how would you handle all this?

gonnawin · Yahoo User

this will take awhile..so you may want to wait till I'm finished, I just want to make sure I'm not being the nagging wife, for further info though..I've not said anything to him yet. My husband and I have been married for 9 years now, and before we had kids, we would always go out and have a good time, well, once we had a child, I really lost all interest in going out and partying, my idea of a nice fun night out was dinner with my husband, and maybe a movie, or bowling together, even with his friends tagging along, but not going out to clubs or bars and getting drunk anymore (we were 20 and 24 at the time) but he didn't lose that feeling, and continued to do so, and of course, I couldnt nor did I want to hire a baby sitter every other night to do so, so I began staying home more, and he began partying with friends more, ..a little info here..my family moved around alot when I was growing up, so I really didn't have any set friends, and certainly none well enough to have a girls night out with, which to be quite honest...I didn't want to have anyway, or not the partying getting drunk kind, which where I live? at 20? that was all the girls liked to do. anyway, the habit started of him being out with his friends and me home alone with our baby, until it escalated and I told him it would need to tame down a bit, there were quite a few times of almost divorces, but things worked out. I want to add here..I'm a stay at home mom, always have been since our child was born, and he works his ass off for us, so I don't mind him going out once in a while, but this was turning into an every night thing. so its 7 years later now, and he has totally toned it down, he'll go through these stints sometimes of picking up the pace, lol, but for the most part, it winds up being a once every 2 week thing, but whats bothering me is this....my life doesn't revolve around my daughters, but they are a majority of it, my 7 year old is in school, and she has alot of activities over at the church next door, so most of my friends are married, with one or more children, our idea of get togethers are scrapbooking, and tubberware parties, and child play dates at the park, I take my 7 year old to all her activities because daddy is working, however...all his friends are single, or divorced, and unattached, I have nothing in common with them..nor their girlfriends who do not have children (or do, but leave them at home to go out drinking with the lastest guy.....I have no problem with women going out, but these are the kind of women who do it irresponsibly) whats bothering me is that..it seems like our lives are going into two seperate directions...he works his butt off for us, I never have to worry about the bills or food, etc but at the same time, I have this whole seperate life from his, and vice versa, I volunteer at our church, and I have pta meetings, and I'm studying for school (I pay for that on my own) and taking care of our kids, some of my friends were actually shocked that I had a husband when he showed up one night at our daughters church choir, and everytime he goes out..its always last minute, so there is never anytime to find a babysitter so that I can join in, but I think I would end up feeling like a 3rd, or 5th, 7th ect wheel if I did go along, this became painfully obvious to me last year on his birthday, I always throw him a party, always, and so I did so this past year, and invited all his friends, which were really none of my friends, so that I didn't feel uncomfortable, I invited my mother and father along, as well as his mother and father, and his cousins (we always have a great time with them) well, at the end of the dinner party (where we were all having a great time) he left..with his friends, and I realized..he's never thrown me a party, not once, I get up early on father's day to have our 7 year old make him a father's day breakfast, and then we give him gifts, yet I've never recieved a mother's day breakfast, and thats even after our 7 year old has asked him to help her make me one, we have poker parties on every 3rd friday of the month, and this last one, I looked around and realized, all his friend are there, they are all single, and the party is always right at the time I'm putting the kids to bed, they don't tone down they're talking, nor the words they use, and if I'm not down in time after getting the kids to bed, they start without me and blind me out, till I can get down there. my question after all this is...what do I do? I feel like we are both living different lifes, I don't think he would even know the names of my friends if you asked him, but its not all bad either, he's a wonderful father, and a wonderful provider, and we still have our moments of sitting on the couch and watching a movie together, eating dinner, etc, but we have nothing in common when it comes to friends and lifestyles. I've thought about divorce on more than one occasion just because of the alone factor, while he's a great provider, and father, he's not really someone I can rely on for companionship.Army Wife, its not that I'm taking advantage of his financial support, I feel bad about my feelings because, he really is a hard worker, he works very hard to get us what we need and want, trips, extras, christmas, birthdays for the girls, but he's just clueless that I don't need a bill payer, I need a friend, companionship, etc, we both come from very hard poor hard backrounds, and I know, in knowing him..if I leave, it will be like a slap in the face to all his hard work, but when I try to get across to him that I can get anyone to pay for me, I can pay for myself, he throws off that I'm being nagging, unappreciative, etc, I'm not looking for a meal ticket here, I love my husband, and if we can make it work, then thats what I want, but I need more than just a bill payer, you know, at the end of the day, he should be the one I can tell things to, what I like, what I learned that day, my interests, but one major thing I've noticed, if I have an interest, and its not something he'sinterested in, the conversation ends real quick. I'm into ancient history, and books, and I'm studying forensics, I'd love to learn hebrew or another language, etc...but if its something he's not interested in, if its not electronics, or sports, then I have no one to talk to.