My daughter-in-law is pure evil. What can I do to get my son away from her?
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fuck you, lindy lou
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:36 am Post subject: |
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| leave your daughter in law alone or i will kick your ass.dumbass mother in law. |
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melouofs
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:36 am Post subject: |
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| You sound like the problem to me. Sorry, but you sound nuts. |
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canadastacey
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:37 am Post subject: |
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| I can honestly say I see both sides. I understand he's your son and of course, even through your explanation I really don't know your daughter-in-law, but back up a little mom.Maybe she's not a family oriented person and finds your emails and constantly trying to spend time alone with her as intrusive. I have never spent a minute alone with my mother or father-in-law and that's the way I prefer it. Not 'cuase they're terrible people (although they ahve their moments) but just because I'm not a sociable person and I find it awkward so i'd rather not.I've never had to call my mother-in-law or even email her. I think it's my husband's job to deal with his mother as it is my job to deal with mine.Whether you like it or not that's your son's wife and you're going to push him away he's going to side with her more than likely. You don't want to lose your son do you? And what if they ahve children? You're not going to ostrasize them are you? Its not their fault who their mother is. I think you need to let them live their life and be civil. |
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xmandy0828x
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:37 am Post subject: |
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| i understand what your trying to say but let him do what he wants with his life. You cant control him and he's not gonna be your baby forever,Just back off a little.Its not your life. Dont you have one? So let your son be and stop talking bad about her, Do you think you talking bad about her makes you look better? No, it makes you look 5x lower then her, Just because she said some wrong things about you or your husband dont mean you have to do the same back and you really have no right of assuming how much of a good mother she would be. |
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wildflower c
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:37 am Post subject: |
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| You're really putting the "blame" in the wrong direction. I know it's hard to hear and even harder to accept... but your son chose her and every day your son choses to stay. He is the one who could stand up to her and move back to your state, visit more, etc... and he isn't for his own reasons ~ only you and he know why. She isn't holding a gun to his head and making him do these things. What you really need to ask yourself is why your son is allowing all these things to happen, and if it's what he wants... |
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irish_lad_921
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:38 am Post subject: |
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| Well sweety I completely understand your point of view. When I moved out of my house at the age of 18 and just had to kind of turn my back on my family and go and merry my wife I invited them to come and My mother and father came even though they thought the same about my wife as you think about your sons wife. Also I didn't contact my family for about 2 years because I was busy trying to be an adult and a husband. But you have to remember hun you don't have to live with your son’s wife forever she could be the devil incarnate but neither you nor I can do anything to show him other wise he is an adult now I know it’s difficult because you still see him as your baby boy and you think you need to protect him. Keep trying to include her in your guys life and more she pushes you guys away more you try and include her she will either step across the line and cause your son to see what a complete B**** she is or cause her to change for the better. If you keep pushing they get a divorce you will push your son away because he will see it as you trying to control his live when I know you are trying to protect him. Him saying that is out of being hurt he feels hurt because he things and may love her to death and feels like you are trying to separate them. What I suggest sweety step back from this situation keep trying to involve them, tell your son you love him, Explain you are still seeing him as your baby by but you have to accept he is an adult, Be there to pick him up if he falls and always let him know you will keep being there for him if he needs you. That’s all I can advise I wish you the best of luck and I hope your son sees her as her true self or she changes for the best. |
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CindyLu
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:40 am Post subject: |
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| You are the problem here lady. You sound like the mother in law from hell Friendly emails and cute pictures my butt. I do not blame her for ducking your inquisitions. You need to just stop it and back off. You are the one driving your son away by not being civil to his wife. You are trying to win a battle with the wife, a battle that you can only loose, You son is not you little boy any more and the sooner you recognize the fact and start accepting his wife and stop calling her names and saying that she is evil the better for everyone. You call her a tramp and then expect that she will want to chit chat with you? You say she is evil but you want her to bring her children around you? You got a lot of nerve and I can see why your son chose to live in another state to stop your interference in his marriage. So she went back to school instead of him. Obviously they thought it would be better this way. You need to change your attitude completely or you are never gonna see those grand kids who will love their mother and do just fine without you. |
