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New Step daughter... gift for the wedding??


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Jenn
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:15 pm Post subject: New Step daughter... gift for the wedding??

My Fiance' and I have been together since his daughter was an infant. She is now 3 1/2. I have always been her mother in every way except officially. Her birth mother rams down her throat at every opportunity that I am not her mother and will never be...even though it is true that I can never be her bio-mother, I am her mother in EVERY other aspect of her life. Her birth mother is very deep in drugs and alcohol and is homeless, carless, and jobless. She has no asperations of changing any of this because her family helps (enables) her. It clearly affects my daughter (to be), and I want to make the wedding very important for her as well as it is for her father and I. I thought of giving her a gift as we exchange rings. I also want to have her as a jr. bride, b/c it's her wedding too, she's marrying me as much as her dad is... and I think it's bigger than just throwing some flowers... what do you think? Any suggestions? Has anyone been in my situation?

Suz123
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:22 pm Post subject:

http://www.familymedallion.com/weddings.htm

Brooke L
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:25 pm Post subject:

I think it would be very special for you to have her walk down the aisle with you and exchange vows and rings. I think she should give you a ring and you should give her one as well. since she is so young maybe let her know you will keep it for her until she is a little older but for that day she can wear it (for the ceremony) and have her daddy help her write vows to you on what she will bring to the table as a daughter and you can do the same for her. make sure she understands that this is a day you become a family and that you are here to stay and you love her. (As I am sure you do!) Also make sure she has special jobs during the ceremony and reception (even if it is to just be you and dads right hand man) I pray this helps. I am sure you will be there for her the way any mom should Congrats!

Hollow
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:28 pm Post subject:

at that age there not a whole lot more that you can do, but just being there for her will pay off in the long run more than you can imagine. as for the wedding, whatever you do make sure she has a special part in it. she will remember that and it will be a big part of her memorys. just keep being who u are and dont forget only she can consider you her mom. if you try to force her to look at you that way it will just push her away, especially when she gets older. i didnt meet my step mom till i was almost 16, but she was more of a mom then my actual mom ever was and i thank her everyday for that.

RuthieGS
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:35 pm Post subject:

maybe you should..... and no i haven't i'm only 12 lol but i think it's a great idea

Jess
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:38 pm Post subject:

Maybe you could give her a necklace as you exchange rings - one that is a good size so she'll still be able to wear it when she's a lot older.

iloveweddings
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:42 pm Post subject:

Hi and congratulations on your upcoming marriage!Wow! First off....I hope your soon to be husband has full custody. How on earth is the biological mother even seeing her daughter if she is on drugs and homeless? Well.....that is off the subject. You are very thoughtful to think of your "daughter". Here are my ideas for the wedding:~ It is really nice of you to think of elevating your daughter to junior bridesmaid, but you must remember her age and what would make her the happiest! I have a granddaughter the same age (will be 4 in May). She has no idea what the difference is between a junior bridesmaid and a flower girl....believe me. That is much too young of an age to grasp that concept. Really....I think she would be happier being a flower girl and throwing down petals. Also, the flower girl walks down the aisle right BEFORE the bride....so you two would be close.~ What I would do would be to have her be a flower girl....but then have her stand NEXT to you.~ During the vows....include her. Here is one text that I found:"________, I promise to be a good and faithful husband/wife to you, and also a patient, loving father/mother to (children's names), caring for them and providing for them as my own. I promise to be their strength and their emotional support, loving them with all my heart forever."~ Then, during the exchange of rings.....give HER a ring! A real nice one. One that she will cherish and can have for her lifetime.Good luck to you, your fiance, and your soon to be step daughter.

apbanpos
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 8:10 pm Post subject:

I think it is a great idea to include her as part of the marriage.check out: http://www.familymedallion.com/Have you looked into terminating the mother's rights so you can adopt her and legally be her mother as well?

pikachild2003
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 9:56 pm Post subject:

I'm getting married in May. I have a 9 yr-old son and my fiance has been in our lives since my son was 5. He calles my fiance "dad". We are having a sand ceremony at the wedding. We each picked a color of sand that we liked and we will dump it into this really cool antique glass jar. The idea is that just like the three different sands are becoming one and can never be separated, so is our family. Maybe you can think of a way for her to participate in the ceremony, maybe you could get her a little heart necklace? Good luck!

sharon ON
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 10:05 pm Post subject:

I admire you for loving this child as your own. Perhaps you could purchase a silver necklace and when the rings are exchanged put the necklace on her? Just a though, I've never been to a wedding that has included children so I don't know what people do.

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