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Wedding Gift Etiquette Question?

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Cloves.
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:20 pm Post subject: Wedding Gift Etiquette Question?

I'm getting married June 20th. However, our wedding is extremely small. Just about twenty guests (which recently grew from about ten guests). Anyway, we didn't register. We have most of the household items we need. Regardless, it seems silly to register because of the number of people invited and because we don't really need anything household-related. However, people have been coming up to us and just flat out asking us what we want. How am I supposed to respond to this? My friend called asking me if we needed a blender, wine glasses, champagne glasses, etc. I just said no, we have all of those, but whatever you will get we will appreciate. Many people have done this. I don't know how to react, and I think this is sort of rude. I assumed if we didn't register people would just get us whatever they wanted, a gift card, or cash, or nothing at all. But I KNOW thats rude to say back: "give us a gift card or cash." So how do I handle this? Should my maid of honor handle it? So confused!Why the heck would I register for 5-10 gifts? That just seems absurd. And we don't even WANT gifts, but I can't tell people that, because people want to give us gifts anyway.Why answer a question about etiquette when you clearly have no knowledge of it? Not everyone registers or has to register.

Luv2Answer
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:24 pm Post subject:

Now you know why you should have registered. At least you would get something you wanted. Now you will get mismatched towels, wine glasses and random items. Most people don't give money and gift cards.

cute and evil one
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:25 pm Post subject:

Well if you allready have everything simply say i would prefer a gift card since i allready have everything and if the chance may come when something breaks or i need something new ill have the card. Its not rude it's simply saying what you would prefer. Maybe you want a GC for a resturant for a fancy night out. Or dancing lessons something you both could enjoy together. Everyones different. but i def would not ask for cash

darklotuslvr
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:31 pm Post subject:

you could say no gifts please and if someone really wants to give you something, tell them that you two would really rather get gift cards to your local grocery store or something along those lines. Nowadays, it is perfectly fine to write on the invites that you want no gifts or cash or gift cards only. Hope this helps and Congrats!

Vee Good
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:38 pm Post subject:

We put a note in with the invitations to say we didn't need gifts but if anyone wanted to give us something we would like cash (in the form of a little poem).EDIT- Obviously as I am in a different country we have different customs. All wedding invites these days where I live either have the place they've registered or the fact that they'd prefer cash/giftcards.As it is too late to do that, maybe you could have your maid of honor or best man prepped, and when people ask what to give you, direct them to him/her. They could then pass on the message, whether it is no presents, gift cards or cash.Alternatively, as the guest list is so small, perhaps one of your parents or someone else in the bridal party could be responsible for ringing the guests to let them know the situation.Many people feel that it is rude to turn up to a wedding without a gift, and will feel bad if they don't give you anything.Congratulations on your wedding and best wishes for the future.

aerostar64
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:39 pm Post subject:

People are so busy these days and often allow themselves the bare minimum of time. It may be poor etiquette but its much easier to simply ask what the B & G would like to receive and simply go get one than to blindly decide while shopping. You might suggest a Lowe's or Home Depot gift card since you have everything. Or say: "Your presence is the only gift we were hoping for." Staging the wedding gifts is a duty for the maid of honor, deciding whether to turn them away or substitute them is definitely not.Everyone wants to get a gift that will be memorable, showing up without a gift makes guests feel uncomfortable or cheap.Allow them their dignity and come up with a short list of things you'd like to have but won't miss if you don't get them.

BL
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:46 pm Post subject:

Not all couples register especially those who have been on their own and have what they need, regardless of the size of the wedding. But, you and your fiance can pick a favorite store or a restaurant, and just ask for a gift card. Best Wishes on your Marriage.

Tara
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:57 pm Post subject:

I understand your worries, but people are so weird about weddings sometimes. They either feel obligated to buy gifts for the B&G or they simply want to congratulate you by coming prepared with a blender ;0) Since it is such a small wedding, I would recommend contacting your guests to inform them of your wishes, either directly or through word of mouth. I am assuming that since it is so small, you are close with most of these people so you won't necessarily feel awkward or intrusive giving them that kind of information (people are very taboo still about wedding gifts and registries, and rightly so since it isn't required that people get gifts...). If you personally do not feel comfortable telling people, appoint a friend or family member to do the dirty work. Also, since you aren't registered (and registering for a few gifts is silly after all), tell them to relay the message that if they do want to give you something, you could take cash, gift cards, or a donation in your names to a charity. It gives people the option of getting off the hook or still getting you something if they so desire. Congratulations and best of luck with the wedding!

stamper
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:57 pm Post subject:

I think it is fine to say when asked that you would prefer cash or gift cards since you have everything you need at the moment. Just politely tell them you have a home full of household goods and you are saving for....I think it is only rude to request cash, but when you are asked I think it's a little different if you are not registered. You know those you invited best and if you think this would offend any of them, just tell them their presence at the wedding is gift enough.

science chick
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 8:17 pm Post subject:

I think you have been handling it fine. Saying that you appreciate whtever you receive is appropirate. If you know the person well, I don't think it would be too bad to say you want cash but like you said it is considered rude and even people you know may be offended. Its tough, you aren't supposed to ask for things but you don't want people buying you things you know you won't use.They should get the hint, since you care enough to think about how you word it I doubt you will end up making a big blunder. ADDITION: And it is also considered tacky to put in cash or gift requests in the inviation, in a poem or not. YOu aren't supposed to mention gifts at all in the invite, not even where you are registered! Your mother/ maid of honor are supposed to inform people of where you are registered when asked (people should knwo to contact thim about this), and they are supposed to discretely let word out if you want cash. Obviously you know your guests and if this is a group that you are positive won't care it isn't a big deal to flat out say you want cash, but if there is any question the best way to go with this is the polite way.

butterfly98880
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 8:20 pm Post subject:

It's typically not appropriate as you said to ask for cash, but gift cards are becoming increasingly acceptable. And look around, hello Target? Are you going to tell me there's NOTHING you'd want there?? Get some extras, another set of bed sheets, some summer barbeque stuff...you'd be amazed at what you didn't think you'd want... or didn't think OF, and then run across it at a store and be like oh yea, that would be an extra plus. You can even register for movies and games, if you want... plus other items. I've seen it done before.And, the best part is on the registry at Target you can put gift cards....... hello..... you can buy groceries there these days!! I KNOW you need groceries.As someone who just went to a wedding I can say deciding what to buy someone who already has "everything" is difficult, that's why a wedding registry is so popular these days. So...think about helping your guests out a little, maybe?? They're happy for you, they WANT to get you something : )

only_one_rv
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 8:26 pm Post subject:

Just let them know you have all the household items you need and just having them at your wedding is enough. If they persist just say a gift card to a favorite restaurant or store would be nice.

boodoll33
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 8:57 pm Post subject:

Your answer of saying that whatever you will get us, sounds perfect.... Just tell them they dont need to bring anything and their presence is gift enough...

Linds
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 9:32 pm Post subject:

Maybe when people ask what you would like or need, you could just say, "Gifts aren't necessary, but we will appreciate anything that we receive!"

riversconfluence
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 11:18 pm Post subject:

"Give us whatever you want to" was a good answer.And yes, if they ask, you can say "if you prefer, you could get us a gift card to .... since we already have a household." The key there is if they ask, and give the reason why you are suggesting that option. . Think up a few gifts you would like or places you would like gift cards and be ready with the info. And yes, you can tell the bridesmaids, the mothers, anyone you like to help pass on the information. It is not rude for people to ask you what you want, it is very polite, and very nice of them to think of you, and to try get you what you want.

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