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reevo
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:12 pm Post subject: does my wife love me? |
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| we went through a very bad time a year ago and nearly split, weve been married over 15 years and have kids...ive got her gifts, flowers, gold etc etc with cards for events like wedding anniversarys...she hasnt...she said she didnt love me but now says she does...but only when i ask her..i seem to be making all the moves and she makes none...i kiss i cuddle .....i tell her i need her to be spontanious and show me affection, i ask her if she understands? she says she does....but then she does nothing....im confused and frustrated...i dont want to split...but on the other hand I need love and affection...am i asking too much?....i feel she just wants to be with me for te benefits, house, bills paid family not split etc.....?communication is important...but i find it very hard to find the right time, its hard work with the kids to get time on our own...then when i do shes too tired or not in the mood...i ask her will she make time to take she says yes....and again it never happens.My wife knows if we split i cant afford the mortgage and pay for my own place...I want her to be honest with me but shes lied to me before.....if she's using me then she is just completely heartless. |
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plum
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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| stop showering her with love and see how she responds. If she asks why you stopped then say "A relationship consists of 2 people, not 1" |
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lilsnob8681
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:17 pm Post subject: |
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| Sounds like you need a relationship tune up. I would try going to marriage counseling. You both need to hear how each other feels. Not only your wants and needs but also hers. Maybe she has a hard time of showing affection or telling you what she wants. Has it always been like this? 15 years would be alot to throw away. I am sure that the both of you can work through your problems. Good luck! |
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box of rain
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:17 pm Post subject: |
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| sure does not sound like it.There could be many things happening here. Your lack of details make it hard to answer.My best suggestion is hear for marriage counseling. |
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Stephanie M
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:17 pm Post subject: |
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| I think she loves you to be with you that long. I have the same problem with my husband I do all the spontaneous things its almost seems you may have spoiled her and now she just expects it I think thats how my husband feels sometimes it suck man I feel bad for you cause I know what you are feeling! |
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smartone
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:18 pm Post subject: |
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| It sounds like she must be hurt from what ever happened before. it's up to you to see if it is worthed to hang in there, after 15 years, think about the kids too and maybe she is there for the kids. you need to talk to her and get some help with experts.good luck don't give up so soon. |
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Mrs. Robinson
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:18 pm Post subject: |
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| i agree w/ plum. also, id sit her down and tell her time to be honest. shes not being fair to you and if she cares for you at all, she should be |
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Tari D
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Wow I am sooooo sorry!!! I am the same way to my fiance who showers me with love most of the time with the cuddling and kisses. He asks me if I love him like twice a day!!!. I love him and I am sure she LOVES you too!!! My problem is... (and this is a sorry behind point of a lame excuse casue he deserves bette than what I offer...) I have a hard time dealing with our financial problems. We only make about 28,000 between the both of us - we live seperately cause we are not married yet. I think there is somethign bothering her too. Something that hurts deep inside. Express your undying love for her and get her to open up about it....but only when she is ready. Give her the platform to open conversation whan she is ready - do not force it. If you don't nag her for an answer, she WILL eventually tell you (My fiance does this with me all the time and I usually open up about a day or two after - he gets the silent treatmentf from me a lot!!) |
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Juliepoo15
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:20 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't blame you for feeling this way. If you've made a conscious effort to improve things for her and your relationship and she still does nothing, it's terribly painful. Actions definately speak louder than words. I think your wife is going through something. Whatever it is, you two need to have a serious talk about what is going on in your marriage. You should mention how you feel, that she's just in it for the benefits. And think about it...asking for love and affection from your WIFE is NOT too much. |
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Nita and Michael
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:20 pm Post subject: |
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| This does seem unfair and a bit one sided....it is wonderful that you are trying and everything you are doing sounds good so i don't understand what her prob is...sounds to me the only way your gonna get your answer is if she tells you...you have to sit her down and get her to talk and open up....she needs to tell you how she's feeling and whats going on...communication is the key to making a relationship last...do something spontanious and suprise her...maybe she feels bored and needs something different...but the main thing is getting her to open up and tell you herself....i don't blame you for needing love and affection, we're human, we all need that....so just try your hardest to have a talk with her and hope for the best.. |
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kalischild57
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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| I can't really answer too much without knowing more about the bad time, but I do know that it takes time for people to come back from a near break-up. Especially one bad enough to almost end a 15 year marriage. Counseling may be in order especially if there was another party involved or substance abuse. Things didn't fall apart in 10 minutes so you can't expect them to repair themselves in 10 minutes either. |
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Miranda G
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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| You need to set a time limit on this and then tell her because no-one should be left to feel like this. My husband and I had problems a few years ago and part of the problem was me being the same as your wife. I loved(and still do) my husband enough to change as much as possible in showing my feelings. if your wife is not willing to even try to show any affection and love then you need to get out and find some-one who does. You may find that when she finally has that deadline she will realise this is serious. But the hardest part is going to be sticking to it. This is harsh and not going to be easy. But try because you deserve this security and happiness. |
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rosemag
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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| You didn't share what this "very bad time" a year ago entailed. if you were cheating on her, for example, she may not be over it yet. It takes some people a very long time to regain trust. If that isn't the case, the relationship sounds one-sided at the present time. You have tried talking to her about your needs, and she apparently comprehends what you are saying, but fails to respond. That, to me, shows a lack of caring on her part. Sadly, I would advise you to perhaps try a trial separation to see if absence changes her behavior. This is really hard when children are involved, but you deserve to be loved too. |
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Jackie M
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:28 pm Post subject: |
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| OMG! If i didn't know any better, I'd think you were MY hubby. He says the exact same things about me to his Mom, my Mom...I do love him, I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. But he did hurt me 6 years ago.(we are going on 10) and I have tried to get over that. I harbor resentment toward him, but I can't see myself moving on. I just can't let my walls down. I've really tried. He's an amazing person, a doting father, but I can't get over the one mistake 6 years ago.Sometimes I feel like the bad guy. I'm sure you're wife loves you. In love, is another issue. Try counseling. She might just lay all out there to someone with an objective perspective and you might make progress. You can't at Step 6 and expect results. Step 1, my friend. |
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free starr
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:31 pm Post subject: |
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| Sounds like your wife has gotten tired in the marriage. Did you cheat on your wife in the past? It seem like she is just there because of the kids and she has been with you for so long she does not know anything else but you. I believe that she stills love you but there must have been something that you did in the past that really hurt her and even though she has forgiven you she has not forgotten and whatever you did you took a really big piece of her heart away and that's why she is not into you, she's scared to step back out there and get hurt again. Buying her gifts and being submissive will not bring back her fire. Have you tried to tell her how she is making you feel? You should really try to talk to her more not just about what is going on now, just speak about the future and all talk about all the good things that you are looking forward to. Try to make her laugh and remind her of the good times that you two had before, bring back the good memories. |
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