Friend's Dream Wedding a MOH's Worst Nightmare?
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miss_nikki
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:19 pm Post subject: |
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Just graciously (as possible) decline, she had two other opportunities to have you as a MOH and both times she didn't come through. You shouldn't have to buy a third dress, and technically if you're already married it is tasteless to have (yet a second) bridal shower. Just nicely explain that you're not going to be able to handle the responsibility or the cost yet a third time. Hilarious story though.  |
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funketybucket
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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| seiously sit her down and explain how ridiculous this all is, she does not need to marry this guy for one....second you have spent sooo much on weddings that didn't happen and I would be scared that it would be called off again...it's also very very very tacky for her to have another shower and I wouldn't throw it for her. |
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bestadvicechick
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Wow! My question to you is: why are you friends with someone who has so little regard for your time, effort, feelings & finances?!! The old saying is true: you teach people how to treat you. In your case, by your actions, you've "taught" her that it's ok to walk all over you and never have any consideration for you or others. This woman is a piece of work!!! She just keeps having these "weddings" so she can continually get presents!!!!So, here's my answer. You need to PREPARE to call her. I say this because just picking up the phone willy-nilly and calling her could end in disaster if you're not prepared. First, sit down and mentally go through what you'd like to say. Second, psyche yourself out so YOU stay in control of the conversation from the beginning and three, make a conscious choice that you WILL NOT let her manipulate or guilt you into doing something you're not comfortable with. When you've done this, call her. WHen she picks up say "Do you have time to talk because this may take a few minutes.".....if she says yes then proceed. This is YOU being considerate of her time...much more than I can say for her but that's besides the point. I'd say "I love you dearly and you do mean alot to me but I have to decline being a part of this wedding for my own reasons. I've spent $1000 (insert exact amount) on your previous weddings that never happened and I just can't afford to do this one. Also, I just can no longer support your staying in this marriage & it wouldn't be right to be there to celebrate it when I don't agree with it. I don't want to bring down your day. You should have it be what you want it to be. I'm sorry if you're hurt or don't understand but this is my final decision and I hope you will respect it."Again, stay in control of the conversation the whole time. IF she starts crying about the state of her marriage & making you feel bad, just say "I'm sorry you're in this situation but my decision hasn't changed. If you truly cared about me as a friend, you would show more consideration for the incredible amount of time, energy & money you've asked all of us to spend. I'm sorry but I can't support this and I won't." |
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Purpleflower
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:58 pm Post subject: |
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| You don't have to feel like an idiot, most of us do things that turn out to not be for the best for our friends or family because we care about them.I have had to learn how to set boundaries for people whether I care about them or not. This is what you need to do. You're going to have to put your foot down with your friend and try to explain to her that while you do care about her, remind her that you have already spent way too much non-refundable money on her weddings that never took place and you just cannot afford to do it again. Ask her what's wrong with using one of the color schemes that she was going to use before. I also have a friend who knows that her husband is a jerk and is emotionally abusive to her but can't get it through her head that she needs to get out of the marriage. My friend already knew going into the marriage that the guy was a jerk and I tried to tell her that she shouldn't marry him because he wasn't going to change and I knew how she felt about divorce. She went ahead and married him anyway and they just had a child together and he has not changed.Your friend like my friend needs to leave the husband.It also bothers me what you said about her regarding having multiple showers to get gifts and then not returning any of them. That's seems like she is using people in my opinion.I'm sorry my answer is long.Good luck! |
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tammyj_1971
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Wow, THAT has to be the strangest one I've ever read about! (and you were correct, ENTERTAINING at least!) No matter HOW GOOD of a freind this is, you HAVE to draw the line. If she starts talking about her "wedding" again, you can tell her that you would be happy to wear one of the dresses that you have ALREADY purchased, point out how much MONEY you have ALREADY put into her "weddings". Tell her that she's HAD a shower and YOU will not be thowing her another. (How tacky is it to keep having bridal showers and NOT get married? Really, people WILL be offended!) Be the best friend that you can be, but PLEASE, for your OW#N sanity, do NOT let this woman walk all over you again. |
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valschmal
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetie, at this point, I'm not sure polite is something I would worry about too much! This girl is obviously a lifetime member of the tacky club! OMG! Are you kidding me ? If I didn't know how people act, I would seriously think you were just a good writer! I would tell her that you are just not financially and emotionally able to help her this time around! You've already done more than your duty three times and you can't do anymore. Tell her if she truly wants you to stand up with her at her vow renewal (which, by the way, that's what these are, not weddings!) you will be happy to stand there in a pretty dress you already own and that's about it! If she gets mad, oh well! I might consider suggesting to her that she also needs major counseling to keep staying with this guy, and explain where these babies are coming from, cause she doesn't seem to know! |
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