	Gift Search:

FAQ

Friend's Dream Wedding a MOH's Worst Nightmare?

Goto page 1, 2 Next
	Gift Discussion Home -> Gift Registry

Author

Message

Sharie
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 2:56 pm Post subject: Friend's Dream Wedding a MOH's Worst Nightmare?

I am having a problem with one of my friends who is getting “married.” I put that in quotes because she is already married - it's complicated and long but entertaining if nothing else, so please keep reading. When my friend got pregnant at 17, she married her boyfriend at the courthouse, which was legal in our state. She’s always dreamed of her big “church wedding” though and still planned on having it, just later, because she feels like she missed out on getting presents and money from people (which when you point out that is what happens when you elope she has a fit). Six years ago (two years into the marriage) she started planning her “wedding.” She asked me to be her MOH and I love her to death so delusion-ally thought I would try to help make up for her initial wedding (even though her husband is a jerk - but she won't leave for religious reasons). We started looking at wedding stuff, she bought her dress, I spent about $350 on a dress, shoes, accessories, etc. I also bought numerous wedding stuff for her (probably another $250) and another $300 on bridal shower prep when she canceled her “wedding” because she found out she was pregnant with her second child and didn’t want to have the wedding when she was pregnant. Fine, whatever, she was so upset I let the rest go. 4 years later – she’s planning her church wedding again, (we now have 3 babies and are 6 years into the marriage.) She changes her color scheme so I have to buy a new dress and accessories (even though the old one ended up sitting in my closet) – it’s more formal this time so this time around it costs me $475. I already got her all the wedding planning stuff so saved money on that. We get through the bridal shower ($700) and bachelorette party ($1,250). We’re about a month away from the wedding when…her husband moves out and in with another woman. Wedding called off. Am I ticked, a little, but again, she’s horribly upset and I just count to 10 and let it go. Flash forward to present day – she is planning her third attempt at this wedding and I am just tired of it. He’s a jerk and she’s not going to leave him. It makes me sick to think that I have spent so much money on weddings that haven’t even happened for a woman who has been married 7 years and has 4 children. (And yes, no need to tell me I am an idiot for spending the money, I have beat myself up over it enough as it is - trust me) To top it all off she left me a message the other day to talk about what theme she wants for the bridal shower and what to put on the gift registry (so people can buy her more presents even though she didn’t return the last ones she got when she called off the other weddings). She also wants to talk about the new dress I have to get with her new color scheme. Seriously, enough is enough. How do I politely tell this girl that the last thing I am going to do is expend more effort on a wedding that I don’t think is going to happen and more money when I have wasted so much in the first place? I am so sorry this is so long. Once I got typing it just kind of flowed.

girlnxtdoor
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:02 pm Post subject:

tell her the only way you will b her moh is if she havin a divorce party

momma mia
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:02 pm Post subject:

WOW! Tell her you want to help her and understand that she really wants to have a great wedding BUT you can NOT continue to spend $$$ on dresses you don't wear.. and try to use one of the color schemes she had before

amanda g
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:03 pm Post subject:

I hate to be harsh but she is already married. I would tell her 3 strikes your out. skip the wedding and just have a party if she wants one. I just had a civil ceremony and I have had t o live with that to. she needs to face the fact that her time has passed and do like all the mothers do and take over her children's weddings when the time comesIf I was invited to this one I would remind her I already bought her a gift for the last however many I bought them for

Garnet Glitter
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:04 pm Post subject:

Simple, tell her exactly how much you have spent on her other two 'tries' and you don;t have anymore money so you wear either outfit or she gets someone else and finds someone else to host her showers, etc........sounds like the gal has more than a few screws loose...good luck.

Drake's Mommy
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:05 pm Post subject:

I'm not even going to go into the fact of how wrong it is to have a "wedding" after this many years, etc., because you're not the "bride" and you know it's stupid. So.... on to your question. Do NOT throw her another bridal shower if she didn't even return the gifts from the first one. If she finds someone else to throw her one, then fine, attend it and buy her a little gift if you want. But no more bridal showers. Secondly, tell her that you will only be her MOH if you can wear one of the two dresses you already bought per the previous planning. Tell her you can't afford to spend another $400 on a third dress. Lastly, tell her how you feel without being too mean. Explain to her that you want to be there for her, but you have to admit you don't approve of her marriage with this guy anymore after what he did to her, and you think she needs to move on, regardless of her religious views. She needs to do what's best for the kids and herself.

Sun R
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:05 pm Post subject:

maybe you and she need to have a talk. One that goes something like 'I realize you have changed colors for your wedding, but I do have 2 dresses that I've already purchased and I really don't have the funds to purchase another.' then hit her with the, I do apologize, but I don't think I'll be able to handle the shower for this, unless it is a small get together. Don't fold and give her another shower or another batchelorette party, its been done once before. Make her see that if she chooses to renew her vows, it isn't the same as being married again. Its a ceremony to renew the vows they took years ago and since they've been married for 7 years, why not wait until the 10th anniversary and do it then????? Don't waste any more $ on this, yes she's your friend, but even a parent wouldn't put up this much for a wedding, which did take place 7 yrs ago whether or not it was the wedding the couple wanted

Brutally Honest
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:07 pm Post subject:

