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How to I politely decline my mother in law inviting herself?

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kacies21
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 2:57 pm Post subject: How to I politely decline my mother in law inviting herself?

I feel like every time my husband and I have a party at our house with my side of the family, some how my mother in law always seems to show up. For our housewarming/my sisters bday party(same event), my mother in law came with her mother and demanded that her mother be given the robe that she made for her at the party when we were getting our gifts. For my grandfathers 97th birthday, my mother in law somehow got word again and showed up, because she wanted my husbands help buying a bicycle that exact weekend, giving him 1 day notice. Again, terrorizing the party, falling asleep in the middle and snoring due to her tranquilizers, and then telling my family I wouldn't let her help with making food and serving(I previously told my husband to please let her know to not tell me to clean our house when she thinks it's dirty.. she did it a few times and I took offense)... How can I get her not to intrude on my side of the family time??

Misty
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:01 pm Post subject:

draw the line or else you'll regret it.

peaches6
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:04 pm Post subject:

Unless there's an underlying reason why you really don't want her at your family functions. . . I don't see a problem with her coming. . . she is family. Now, as far as her attitude. . . that's a different ballgame. Let her know how you feel and if she can't act right. . . ask your husband to stop inviting her. Good Luck!

ichewtoast
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:05 pm Post subject:

It may be awkward for you to tell her to go away, so maybe your husband should do it. It is his mother, and so should be his responsibility to deal with it.

busybee
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:05 pm Post subject:

If she shows up there is not much you can do as it would cause a scene. Your husband will have to have a talk with her, no doubt about it, it should not rest on you. Can you have your parties at another house?

Messykatttt
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:05 pm Post subject:

I wouldn't even try. I'd let hubby handle this one. In fact, it's a bit overdue. She's being very rude to keep doing this, but it's his job to rein her in, not yours.

likeomg
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:07 pm Post subject:

Well, first of all, your side of the family is a bunch of gossips!How else would your in-laws learn of these shindigs?Why didn't you invite her to the housewarming? Even if another celebration was attached to it, do you avoid his side of the family? It is hurtful for your in-laws to hear about parties to which they are not invited, even if they are complete boors! You obviously live in a small town so that is part of the problem, too. You have to be honest with them, but you also have to show that you care or they will think you hate them.

rebecca
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:08 pm Post subject:

Wow, thats tough! You could just try to tell her that its just for your side of the family, and politely ask her not to come. Just tell her that it is an important event to share with your family alone. Hopefully she'll take the hint, and you'll be able to enjoy your grandfather's birthday with your own family.Good luck!

Moby
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:09 pm Post subject:

Let her come and stay out of her way. It's better than fussing with her son who you married.

arklatexrat
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:09 pm Post subject:

1. Most important: Make sure your husband agrees with you on this. If not, it will create more conflict and bigger problems than just dealing with her drama.2. DON'T TELL HER. Establish and maintain sufficient boundaries so that she isn't over ALL the time and doesn't have to know ALL your plans. This may take awhile if you have let this get out of hand, but several times of your husband (NOT YOU OR OTHERS) stopping her at the door or telling her on the phone or whatever that this particular day/time is not a good time to visit.3. Model the behavior your expect from her. If you are always dropping by their place unannounced, then of course she will feel more like she can do the same. Make a habit of you and/or hubby calling ahead of time and making definite plans before you visit. You can also head off some of these conflicts (not all of them, but maybe some) if you will plan times to visit with his side of the family at other times than the times you want to spend with yours so they don't feel shortchanged or left out.4. If all else fails, move. The further distance away you are (especially now with fuel prices & the economy) the more difficult it will be for them to be dropping by all the time.5. Weigh this all out and make sure you are looking at if from the proper perspective---do you depend on them financially, emotionally, etc. and would you miss them if they were out of your life completely? If so, then you may need to bite your tongue to some extent and make the best of it. They will never be exactly like your parents, but if they love and care for your husband (and you & yours by association) you can never have enough of that in your life, even if it means you have to put up with some idiosyncrasies!Read back over this list and start by honestly and calmly discussing this with your husband and come to a consensus on #1--the key is going to be getting HIM to take the lead in making these decisions and agreeing about this so it doesn't create a strain between the two of you. If he isn't bothered by his family, and/or thinks your family is weird instead/too, then you may have to make some compromises.

Ms.6
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:10 pm Post subject:

I think your husband needs to handle this one. And make sure that no one on your side of the family is leaking information about parties to her.

st33lcas3
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:12 pm Post subject:

Tell your husband to grow a set and put his foot down. He's a grown man and should be able to tactfully tell his mom she isn't welcome whenever she feels like it. If it isn't done now, you'll only regret it later.

lingua06437
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:15 pm Post subject:

Its still your house. Let her know you need to be called in advance and that she can't just drop by when ever she wants. She needs to understand that there are times when it is not convenient for her to come. As far as your husband is concerned - he should have just told her that he couldn't do it that day and to come by another time. He could have agreed to meet her the next day or well before or after the party. You have to get your husband on the same page with you and present a united front.You've got a testy woman for a mother in law. You are just going to have to learn to stand up for your self. And some times you are going to have to get in an argument with her and it won't be pretty. But you'll survive and it will get better. You need to set the limits. If you don't she will just continue to walk over you. Once you start standing up for your self she'll start to respect you. It could be a lot worse. At least she is interested in you and your son in law and thinks enough of your family to want to get to know them.

cutiepie81289
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:15 pm Post subject:

I don't know i have a great mother inlaw that i would invite no matter what. But if she's rude and invites herself then you need to find out how she even finds out you're having a party or get together and nip that person in the bud!!

MrsBAdGrumble
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:24 pm Post subject:

This is your husbands fault. He needs to take full responsibility otherwise at sometime you will explode and he could have prevented it. He needs to be adult in this situation and sort his mum out.Ask him if he wants his mum to dominate his adult life or if he wants you to be in charge lol AS IT FLIPPIN WELL SHOULD BE WHEN YOUR HORMONAL AND HAVE NO CHOCOLATE.

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