User Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:28 am    Post subject: im sorri if this is completely rong seein as im onli 14 but it seems to me as if your scared your daughter will be spoilt and not a nice child, you may also be jealous about how much your mum is buyin her and dont want her to think her grandma is better than her mum - hopes this helps! livvy xx Back to top StaYc3e Yahoo User Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:32 am    Post subject: true! my cousin was REALLY spoiled like mountains of toys adn she is a HUGE family brat these days! something definantly has to be doneyou really need to tell her off even if your mom gets mad tell her its your baby not hers! Back to top ♥smartypants♥ Yahoo User Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:32 am    Post subject: well this isn't the best idea ever, but since you don't wanna hurt her feelings and talking to her doesn't work, why don't you move farther way from her??? that way she'll only give her gifts when she visits ya'll... i think that's what i'ma do... i'm barely gonna get married and my future mother in law is already telling me that she's gonna spoil them like crazy and that she's gonna give them a cell phone so that everytime i wanna ground them, they can call her and she'll scream at us and all these crazy things.. she even joked about going to court against us saying she'll say we can't support your kids, so they'll get them... YEAH I THINK I'M MOVING TO ANOTHER STATE!!!! well you could just plain on keep on talking to her about it, if her feelings get hurt, well what else can you do??? would you rather have a child that is super spoiled when she grows up??? good luck honey... at least it's your mom and not your mother in law, that'd be harder Back to top furfur Yahoo User Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:38 am    Post subject: We had this problem with my mom too, but talking to her nipped her in the bud. That and one day she was over Dr. Phil was on discussing this very subject, relatives spoiling your child, and he stated that this was toxic to the child and that when you are the parent, you have to do what is in the child's best interest and if that means limiting time with that relative, then so be it. AFter sevaral nudges and "See?" from me, my mom finally got it and has slowed down.Seeing as your daughter is nine months old, this wouldn't be pertinent now, but maybe you can donate the toys to needy children. When Grandma comes over, tell her that you needed some space, so some of the things had to go. When your daughter gets old enough she can help decide what to donate and go with you.Or, tell her any new toys need to stay at her house. I am betting that once her house is a bit cluttered, then she may put the brakes on and slow down. Good luck! Back to top John A Yahoo User Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:41 am    Post subject: I would tell mom that she will not be invited over if she continues to defy your ban on gifts. Tell her that you are this girls mother and that, whether she likes it or not, YOU make the rules now. Back to top angelbaby Yahoo User Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:48 am    Post subject: I say let it be. My mom does the exact same thing (almost - yours may be a bit more out of control!), but I don't say anything. She likes to do it, like you said your mom couldn't do it before, so they do it with the grandkids instead. Same with my mom. She got my daughter a power wheels too, which we only dreamed about as kids and never knew would be a reality. There's times when she'll give me a plastic grocery bag full of new clothing/shoes for my daughter, that she picked up when she was out shopping. Same with cool character dishes, small toys, etc. And holidays?! Forget it. But, my mom has gotten better. My daughter is 3 1/2, and my mom still gets her things that are just 'too cute', but not as much as before. And, as far as I can see, my daughter has never learned to 'expect' gifts for every occasion at Grandma's, and she certainly appreciates what she IS given. Even though it seems your mom is spoiling your daughter, it IS possible to raise her to be appreciative and not expectant of your mom's gestures. And, when she buys stuff you don't have more room for - then it gets to stay at Grandma's for when your daughter is visiting! Just let your mom have fun while she has the chance. I bet sooner or later she will 'outgrow' this 'phase' - but just a tiny bit! lol Back to top mama3 Yahoo User Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:54 am    Post subject: She does mean well but, I can see what you are saying.I would take the last 25 things that she has bought for her and put them in a huge bag, pack up the power wheel, and anything else that is big or that you feel your daughter is too little for. And bring them to her house! Tell her that you do not have room for her to have this many toys, or the storage to keep the ones that she will need to grow into. I would then tell her that your daughter is VERY overwhelmed by the amount of toys that she has and that you feel she is not able to concentrate on playing with one great toy because she has too many others. That is the only thing that I can think of.Or you could give away the gifts to a local children's home and tell her that you felt so good giving away ........because you know that these little children don't have new, fun toys that are only collecting dust in your house. This may make her mad enough not to spend money on something that you are going to give to someone else? I don't know just an idea! Back to top Erin T Yahoo User Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:59 am    Post subject: My mother in law was doing something like that and so I told her if she did not follow my rules she would not see her grand child and it worked she needs reminders alot but it is sinking in more and more and she knows if she does something I dont like she will be cut out for a week or so and because she lives 6 blocks away it is a big thing to be shunned. So now she will tell people later I wanted to do this but i did not want to get erin mad. And it seems to work for us. Also at christmas and other holidays take some of the toys away still in the box and use them for regifting or donating or a garage sale and the money goes to her college fund. Nothing says she needs to have all of the toys and there are many kids who have no toys. Back to top

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