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96virgo
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:04 am Post subject: Help I have monster in laws. Does anyone out there have this same problem? Please post your story? |
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| My mother in law and my sister in law want to always be with my son, once in a while is fine with me. but they hog him up they show up at my door unexpectantly wanting to take him places etc. Its like they are obsessed with him. they even take him to go oick out gifts for my husband on fathers day and his birthday from my son, basically thats my job they stole that from me and they took my son to take his first xmas pictures without my knowledge. My son is 5 and i figured they would leave him alone when my sister in law had her son but low and behold nothing changed one bit. so recently my son was sick and in bed resting and they still came over unanounced banging on the door in which i did not answer so they honked there horn and they know very well that he gets upset when he can go outside and visit or play. so of course it was a mess cause now my son is upset and that was it i had enough and i told them from now on they need to call before they come to visit.ok blossum if my situation was the way you described i would totally agree with you. but its not that easy.dont get me wrong no matter how rude they are towards me i have never and will never disrespect them. Basically all i did was speak up and and they didnt like that I set some boundaries and again there was no disrespect i even commented to her that she is a wonderful grandma and we are lucky to have her but........ My husband works 12 hour days and i work full time and we do treasure the 2 days that we have together as a family and besides she sees him every week because she takes care of him 1 to 2 times a week. |
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PregO Nurse 12 weeks
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:09 am Post subject: |
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| My wife (let's call her Mary) has been estranged from her dysfunctional family by her own choice for the last 15 years or so. The reasons are complex, but the biggie is that as a young child she was abused at the hands of two of her brothers. Eventually the rest of the family was made aware of the abuse, but dealt with it by asking when she was going to "get over it." Eighteen years ago while in therapy, she decided that it was time to cut off all ties with her siblings and father. I should point out that she came from a large family and her mother died shortly before we were married, and all siblings are over 40 now.Mary's method of staying out of contact has been to simply not respond to any attempts. Fast-forward to the mid '90s. Shortly after we moved across the country, one of her sisters (let's call her Cathy) phoned my place of work and left a rambling voice mail about how she wanted to reconcile with my wife, then sent a couple of handwritten letters along the same lines. My wife then contacted a lawyer, who wrote a cease and desist type of letter, Cathy made no further efforts to contact us at that time. If it matters, we have reason to believe that Cathy has been treated for depression in the recent past as well.Things had been quiet since then, until this year. Cathy was getting married last month. She somehow found our current mailing address and sent us an invitation. As has been the case with other family communications, the invitation was not responded to. Earlier this week I started getting emails from Cathy. It seemed that she was back to her old ramblings, which were once again ignored. Yesterday's email, however, concerns me.Here is the email in its entirety (the "Fred" referred to here is me): "I will keep trying. I am not going to go away Fred. If anything happens to you, God forbid, we all want Mary to be able to return to the support of her brothers and sisters. Make this wonderful thing happen Fred. I know that you can."I'm not sure how to take this, but the first part sounds like a threat to me. Against her better judgment, my wife is considering breaking our silence by writing Cathy a letter to request that she stop contacting us. We've considered getting a restraining order, which might be tough since the words quoted aren't an overt threat and we're over 2,000 miles away from her. I've been tempted to make the emails public by posting them to the web non-anonymously, but am not sure what that would serve. We could go back to silence and see if it works, but are concerned that these attempts to contact keep popping up every 6 or 7 years, and my wife and I would really like it to end. The bottom line is that my wife has gotten on with her life and just wants no further contact with her family of birth. Has anybody else here been forced to deal with a similar situation? If so, what did you do? |
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imintowater
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:13 am Post subject: |
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| Well good for you. Sounds like you have some really nosy in-Laws. They don't have a life of their own, so they want yours. You said it right, when you told them not to come over unannounced. Period. You are in the right, by saying that. Maybe now, they'll get the message. They might think that you need a break, or that you are overworked. I can imagine that their intentions are good, but the bottom line is that they shouldn't come over without a phone call first, out of pure courtesy to you. Pushy folks, they are. Good luck! |
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blossom
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:19 am Post subject: |
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| Monster in Laws??? sounds to me, like you have inlaws, who are warm, loving, generous [to a fault perhaps], and who live differently to the way you have been brought up.Consider the difference between your family...how you were brought up, and your husbands family....think about it, don't despise his family for being a little different, they have obviously felt very close to you, and you have obviously been a little darling, in giving the impression you have treasured their warm affectionate demonstrations of love.......Be kind, and gentle. You won't always have these opportunities, and nor will they. Time has a way of changing circumstances and taking away from peoples lives unexpectedly. let go, and just let it be.......when you have more children, you will be thankful they are like they are........you are with your son every moment of the day......surely you don't mind sharing him just a little....and it is just a little isn't it, even though it may seem to be all the time, it isnt really. Its a good idea to perhaps have some boundaries, but you will need to be careful now, at the moment, you don't hurt their feelings. perhaps give it a little time and you'll see things will change of their own accord.......I would have loved to have had inlaws who felt comfortable about just ";dropping round"........my own family did, but with my then, husbands side of the family, it was always at an invitation, or we would never get to see them and share our son with them....so rememeber....there are TWO[2} sides to every story. Think good loving thoughts about them, and sweep out of the corners of your mind all negative bad ill feelings toward them. |
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Lila S
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:38 am Post subject: |
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| same same i did what u did, but thinking about it still makes me spare |
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I know
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 1:16 am Post subject: |
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| I think you just need to set boundaries with them. It has gotten out of hand and so it is more difficult to handle now. Just insist that they call before coming over and don't let your son go anywhere with them unsupervised. |
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Yoda
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 2:14 am Post subject: |
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| Exactly right ,,,, They need to call before they even think about coming over ,,,, You have a right to your privacy and sloitude ,,,,They need to find out if it's good with you instead of just barging in like that ,,,,They are being very rude and inconsiderate doing this and they will continue doing it until you wake them up and place restrictions on it ,,,, Their behavior is creating an issue here that is not of your making ,,,, They are forcing you into a corner and putting you in a position of playing the heavy,,,, You don't need this crap in your life and you need to tell your husband this too ,,,, This would be a good test of where his loyalties lie too ,,,, Either with you or his relatives ,,,, Stick to your guns on this ,,,, Tell them that they need to find out from you first a day or so ahead of time if it's ok before they plan on doing anything ,,,, // |
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