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What can I do about sex with my wife?

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Jersey Po Boy
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:24 am Post subject: What can I do about sex with my wife?

It's a typical story...we're 43, and I want sex about 40 times more often than she. She has approached me wanting sex about 3 times in the last 5 years. She accomodates my advances frequently, but it is obvious she doesn't really enjoy it and is just going through the motions waiting for me to finish. If I try to change things or spice things up in any way, she seems more irritated than anything else, because it delays things or otherwise makes her feel bad for some reason. She does not respond well to gifts, flowers (she says they make her afraid "it will lead to sex later"); she loves massages but they make her fall asleep and she never wants sex after them. She admits to withholding non-sexual affection because she's afraid it will lead to sex, and has told me she is often afraid to get into our bed because she 'might have to have sex again.' We have three children, I earn a very good income, and am home every night. No affairs for either one of us. I'm not overweight. Help

Ricardo
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:27 am Post subject:

Maybe she is a lesbian, and just uninterested in sex with men in general. Or, maybe she is just not attracted to you anymore, and prefers a man with muscle and good looks.

kittykatsback
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:28 am Post subject:

Sheesh I don't know man, tie your paycheck to your wiener?Sex therapist or divorce, that would be my call. What she is doing is not right, however sounds like maybe you ain't that good in the sack....I know I can go without bad sex too.

luvlisteningtomusic
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:28 am Post subject:

Have her seek a Dr to see why her labido is so low. Talk to your wife and ask her what she would like so she can be pleased to the fullest. Sex shouldn't be a chore it is fun. She should be in her prime as well. Talk to her and ask her to seek professional help.

Annie
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:28 am Post subject:

Slip her some liquid creatine in her soda.She needs a boost!!!!

whiskeyman510
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:29 am Post subject:

Is this a change in her behavior or has she always liked sex less than you?If it's a change, there must be a cause. It could be things that you are doing or not doing (to keep the romance alive) or it could be something medical in her.Just making a good income and keeping your weight down isn't enough to keep a romantic spark going. Try some of the following:1. plan spontaneous weekend trips just the two of you2. buy her flowers or gifts randomly for no particular reason, just to let her know you're thinking about her.3. Remember little things she talks about (like gift ideas) and get them for her later to show that she is on your mind and that you do listen to what she says.If you do some or all of those things already and think I'm on the wrong path, and she used to love sex, then I would have her see a doctor. Often couples need and want sex differently from one another, but a healthy sex life is crucial to a sucessful marriage. There could me a medical issue that she's unaware of. Alternately you could both see a sex therapist to try and get to the root of the issue. Just make sure you don't make your wife feel bad about herself. Low self-esteem on her part will just make the issue worse.

BabeHeart
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:29 am Post subject:

Why does she dislike sex? Is it painful physically? Is there an emotional issue there? Does she feel nasty or dirty? Does she just have no interest?She needs to see her doctor to rule out any physical issues, and then talk to a professional if all is well physically, to see what emotional barriers there may be.It's not odd for couples to have differing sex drives, but the fact that she avoids certain things for fear it will lead to sex (or lead to her rejecting you and feeling guilty) there is a problem that appears to be more than simple lack of interest.

don't violate me bro
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:30 am Post subject:

sounds just like me except i could lose a few pounds. i usually get her off first and then it's my turn but i think in the future, it's going to be all about me finishing first and see what happens. i think some women are just asexual after a couple of puppies

uneekqamar2004
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:30 am Post subject:

There could be some underlying issues going on but something isn't quite right. Consult some professional help to find out what is truly going on.

Johnny
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:30 am Post subject:

I think I will start a club of men married to prudes. I don't know what this club will do short of just complaining, but at least these guys will have somewhere to vent.

Bob123
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:30 am Post subject:

It sounds like she may have some serious psycological problems with sex. Is this so bad that you want a divorce, because i think some counseling could help.

LilyFlower
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:31 am Post subject:

You are right. Your story is typical. It happens everyday and to a lot of married couple.It seems to me that your wife's sex drive is none existence. It can be due to several factors:Physical aspects: she might be out of shape, she doesn't have to be over weight, but if her fitness level is very low, she won't be able to keep up. (e.g. a massage puts her to sleep, what a boring doorknob that you must be marrying to. sheesh)Psychological: Maybe she is not feeling appreciated, or loved. Who knows what her problems are.It is funny that woman think after getting married with a man, the man should love them unconditionally no matter what. They should realize marriage is like running a business, if you don't work on it, it will go out of business. There is no solution to this problem, beg her for sex, and pray. What else can you do

littlesnowstar
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:32 am Post subject:

well, both of u got to seek for help, don wait.

Baby Angel
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:32 am Post subject:

Sorry I don't think your story is typical, I'm 41 and my husband is 43 and things are not like that in our relationship. After reading your question I have to ask was your wife sexually abused when she was a child, the way you say things it almost sounds like the problems my friend went through with his wife. They went to counseling and thats when it came out that her uncle sexually abused her, things are some what better now but his wife is still in counseling.

Well Hung
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:32 am Post subject:

Sounds like you are an official WATNGAC now

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