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How much should my parents spend on a wedding gift for us?

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Jason
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:26 pm Post subject: How much should my parents spend on a wedding gift for us?

I'm 34 and it is my first marriage.. My wife to be is 38 and it is her 2nd... Our parents are all middle class people, not rich or poor for that matter, but nobody has offered to help pay for anything at all-- except for my dad who offered to pay for the bar bill at the reception until he heard it could cost over a thousand and then he renigged on it.We don't have money ourselves, so we're just going to get married in a park later today and then go out to eat at an average restaurant. The only thing my parents have offered is to pay for our dinner after the wedding (not everyones, only ours) even though theres only going to be like 8 people there.My mom told my fiancee that she doesn't want to give us money because she thinks it will just go towards credit card bills, so she wants to buy us some item instead (I think she is thinking on the lines of pots and pans or something).Should I be insulted by the cheapness or what would you folks do?Also it's not like I'm going to inherit anything... My parents say they love me and aren't mad at me for anything, but they have written a will that leaves everything into a trust fund for one of their grandchildren and my sister and I are left out... I asked about it a few years ago and my mom told me I was wrong to think that they owe me anything...I should also add that my grandmother who was dirt poor paid for my parents wedding and reception, and all my cousins weddings have been and are being paid for by their parents, so there is a tradition of this in our family. Yeah I'm probably selfish, but I feel like the red headed stepchild or something...

Kim B
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:29 pm Post subject:

Of course I don't know the whole story but geez...that's harsh!I guess you shouldn't expect anything but it would be nice to feel like it is your special day. Some kind of keepsake - maybe $100 or so. Something that can remind you of your wedding day. Congratulations! My husband owed his grandparents a little money before we got married and their gift to us was to forgive that debt. I thought that was quite tacky....but nice at the same time!?!?

Herschel K
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:29 pm Post subject:

I'd say they should spend maybe $100 to $250 on something MEANINGFUL, THAT WILL LAST, AND WILL BE HELPFUL FOR BOTH YOU AND YOUR WIFE.

redpeach_mi
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:29 pm Post subject:

wow...if they are really this tight about their money, i wouldn't want anything from them. i would even refuse their offer to pay for my dinner.

chloe
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:30 pm Post subject:

rude, miserly parents. what the hell?i'm sorry man. have a good wedding though=]

inthewateriremain
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:30 pm Post subject:

You're not owed anything, that is true. But your parents are going about this in a rather hurtful way. Accept anything they give you with a smile and a thank you, and given their behavior, just be glad you got anything at all.

Catch a Falling Star
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:30 pm Post subject:

Wow...I would be kinda hurt. Umm, I don't know what to tell you, but my parents are paying for half of our wedding and then giving us some money to get pictures of our wedding with. You seem like you have more issues that you need to deal with besides the wedding. Not being in the will, but having a trust fund for the grandchild seems kind of strange to me. Good luck with everything!

molly
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:31 pm Post subject:

You are 34 and your wife is 38 - you are both adults and should pay for your own wedding. Your parents should get you whatever they feel comfortable giving - if I were you I would say "no gifts". You get married for the gift of marriage - not to get gifts from other people.As for you not inheriting anything - it is up to your parents to do as they wish - they don't owe you anything. Once you get that clear in your head you have become enough of an adult to appreciate your parents for who & what they are. If you want to do different with your inheritance, do so.

paganmom
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:31 pm Post subject:

Well, they don't owe you anything, they are right about that.Your parents should spend however much THEY want to spend on your wedding. They don't have to give you a gift, a gift should be something they want to give, not something they are obligated to give. I suggest you be happy with what they give you and stop assuming they owe you something.You are 34, you and your wife are adults, start to act like it.

Hot_Momma
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:31 pm Post subject:

WOW! That really sucks. I am sorry to hear that your parents are being so selfish and unsupportive. I don't have an answer for you. But good luck with your marriage and remember when you have kids to not treat them this way! Congrats to you and your soon to be wife.

Qyllix
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:31 pm Post subject:

1. They really dont owe you anything2. be thankful they are there in the first place3.be thankful u have parents who love you4. be thankful taht they offered to buy you a gift.5. if they really are cheapskates, you already knew this and should be able to cope with this idea.

nease174
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:31 pm Post subject:

wow.. you sound like a selfish person... at 34 and 38 you should be at a point in your lives where you should pay for your own wedding... Just be thankful that your parents are offering to pay for your dinner.. but with you being as selfish as you are I'm sure you wont even be thankful for that.

TTerrell
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:32 pm Post subject:

while it sucks....ultimately your parents are right and they dont owe you anything.it would have been a nice gesture to contribute to the wedding but they didnt have to. you should be in their will....but they get to will their money however they want.sounds like your moms in charge and your dad is likely passive and just goes along with what ever mom says. and it sounds like mom likes to punish you for not doing things how she thinks you should.you could be insulted and not speak to them and hopefully they will come crawling back to you to find out if everything can be ok now? but would it all be worth it? they're your parents. love them unconditionally....but dont count on them for nothin.

Diane
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:33 pm Post subject:

i would elope to the courthouse and then later on down when you do have money, go all out.

Suz
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:34 pm Post subject:

Jason . . . you and your bride are in your thirties. JMO, but if two people are mature enough to marry . . . then they are mature enough to pay for their own wedding. If parents wish to gift you with money, that's fine. You can graciously accept.But . . . if parents do not wish to help, you cannot force them to do so. They do not owe you anything. There is no set amount for a parent's wedding gift. People have different financial circumstances and may not be able to contribute as much as you would like. Respect that, and be thankful for all the wonderful things your parents have already done for you.

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