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We have been married less than a year but his relatives are hideous.?

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altha
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:14 pm Post subject: We have been married less than a year but his relatives are hideous.?

I have been married for less than a year. I am well educated and live in elegant home in an upscale community. I married a man younger with a lot less education. He appears to have adapted well to my life style. His family is uneducated, poor, and unsophisticated. They arrive at my home with containers to cart off all the left over food. The children of his ex-wife whom he calls step children soak up his resources. My husband does not make much money and contributes little to our expenses. I become upset when his side of the aisle uses up his meager resources then I have to make up the extra because he has even less to contribute to our lifestyle . These people don't have the manners to ever tell me thank you for gifts, flowers or anything that I send. When I mention any of this to my husband he becomes angry with me and defensive of them. It is destroying our relationship. I never met them until the day of our wedding.

neva
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:18 pm Post subject:

Sounds like he was looking for a woman to pay for his needs.He's a gigolo and needs a better job .Ask him to choose you or his crappy family.

Thegustaffa
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:20 pm Post subject:

Get out now. You know it's building up to this. It won't get easier with time.

cd
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:21 pm Post subject:

well luckily you have yahoo to thank for complaining. you chose to marry this guy and that is what you get. suck it up. we all have issues with family. but family is blood they are who they are. be glad for having family and some fun characters you can talk stories about. its a boring life without family. and as for thank you cards. not everyones families does the thank you cards. in some families they know you are appreciative and don't want you to spend extra on a card when they already know. and if they don't have much money you should be sensitive to that.

Sabine É
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:22 pm Post subject:

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You married an uneducated, under-employed man from a poor, unsophisticated family. I think it would have been a good idea to meet his family before marrying. Just have to put up with it now.

H W
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:22 pm Post subject:

Unfortunately, we don't just marry an individual, we marry into an entire family.It is too bad that you didn't meet them before you married.I don't think this situation will be easily worked out (what situation is?)... but if you love each other you can make it work.You can't change his family, but your husband can modify his behavior and you can modify yours. It is your husband's responsibility to keep his family in check.

KiaSister1
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:24 pm Post subject:

They are not destroying you relationship- you are. What is this all about- they eat up his meager resources, then I have to kick in. Where I come from, there are not his resources and her resources, they are our resources. You need to stop being all rich and spoiled and disgusted by his "white trash" relatives and start being more understanding. I read your question and got the distinct impression that you think you are better than his family and him. You need to stop being better than them, and start being more tolerant. Did you not know about the step children before you married him? I'm sure you did. You married him for who he is, now stop whining about him. You need to grow up and stop being so dang spoiled.

rooster
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:24 pm Post subject:

dont give these people anything anymore - if you have them over keep it to a minimum and try to go to wherever they live for visits - another option is move away from them if you find the same job in another state your hubby will probably go with you and the 2 of you will be better for it -

kim t
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:25 pm Post subject:

Wow this was a red flag waving.... sorry to hear this but didn't you think it was a little odd you didn't meet them before hand??

Deep Thought
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:27 pm Post subject:

That is not a good combination. You married a less educated man who makes less money and has relatives that don't quite fit your social level. It would be interesting to know how you present this information to your husband. from your tone you seem to believe that you have somehow married "beneath" your status. That may be true and if that's the case, you have to decide if the revelations of his family's behavior and his defensiveness about the subject are deal breakers. If they are, then you you need to move on. That way, you don't further entwine yourself into his family's mess. If you choose to deal with them, then just make sure you keep it moving. Share a joke or some encouragement with them, give them a hug but after a while just keep walking. It's not your job to support his family and it shouldn't be his.

frawlicious
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:30 pm Post subject:

In-laws! Damn! They can make or break a marriage. I'm sorry to hear that they are acting an a$$. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it if the husband is not willing to step up and admit that they are crowding and controlling. I feel your pain thoguh, Good Luck to you!

TwyztedChyck
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:34 pm Post subject:

No offense, but you sound like a selfish, spolied brat. So what if his family is poor? Let them have the leftover food or whatever it is you/he can help them with. Maybe they are too embarassed to say thank you. And is that all you are wanting when you send flowers or gifts? A thank you means so much that you will let it tear your relationship apart if you don't get it? Add shallow to selfish and spolied. Whatever happened to giving to someone just because? You apparently haven't known poverty, but maybe you should. That's his family. If you love him, you will try to accept them for his sake and for the sake of the relationship. If you don't love him, you'll let it become a thorn in your side.

EllD75
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:37 pm Post subject:

Sorry but that is your fault for not knowing what you were getting yourself into. You should have met his family before you got married. If the children are his step children then why is he paying for them? That does not make any sense! The way I see it you got what you deserve, you didnt make a very good decision when you decided to pick a life partner. Did you not think that the difference in money and education would be an issue? You also sound quite snotty in my opinion. Maybe you should bring your nose out of the air a few notches and really get to know his family before you start judging them for what they dont have.

blissbelle
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:39 pm Post subject:

The lawns not that green after all huh? There are two ways to handle this situation. First, you can cut your loses and simply move on. Second, you can ignore your in-laws by spending the least amount of time with them when they are in town for a visit. Always have something to do. No more meals prepared, no more flowers etc. Simply no more anything for his free-loading family members, save your time and energy to luxuriate on you. He didn’t come from anything and seems like he didn’t turn out to be much of anything. Marrying you was the jackpot; the triple seven on the slot machine and thus the coins flowed. You surely can’t believe he’s going to take your side when you air how you feel. Some believe that in-laws should not be a major factor in marriages. If your a family oriented person, then the things they do will have a negative impact on your marriage.Your much better in so many ways. Allow your mind to direct you to make the right choice because your heart may keep you stagnated.

coolaid
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 4:41 pm Post subject:

Sounds to me you rushed into this marriage. I'm sorry, but you are a spoiled little brat. His people are beneath you. They don't deserve to be in the same air as you. You seem to think the same about your husband your other half. Maybe this is what God meant about unequally yoked. Maybe you should take some of your resources and get some marriage counseling. So this doesn't lead to another mistake on your part. As far as his family is concerned you have a voice let them know how you feel about them taking all your stuff. It is not right You and your husband are not their personal bank.

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