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bri
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:42 am Post subject: |
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| Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to split them up. Your job in directing your sons life finished when he became an adult and he is now free to make his own choices and decisions. If you have bought him up well and been a good mother (which it sounds as though you have) he will be confident enough to make his own decisions and stand on his own two feet without the need to be 'looked after' by the family.It is a pity you have fallen out with your daughter in law because the more you are against her the more your son will cleave towards her. if you had stayed on better terms and been loving and considerate to her your son would have been able to contrast her behaviour with yours and seen her true colours.The chances are he sees a different side to her than you and she obviously meets some of his needs. he has decided she is right for him and believes that if you loved him you would support him in his choices whatever they are. he expects your love to be unconditional and accepting.Your best bet would be to meet up with his wife and see if you can iron out some of your diffrences. But you must understand that her role in life is not just being a Stepford Wife to your son, She is a person with a brain, likes. dislikes, feelings and career needs as well.I hope for all your sakes and any future grandchildren that you can soften your heart to at least be accepting even if you cant be loving. |
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nwnativeprincess
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:43 am Post subject: |
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| You sound like a typical MIL. Get over yourself and let your son live his OWN life. It is not your choice who or what he marries, you just have to except it. You are pushing your son away by not being supportive of his choice. Be pleasant and nothing more with your DIL.You Don't have to like it, You just have to except it. |
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Perdendosi
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:44 am Post subject: |
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| What sort of relationship is this woman supposed to have with a family who has openly stated and tried to ruin her marriage?You don't get along... that happens with in-laws. But there's something your son sees in her (unless he's being held married against his will) and you have to realize that he loves her.It was discourteous of her not to accept your forwards, but lots of people don't like forwards. It was rude of her to sleep with your son in your home against your will. But that's water under the bridge. It was extremely rude of THEM to get married without your presence, but if you'd only not have protested their planned marriage in another state, you could have been at the wedding.Someone has to bury the hatchet in this relationship. It's not going to be your daughter-in-law, so it has to be you. Stop the passive-aggressive refusal to visit them. Stop with the overt attempts to break them up. Make friends and play nice, or otherwise you WILL lose your son as well as your daughter in law. You'll probably lose your grandchildren, too. |
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top contributor
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:53 am Post subject: |
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| you made this question up!!! it is hilarious!! no one can be this psycho. of course, i mean you. |
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freetobe_007
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 10:00 am Post subject: |
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| Take a step back from this situation and read what you just wrote. Try to do so as if it isn't your own feelings and words. Does it sound like you are a bit demanding? It seems this young woman has come on the scene and is trying to demand respect from you as the first woman in your son's life. You have to learn to respect this. He must leave his parents and cling to his wife..she is what he has chosen whether you like it or not.You are going to have to find a way to call it truce with this woman if you ever want to have a healthy relationship with your son and his future family. Accept that she is first now and he still loves you. Now try loving her honestly and putting aside your feelings on the situation.See things from her perspective- she feels totally disrespected by you and not welcomed. Wouldn't you act the same way?Stop the gossiping about her and conspiring..get back to love and build a solid healthy relationship with her.Best to you both! |
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Barbara B
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 10:09 am Post subject: |
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| Wow! We get the point. You and your daughter-in-law don’t get along.Sadly, this is one of life’s hard lessons. You can’t control your children forever. This means, he chose HER. He chose to be with HER, live in HER state, be a part of HER family, and follow HER rules. Of course, any adult over 18 can do that – and you have absolutely no say so about it.You CAN, however, control your thoughts, words and actions. I suggest you write her a letter acknowledging your difference but asking for a chance to at least be civil with each other. Don’t enumerate her shortcomings – just acknowledge the fact that you two have different ideas about many things. Period. But do offer the olive branch of peace. Ask if she would be willing to overlook your many shortcomings so that peace can reign in the family once again.Then it’s up to her to accept or reject.And if she rejects your offer of peace? Well, who can blame her? Re-read your post and just about anyone would agree that a great deal of the problem lies with you. So just keep extending the olive branch. Even if you want to throw up afterwards – just keep extending it.Now as part of the hand of peace – you MUST no longer EVER make a rude or mean comment to or about his girl. No matter what – parenting, budgeting, housekeeping – whatever. No more mean comments Ever again. Even if you go home and take a bath afterwards you feel so dirty for not saying something.Eventually one of two things will emerge. You two will somehow find common ground on which you can function; or her true ugly colors will come to fore and your son will realize what a loser he’s married, dump her and find a much nicer girl. BUT none of this will EVER come about if you keep on with this kind of behavior. All you will do is further alienate your son – and future grandchildren – and you will be a sad, bitter woman for it.Now this is easier said than done – but I’m sure you’re up to it. |
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jennajade
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 10:11 am Post subject: |
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| You know if I were you I wouldn't say anything negative to him any more or her. Cause you are only driving your son farther away from you. She is just repeating all the negative things your saying about her and when you have it in writing it's on paper. Stop all negative things. Now from here on out call and ask to speak to your son tell him that you except them into your family. (yes) this is what I said. that you have turned over an new leaf. You don't want to loose your son do you? well? (he's not going to change) and he doesn't see what she is like cause he loves her for now. make it a habit to call him 2 times a week. Then go to see them at lease 2 times a month or more if at all possable. Don't give up on your son. eventually he will learn that she is crazy and leave her. don't offer her or him any more money. just get him on your good side and keep it there. It will come about that your husband will think god what has gotten into her she's nuts. and why did I marry her. and if she has kids you will want to see them right. you will want a hand in maybe taking them for a month or two. you have to keep in your son's life. Keep praying and have faith. and I will do the same. Good luck |
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gottaloveredroses
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 10:14 am Post subject: |
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| "she weasled out of answering any questions "... well, you have no business asking her loads of question! She is entitled to her privacy and past, wether you like it or not."She lured my son to come live in her state, where they were to be married, according to her demands. What about HIS family or HIS state?". Now, there's a strong possibility that HE asked her to marry him, but was too afraid to let you know, because as we can see here, to tend to over react and be a b*tch!. Why would he have to choose his family? Maybe the opportunities were better there. He is starting HIS life, or I should say THEIR life. It doesn't mean it has to be close to mommy!"She complained about my daily friendly emails and cute pictures I would send in an effort to include her" Are you kidding me? DAILY emails? Wow, I am glad my MIL was nice and was letting us breath, damn! She doesn't want to be "included". she doesn't need to be "Included". And sending daily emails is just trying to get on her nerves, trying to butt in, NOT trying to include someone!!! "I protested and they called off their initial wedding plans." and then you complain they got married without you? You have NO business protesting about their wedding plans! it's THEIR'S. You CHOSE to interfere the first time, had my parents or my inlaws done that, they wouldn't had been welcome either! Actually, my FIL tried that, said he couldn't "take some time off" to come to our wedding (he was trying to control us, but we decided that if he couldn't make the effort, it was HIS problem). Well, he was there. Because we didn't budge. "I don't want to give her the satisfaction of acknowledging that I recognize they live in that state just to spite me". You give yourself WAY too much credit there. I doubt you're THAT important in her life, they moved there for practical reasons, or because they wanted to, NOT to spite you. Wow, am I ever glad my mother in law was sweet, kind and not some crazy psycho like you! "She says horrible things about me and my family to my son". Well, geez, I wonder why, because in return you say suchhhhhh nice things about her! Don't do to others what you don't want done to you! She probably got fed up because her husband was always telling her his mother said this and tht and didn't think they should marry and bla bla bla.Your son is a grown up. not 2. You do not get to control his life. You need to get your own lifeand quite frankly, if I had a MIL like you, I'd sure as hell wouldn't let my children near someone so vindictive! You'd probably be a b*tch to her in front of the kids, and insult her when she's not there. GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP. YOU NEED IT! |
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