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Did you/would you expect guests to pay for drinks at your wedding?

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helly
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:18 pm Post subject: Did you/would you expect guests to pay for drinks at your wedding?

When I got married years ago, we were on a tight budget, and we found ways to save money (we made and decorated the cake ourselves, we did our own photography etc). We didn't cut back, however, on the venue, the food, or the drinks. We knew people had travelled a long way to help us celebrate our day, and had brought gifts. The least we could do was make sure they were well fed and watered!We gave them really lovely food, and there was no limit on wine etc at the meal, and we put money behind the bar, so that the drinks were complimentary too. I have been to many weddings, including one thrown by millionaires (seriously), where we were expected to buy our own drinks at the bar, and there has been a limit on wine at the tables.Do you think it's important to look after your guests well? I know we felt that there were some things you don't cut corners on, and food and drink was one of them. What do you all think?Ladyphoenix, you couldn't be more wrong. I am asking this as a question about wedding etiquette, not to imply that I am better than everyone.I personally (and I appear to not be alone on this) think that it is bad manners to expect guests to pay for their drinks at a wedding. They have travelled, and brought gifts. Why make them pay any more than they already have?We were thrilled to see all our guests, and as hosts, we wanted to see them well looked after. I am bringing this up now, because this evening, I have just come back from yet another wedding evening reception where I had to pay for drinks at the bar (soft drinks, as I was driving).Why so hostile? If you don't like the question, don't answer.Can I just add that I am talking about ALL drinks being paid for by guests at the bar, not just alcholic ones?Tonight I paid a fortune in soft drinks at the bar for myself, my kids, and other relatives.

vtx.1800retro
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:23 pm Post subject:

i'd be offended if i was invited to a Wedding and was expected to pay for anything, suck it up and pay for it, or don't invite so many people so you can keep the cost down, or dont even have alcoholic drinks available.

bluegirl6
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:24 pm Post subject:

I think it is fine to have a limit to the bar, either a time limit or moneytary limit and then after that people pay for their own. Most people wouldnt drink over that limit anyways but you always get the one or two freeloaders who want to get as much "free booze" as they can. They are the ones who get drunk and ruin an occasion. Why pay to get them drunk?As long as you provide nice wine fo the toasts, why should you have to fork over a fortune for other drinks?

gileswench
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:25 pm Post subject:

I think that if you invite people to your party, they shouldn't have to pay for anything once they walk in the door. Food and drink should be provided for them by the hosts.It's basic good manners.

Phapalla
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:27 pm Post subject:

No, as you said the have traveled a great distance to see these people come together in matrimony. The idea of having to shell out $20-30 after bringing a $100-300 gift (or more!) is simply horrible. But you gotta do, what you gotta. The only reason I could see reason for this is if the invited 300 or more people, but whatever.Glad I Could HelpPhapalla

Karen M
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:28 pm Post subject:

I think that yes, it is best to look after your guests in the best possible way. If you cannot afford alcohol at your wedding, it should not be served at all. There is nothing wrong with a wedding reception where only soft drinks are served. Another alternative is a mixed punch with alcohol in it. This can be an excellent alternative to an open bar. You should do the best you can with the budget that you have.

lady_phoenix39
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:28 pm Post subject:

Personally, I have to wonder why you're addressing this now. It's almost as if you're wanting people to pat you on the back for being "better" than even those 'millionaires' who had cash bars...?No, I do NOT believe it is your duty to make sure anyone is "well watered". Why can't your guests help you celebrate with a great glass of punch? Do you really think you NEED liquor to celebrate? If so, your thinking is a bit off.

ERK
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:28 pm Post subject:

I think it's the height of poor manners to invite guests to a fancy event like a wedding and then not provide their refreshments. Unless it's the annual family picnic, guests don't provide their own food and drink! I realize that traditional weddings are very expensive, and that people have to cut back all over the place to meet budget. But, if you can't afford to serve alcohol, then just don't serve it--offer iced tea, punch, soft drinks, coffee, tea instead--but never make your guests pay for refreshments!

elmer_fuddstien
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:29 pm Post subject:

Well, if there's a bar, then the patrons will assume free booze unless otherwise stated.

100% Woman, yes indeed!
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:30 pm Post subject:

I would make the guests pay for drinks b/c I would not want anyone drunk at my party for me supplying the drinks. #1, I'd save $ by not havign an open bar and #2, less ppl would drink b/c they have to pay for drinks.Most ppl try to BYOB at weddings and that is fine also. i would try to minimize the events of drunk ppl acting stupid at my wedding so therefore I would not have an open bar at my wedding.

Christina V
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:31 pm Post subject:

well, i think your guest should be looked out for, something to eat and drink. i really do not think that having a good time equals having a never ending supply of booze. so as long as there is soda, tea, coffee, lemon aid, something to drink, it sounds good to me. when i think wedding reception, i do not think SCORE FREE BOOZE! i think that two people are getting married and it will be like a party. at a party, the host/ess provides limited drinks, so if there is enough for everyone to get two beers, so be it. it does not mean they need to run out and buy more and more. there is a limit to what a hostess should be expected to do.i think guests are expecting too much if it is suppose to be a nonstop flow of free drinks. people go really overboard when they drink* and it's not their dollar. when people have to pay for it, it might limit how many drinks they have. so i suppose there are a few people who ruin the "free booze" weddings for all. too many brides and grooms have been burned by people going over board and getting plastered that they have to put a limit on it. personally i would not mind a wedding with a cash bar on alcoholic drinks. now charging for soda or a drink like that, that is tacky.

Mutchkin
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:31 pm Post subject:

For any party I would hold coming from my house or any party I host, I put limitations on the alcohol. The reason: I do not want to be responsible for providing alcohol to a person who will get behind the wheel, risking wrecks etc. (manslaughter). However, I believe in providing unlimited non alcoholic beverages: soda, water, tea, coffee etc to my guest.For my wedding, I only had a few close family members. My mom paid for the ticket at the Hard Rock Cafe. In Maui on those who want to go in Feb (our 1 year anniv-honeymoon renewl all in one), we would pay the luau, which gives free-refills of strawberry Daj's etc. Which we would pay for them to attend: includes the really good meal with the entertainment.So, I believe in feeding the guest. But I do not think it is wise to serve unlimited alcohol. Especially if the hostest is lawfully responsible (Especially in California)

CBT Princess
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:31 pm Post subject:

I think it's tacky

randall m
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:32 pm Post subject:

I been to wedding were you buy your drink I thought it was ok. It getting to the thing.

Sophiesmom
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:32 pm Post subject:

It all depends on someone budget...We didn't have people pay for their own, but others have a no host bar, or they give tickets lets say for the first 2 drinks are free...Personally i cared about my guest and made sure they were very will taken care of...

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