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What do you think of my poem?

 
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Baby Cobra's on the Prowl
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:32 pm    Post subject: What do you think of my poem? Reply with quote

Poetry Hides for Me…-In the chirp of the crickets on a warm, summer night.-In the wet licks and nudges from my dog Einstein.-In the crinkle of the wrapper as I open my first Christmas gift.-In the first slurp of my creamy, delicious BK Mocha Joe drink.-In the ring of the bell, signaling an end to a slow, painful day at school.-In the vivid red “A” that gets stamped onto my test.-In the eccentric beat to the song “What Is Love.”-In the shiny, plastic trophies I receive after winning a long, vigorous softball tournament. -In the laughter and exciting moments on those fun Poker night with my friends.-In the slap of the glove against my leg as I pitch another strike.-In the warmth of the sun against my fair skin.-In the numerous inside jokes my friend Laura and I share.-In the blanket pulled ever so closely to my face, protecting me from the thrills of the scary movie.-In the witty, yet slightly annoying, remarks my brother usually exclaims.-In the radiant glow of a sunset.Yes, yes. It's probably horrible.Please answer if you like it..I have to turn it in tomorrow (for a Poem Project for Literature) and I just want some opinions from you experts. =]Thanks.Sequess made- Um, this is my own poem. My teacher gave us a sheet that said this poem is supposed to start with "Poetry hides for me.." and then you list different stuff starting with "In the.."lol so I didNOT copy!!!!!
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swimchix20
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

nice
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tara
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i like it , keep on writing!
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Joe Bob
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't think that's a poem.
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Cherise
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Its unique! I love it..I wouldn't be so down on yourself about it because you have a talent.
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carpediemmaster
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love it!!!very descriptive...you describe, rather than tell...it's good!!
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Sequus Made
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well done ;] but. seen it on google.com > poems and more > =] got YOU!
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Tianne
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like poems that have a lot of feeling and don't rhyme. Good job.
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Cheyenne S
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

For a free style poem, it's pretty good.I hope that you get that "vivid red “A” " =)
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ally
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thats really good! i really like it! good job. it should get you an A. well written
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saveitok
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i think u get an A
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Music is my Life!!!!
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

very good, but after the last line, you need to have like a "summing up line" of the poem.....like what is all of those things to you or whatever? All of the things sound like good feelings and times that you enjoy, so have a line that sums up all of those good things like basically, answering the question "What is in the radiant glow of a sunset?, what is in the warmth of the sun against your fair skin?.....and so on" just one line that answers the questions! or you could leave it hanging, but it's not as satisfying to read a poem like that that doesn't have a final line that exmplains it at least a little! Good job though!
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Cousin Chopstiks
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I LUV IT!
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Eric S
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I gave you an answer in the other category you asked this question in. I felt repeating myself would be...well, repetitive. lol I'd still like to say you did a great job and no matter what anybody says, you have a talent, and you should shoot forward with it.
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JOhne=mc²_ª
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's not horrible in fact this is a wonderfully written poem, I've always felt that a poem should express the persona of the writer even if that means it won't be true to that certain type of poetry. Know this as well your poem represents yourself so even if you were to fail you should be proud of what you wrote.
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