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My boyfriend (who I live with) is meeting his ex wife for lunch behind my back?


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2nd fiddle
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:32 pm Post subject: My boyfriend (who I live with) is meeting his ex wife for lunch behind my back?

They were married for 12 years or so and he has been meeting her for lunch and lying to me about where he has been. I found a text message on his phone asking her if "she would like to go to lunch again today", this told me it had happened before. I confronted him and he lied at first and then he admitted it. He said he lied because he didnt want me to get upset ( he could have prevented that by not doing it in the first place). The thing that really bothers me is I try very hard with both of them. I try to make sure that on her birthday thier boys have her a nice gift, and the same on Mothers Day. I try to make sure they have the same for him. I try to help out with picking kids up or taking them where they need to go. I just feel like for them to do that behind my back when all I have done is try my best to do whatever I need to do to make things as good as they can be in this given situation is CRAP! I love him and his boys VERY MUCH! I also respect her for the position she has.He has admitted to having lunch with her now. He says that they are not having any sort of physical relationship...I have a hard time believing that because he initially lied about it. I also do not know why they feel the need to meet for lunch...it is called an "ex" for a reason! I am just very confused and extremely hurt by this....Do you think it is me that needs the help? Do you think maybe I need to have my head examined for even continung to try with him? Help! I also do not appreciate her doing that to me either! We get along fine otherwise and I try very hard to keep it that way, but by them doing this to me, it has been VERY difficult just to smile at either of them...I am hurt!

Kathy
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:35 pm Post subject:

Is there a question in there?

Parch
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:36 pm Post subject:

agreed with the first answer... or confront him!!

abbie72003
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:36 pm Post subject:

did he say why they were meeting for lunch secretly. I would be suspicious, but I don't know all the circumstances.

sandymeikle
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:38 pm Post subject:

I am guessing that the breakup and your relationship between the ex-wife is amicable, i would get them over to the house at short notice (so as not to give them time to make up excuses and get their story straight) and ask them whats going on. Explain how you feel and why they are randomly meeting up.

pwnypls
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:38 pm Post subject:

the most likely situation is that he and his ex forgot about their problem, and now they are still attracted to each other, but probably not attracted enough to do anything more than see each other again. hes lucky to have someone that cares as much as you, and good luck.PEACE<Φ>,<Φ>

Dutch P
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:39 pm Post subject:

I believe that you should stand strong and stand up for yourself. Confront him again and if he continues to lie then give him the option of two choices (whichever you believe are suitable for this situation.) See what he has to say and if he is more into her :-S then maybe that is your passage to break everything off and get away before feelings get too deep and hurt much worse. It doesn't hurt to remain friends???Hope this helps and all the best to you.May god be with you in this time of need.

Alex S
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:40 pm Post subject:

confront him agian you don't know if they have done anything, so just b sure on the situation and dont make any assumbtions

freakygurl194
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:41 pm Post subject:

Well, I think that that is a load of crap. He shouldn't be meeting her behind your back. What do they have to talk about that they couldn't do it in front of you? I would voice my opinion and if that didn't work, I guess we would keep fighting about it. He wouldn't like it if it were the other way around, would he? This is just me, but if that were happening to me, there would be some hell raising. Have you talked to him about how you feel about it? Good luck and I hope everything works out..

Shay
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:41 pm Post subject:

wooow that sounds bad but if you know he really loves you, which i hope you should..then maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean does he treat you like he loves you, compliment you, spend alot of time with you..etc...etc. The truth is you should know, relationships are based on truth, if you doubt him then maybe your relationship could be heading in a bad direction, the only way to correct it would be to sit him down and have a chat, make sure he understands how your feeling and vice versa. Could well be that these two just have some things in common, being married for 12 years they must have alot to talk about...but at the end of the day if their relationship is progressing from friendly chats to something more serious then maybe...you should..."beat him up" as other people have so elegantly put it.

Marcus T
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:45 pm Post subject:

I'm not saying anything is going on but 12 years of marriage and 2 children there is a bond there. I would say that this probably was not a bitter divorce. Some people after they divorce become the very best of friends. I'm also not saying that it is right for him to have lunch with her behind your back either. You obviously have done your part to make the entire situation work for everybody. He will always have a relationship with the ex because of the kids but you do need to let him know how you feel about their rendezvous and let him know that if he needs to see her you should at least know about it. Or if nothing is going on you should be able to accompany him or at least have the meeting at the house with you present. If they can agree to that you have nothing to worry about. I he gets defensive tighten up the leash.

spoiled one
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:52 pm Post subject:

He lied to you for one of two reasons: Either there is more going on than just "lunch"; or all they are doing is meeting for lunch and he did not want to tell you because he knew you would be upset (most men don't like confrontation). Unfortunately, only he can tell you which it is. Either way, I would be pissed because of the fact that it was done behind your back.

ron m
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:55 pm Post subject:

i am a guy,but if i were you,i would confront the ex wife in a friendly manner and ask her about it. if she has nothing to hide, then she should have no problem with that. just be honest with her and tell her that you are not comfortable with it. i agree with you; it is total crap. it sounds like to me that he is trying to patch things up with her,for whatever reason. you had better nip it in the bud before you lose him. good luck,girl i hope everything works out okay.

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