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Did you/would you expect guests to pay for drinks at your wedding?

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juniper
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:34 pm Post subject:

When I married 9yrs ago, we too had to cut back on things as my Father died the year before I married and we paid for everything ourselves.We too were aware that our guests had come from a distance and brought loads of presents so we gave a sit down meal for a set number of people in afternoon then for evening we had a finger buffett. At sit down meal we had 2 red and 2 white bottles of wine on each table which we went to france and brought in bulk. We then handed out vouchers to everyone for two free drinks from the bar and after that guests paid for them thereselves.Our guests commented that they all had good time, so I think its down to your budget and how you feel as remember it's your day not theirs.

MS Williams
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:36 pm Post subject:

You are absolutely correct. You should look after your guest well. I have been to weddings held in hotels. The alcohol had to be purchased on site. And some of the people wedding i attended could afford to purchase it. But they did not pay for it. There are some religious circles that teach against alcohol. Some persons will allow you to have it. But you must pay for it. There are many reasons for this. people are also responsible for drunk drivers after they attend an affair they have provided the alcohol. This would also explain for the limitations. If they don't provide it. You are at your own risk if you get drunk drive and kill someone. So let's just say. They are attending to their guest well when they refuse to provide the alcohol.

cookie
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:36 pm Post subject:

At our wedding we provided the wine that went with the meal...before dinner drinks...fruit punch and soft drinks all night. However, after the meal the bar was a cash bar. While we wanted our guests to have a good time we also didn't want anyone driving that shouldn't be. I know one table at our wedding had a limit put on their wine...but that was the decision of the reception hall...I think that they were on their 10th bottle (for a table of 8 and in less than 2 hours). I know they were a bit upset...but I think it was reasonable to limit them. The food at our wedding was amazing by the way...and we provided accomodation for out of town guests so I don't think that by not letting them drink themselves to the point of throwing up was in any way "neglecting" them.The other thing to remember is that not everyone drinks...so to have a bar there at all is great. I've been to "dry" weddings before. I was happy to go and celebrate with the couple and never felt that just because there was no alchol that anything was missing.

Krissy
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:43 pm Post subject:

We would have loved to have an open bar for our guests, but it wasn't financially possible for us. We have a certain amount of beer and wine available at no cost until they are gone but the rest is a cash bar. And I'm sorry if its cheap and I'm not following ettiquete, but I know my friends and family understand that you don't want to start your lives together in significant debt to celebrate your wedding. We aren't better or worse, we are just different.

pspoptart
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:45 pm Post subject:

Bar should be paid for, just like the food. However, I don't require that they provide me with anything alcoholic. If the best they can afford is punch, water, and tea that's fine. If you can afford to serve wine two or three glasses is plenty, there is no reason why you should be expected to have it completely unlimited and get an unknown amount of bill at the end of the night. You should do the best you can with as much grace as you can, not worry about getting your relatives all liquored up regardless of how far they travel. If they came because they wanted a free shot at getting toasted, sorry but I'd rather you stayed home and kept your present...Presents certainly weren't why I invited you anyway. People have diff. priorities for their weddings. For you it was food and bar. For us we want beautiful pictures and are willing to have a limited bar (only beer and wine) to get better decor for them. Pictures are all that lastes IMO. Food gets eaten and is gone, flowers dies...etc.

Violet Pearl
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:46 pm Post subject:

I've never ever paid for drinks at any wedding or party. I would not pay for a drink at a wedding or party. I would never charge my loved ones for a drink at a party I hosted.

Luv2Answer
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:49 pm Post subject:

I think it would be very rude to invite people to a wedding and make them pay for their own drinks. A wedding is no different than any other party. You wouldn't invite them to a birthday party at your house and then charge them for a plastic cup with soda in it.

lzpa77
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:59 pm Post subject:

For my wedding, my fiance are having a sit down dinner with a bar. We are offering 2 kegs of different brands of beer as our alcohol. If guests want anything "harder" then that they're just going to have to go to the bar and get it themselves. I feel we are being more than generous to feed everybody, send them home with gifts and pay for some alcohol along with all nonalcoholic drinks. Shots and mixed drinks are more expensive and if the guests have to buy, then they "most likely" won't get completely smashed off of hard liquor because they're going to nurse that drink more than they would if it was free. I'm glad you could do that for your guests. That's awesome. Not everyone can and want to do that is all. Congrats on your wedding! I hope it lasts forever!!!!!I marry my sweetie October 20 07

leslie
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:19 pm Post subject:

Charging the guests for anything is just plain tacky.Lady Phoenix isn't far off.

no_frills
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:20 pm Post subject:

I think if you can afford an open bar then do not serve alcohol. I think it is poor taste to even have a tip jar out. As a guest at a wedding or any party the last thing you should be think about what you have in your wallet.

missyj
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:25 pm Post subject:

You said it...they are your guests at an important event. They have spent money for your gift and to attend your wedding...now you want them to pay for their drinks??? I am sure they would do so but they will talk about it after the event in a negative manner.

sylvia
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:00 pm Post subject:

You and I are in agreement. I would expect a guest to pay nothing - that's why they're guests. If they were paying, then they'd be customers.

reginachick22
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:33 pm Post subject:

I agree here. Paying for SOFT drinks? What? That is (or should be) unheard of. Even if you're on welfare. Which in that case, you should not be spending any money on a wedding. Go to the courthouse and go home.I'm not going to say that very poor people people shouldn't get married, but if you can't even afford to pay for pop for your guests, don't have a reception. Please.This is beyond unimaginable for people with decent to high incomes. I cannot understand how someone would expect you to buy them a gift, and then make them pay for their own drinks, eat cheap food, etc.You did the right thing, and I agree that anything else in unacceptable.If worse comes to worse, have a small family dinner at your parents or your house, but never make your guests pay to enjoy themselves at your wedding reception. That is more than bad taste. There is no reason for this.Other options for those not destitute are a dry wedding, limited bar, or limited bar hours (the latter we are doing). Wine on the tables is a good choice as well.You can always have a big 10th anniversary blowout when you finally have some money.

angeldust_599
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:01 pm Post subject:

I agree with you...I got married 2 years ago when I was 19 and my husband was 21...both of us worked low paying jobs (him fast food and me cleaning) and we cut back everywhere we could to make sure there was food and drinks for the guests. I think its insulting to invite people to a party in your honour and then expecting them to pay for things when they get there. and I find its the people who really cant afford it who dont charge their guests and the people who have money to spare are the ones who are too cheap.

gmosaki
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:06 pm Post subject:

We just paid for the non-alcoholic drinks. My husband, our mothers, my father, most of our siblings, most of our other guests, and I do not drink alcohol. It did not make any sense to pay for alcohol. Most of our guests were also driving several miles after the reception since we did not have it close to where most of the them were staying. My in-laws, my husband, and I figured it would be safer to keep the alcohol consumption down.The couple people who had alcohol did not mind paying for their own drinks. They were expecting to pay for the alcohol, including my father-in-law who had a glass of wine. I personally think it is up to the bride, the groom, and whoever else is paying for the wedding whether or not to pay for all drinks or even serve alcohol at the wedding. It depends on cultural as well as personal preferences in addition to logistics as in our case with the reception being far from where the guests were staying.

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