I'm sorry to say it, but it's time for some "tough love." Tell your friend that you love her unconditionally, but you just cannot bring yourself to be part of this farce any longer.If she wants to "renew her vows" (because you can't get married again, being married already!...especially in a church!!) that's fine....send you an invitation. But you won't be part of the couple's party nor will you have a hand in the planning of an event that most likely will NOT take place at all.SHE is the delusional one if she honestly thinks that after all this time she'll get a scrap of anything in the form of a wedding gift! I pity you...and I certainly don't envy your position. But for your own mental and emotional well-being, I'd sever ties with this fiasco before it actually goes off the tracks AGAIN.

karinmaxim
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:07 pm Post subject:

lay it on the line with her- that you love her but you just cant afford any more expenses! let her know that many brides renew their vows after a special anniversary and many pastors,priests or other clergy are happy to officiate!!

SChi25
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:08 pm Post subject:

Holy heck, this is a hilarious story. Gosh, I feel so bad for you. This is it, though. I would tell her the following:"Look, as your friend, I feel I can be honest with you. So I have to tell you that after two cancelled weddings, wherein I incurred a lot of costs that I could not get refunded back to me, I can't be in this one."I would say that if she decides to have a small, tasteful affair where you can buy any dress you want at a department store and use shoes you already have, then fine, you'll be there. But say that this is unfair to you, and she should acknowledge when she's put YOU through.She'll probably get defense and put on a show about how she's the bride and you're her friend, etc. But put your foot down this time. You know what the outcome will be if you don't.

Stephanie
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:08 pm Post subject:

Well I would want to be nice too even though she seems to have no concern for how much money you are out. Let alone how much time you are out. I think you just need to sit her down and tell her that you already have two dresses with accessories that I have gotten no use and you are not going to buy anything more. Tell her honestly that you are not going to spend a dime on any more showers or bachelorette parties since you have done this twice already. Not to mention that she is not a bachelorette. You also need to tell her what a HUGE etiquette faus paus she is making by registering for more gifts when she didn't return the ones she got when it was called off.This is hard to do but telling her the truth doesn't mean you have to say it in a loud voice. I do not envy you but you have tried very hard to be a good friend but like you said enough is enough. Good luck!!

Brandy P
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:10 pm Post subject:

have him pay u back he broke those vows and she did not have to take him back. that's in the book of matthew. if they are catholic they didn't get married in a church so The Church doesn't honer it. i think that part about divorce is during the sermon on the mount in ch 6! and if nothing else u may have to break it off with her! good luck!

Autumn Dreamwalker
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:11 pm Post subject:

For me the best way to communicate is via writing. I would write her a letter so you can get all your feelings out about the whole situation. At this point I'd say she's being ridiculous. If they want to renew their vows then they can go to Vegas or have their own little vacation together, that might even help them work on their problems. She needs to give up the dream wedding and focus on her marital problems. You don't need to shell out anymore money on this. Its sad that she wants a wedding and its too bad she didn't get one. However it is too late now and she obviously has bigger problems."I love you and you are my friend but we need to talk about your wedding situation. You are married already and have 4 children, I know you wish you had the big wedding but you didn't. You tried already several times and it didn't work out on top of which you have and are having marital problems. Please set your priorities here, a wedding isn't going to fix these issues and I simply cannot help you financially. Maybe the two of you can go on a nice little vacation to renew your vows and get some alone time to work on the marriage but I think your time has passed to have the big church wedding."

♥ April ♥
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:11 pm Post subject:

First of all, you are not an idiot for spending all that money - you were trying to be a good friend to a woman who doesn't seem to have much common sense about how the real world works. This is what I would do - I would tell her that you have already been through this twice and spend a lot of money, time and effort on a wedding that has yet to happen. You can tell her you are more than happy to be her MOH, but if she wants you to get a new dress and have another bridal shower then she is going to have to foot the bill for all of this. You have already spent major amounts of money trying to make her happy, but you just cannot do it anymore. From the way you are describing her though I wouldn't expect her to take this calmly. She is probably going to be pretty upset that you refuse to give in to her unreasonable demands - but she will realize that she has made a mistake once she sees that no one is willing to put up with her. You have been a good friend and put up with a lot more than you probably should have. This girl needs to step back into reality. She has already been married for 7 years and has 4 children. I know people want their big day to be special, but it sounds like she is doing this for all the wrong reasons.Either way, I wish you luck. You have been a good friend and in no way should you feel bad about this.

fizzygurrl1980
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:16 pm Post subject:

Wow, you are a much nicer friend than I am...I would have told her from the get-go that she should have thought about that dream wedding before getting knocked up at 17, and that sometimes you just have to suck it up and realize that maybe life took you in a different direction than you originally planned, but that doesn't mean she can just go back and re-create it. It's so sad, like one of those people who PhotoShops their picture into a background with the Eiffel Tower because they could never afford to really go to Paris or something...Also- $1250 for a bachelorette party?? That's insane for anyone, but especially so for a woman who's already married 7 years with 4 kids- seems like her last night out as a single gal already occured sometime around Y2K...tell her to either keep the old color scheme and dress or find herself a new MOH for her fake wedding.

	Gift Discussion Home -> Gift Registry	All times are GMT - 6 Hours Goto page 1, 2 Next
Page 1 of 2

Source: