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What is the role of a grand mother?

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corriegirl
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:23 pm Post subject:

I do feel bad for you. Grandparents are one of the most important things in my children's lives. NOT just for babysitting either! There has been times when I have been extremely upset with my parents but I never restricted their access to my kids. It's too bad your daughter is being so selfish and hurtful. You sound like a wonderful Grandmother that cares very much. I hope that one day she will realize this. Until then I guess all you can do is treasure the moments you do get to spend with her even if it is to only convenience your daughter. You could try having a heart to heart with her but this probably would only make things worse for you. Wish you all the best.

Major Tom
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:25 pm Post subject:

You either raised a very selfish self centered daughter or her husband is controlling her. Try sitting down together with the both of them and see if you can work something out where you can get her one day a week for a few hours, either at their house or yours. I feel for you.

Terry2fish
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:25 pm Post subject:

It seems that your daughter and son-in-law have different ideas about your role as a grand mother than what you do. I don't think you are being unreasonable. I think you need to invite them over to your house and sit them down to discuss how you are feeling. This is something that you need to work out with them.

LittleBarb
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:27 pm Post subject:

Children are "gifts from god to be loved and enjoyed by their GRAND PARENTS"...... not exactly---it's "gifts from god to be loved and enjoyed by their PARENTS"... a grandparent's role IS to be there to help.... not interfere... Your daughter and her family (husband and daughter) should have lives of their OWN that do not always include you... you CANNOT and SHOULD not be obsessive over this child.... after all the child IS your DAUGHTER'S CHILD.... I can understand that your daughter and husband want ALONE time with their daughter---and they MUST also share their daughter with HIS parents as well as YOU.... maybe they feel that your babysitting time is YOUR time with your grand child... My mother used to be VERY upset if I didn't bring HER only grandchild to see her at LEAST once a week....(she NEVER came to my house to see him)..... If I didn't bring him over at LEAST once each week I got phone calls with the WORST little guilt trips.... Finally I just started taking weekends and going away WITH MY CHILD... I worked full time and really only had those few precious hours at night and the weekends to be with him. As far as your daughter THINKING you should be at HER beck and call whenever SHE needs a babysitter---she is dead wrong there... especially since you probably watch your grandchild for FREE... My mom always told me before my son was born NEVER to ask her to babysit for me---but after he was born I could barely get him away from her... A child is NOT a possession and if you are fighting over her all the time or SHOWING your distaste for not seeing her any time YOU want.... that's going to hurt the child eventually. MAYBE you could make arrangements for a SCHEDULED day every month ONCE A MONTH where you have the child so that you can take her to a park or lunch or wherever... your daughter might appreciate that and go along with it.... You DO have a RIGHT to see your granddaughter but NOT to try to take over... so try the ARRANGED DATE for a while and see how that works... and the next time you have plans when your daughter wants you to baby sit, just tell her you have a life too..Would YOU have wanted YOUR mother coming over every day or DROPPING BY any time? Think carefully on that one...you kind of sound like the MOTHER on EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND (the tv show)... Marie Barone.....

Arther
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:28 pm Post subject:

To give grandchildren money.

napqueen
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:30 pm Post subject:

you should see your grandchild whenever you damn well please! and you should be welcomed with open arms at ALL times!i WISH my mom was still alive so i could share every moment of my daughter's life w/her! (she passed away when my daughter was in 1st grade -- she's now in 6th & has absolutely wonderul memories of her)tell your selfish, stupid daughter to wake up & get a clue. life is short; children grow up fast & grandmothers don't live forever. you can quote me!

Jana M
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:30 pm Post subject:

The next time she calls for a babysitter, tell her you cannot. Explain to her it doesn't fit into your schedule. Perhaps a visit when it's convenient for you, to drop by, and take her to the ice cream shop. Maybe she is the one that has her priorities in the wrong order. Have you told her how you feel? If not, explain how hurt you feel, and insist on a heart to heart. If she doesn't listen, drop by when ever you want. The he** with her family night and the mixing of grandparents night; you are the matriarch of her.

south sid eprincess
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:33 pm Post subject:

i believe that grand parents are there to give wise advise (due to their expererince) and to love and sometimes spoil their grand kids. You already raise your kids and i think is time for you to do the things that you want to do know that you have the time. Do not let your daughter use your time and your granddaughter to her convinience. Learn how to say NO without guilt. let her know how you feel about the situation,she either understand or will get upset.in the event that she get upset let her be,eventually she will come around.And do not worry about your grandbaby not only she will be ok, but kids always have that special love for granny it doesn't matter how many times she sees you.and when you have the opportunity to do so show her your love as much as you can my dear. hope that my opinion will help, good luck.

wondermom
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:34 pm Post subject:

It sounds like to me that you aren't being appreciated and you are being taken for granted.Sit down and talk with your daughter about how you feel. She may not agree but at least she will know how you feel.Don't let her make you feel guilty, when you can't baby sit. You are entitled to your own life too.

Honeybots
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:49 pm Post subject:

Do not despair. You are not alone in your situation. I am a grandmother too . Before my daughter sends her kids to me only at her convenient time. When she will be away to attend to a seminar or go with her husband to trips abroad. Before I was over sensitive because I seem to be begging her to lend me my grandchildren when I want them around and she even refused me. But in the long run after asking advices for my ordeal I realized that we as grandparents should have the right also to refuse them at our own time if they insist that we take care of their kids. These changed her attitude. Now that my son-in-law has been assigned abroad my daughter seems to become closer to me now as a single parent and depends and trusts only me to take charge of her kids. She finally realizes that she cannot do without me. She knows that Mothers knows best !Just wait and you will see. Time will mend everything. By the way, It took my daughter 7 years to realize my importance to her family. and life. Just pray.

Rene
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:57 pm Post subject:

You should have a family meeting. And by this, I mean have the husbands parents there also.Maybe the husband and wife feel there might be a conflict if the grandparent on both sides were at their home at the same time. Sometimes young people have imagined thoughts. Try to arrange the meeting with all sides together. The parents might find out they are not thinking in the right direction.As far as to be so selfish about you only taking the grandchild at your daughters discretion or when she feels it is necessary should be brought out at this meeting. The time she has with work and then coming home and doing everything might be making her edgy. Perhaps the husband is tired from his job and not thinking about her having to work and be a housewife too. She may be feeling that everything is piled upon her and she does not have enough time or energy to cope with it all. Make a note of all the things that bother you where the grandchildren are concerned. Talk everything out, give them time to think about it. Don't make them think they have to make a decision right away.And by all means, don't use this as a stumbling block. Stay calm when talking, listen to what they have to say. Be sure they listen to what you have to say.Do not bring anything else into the conversation except what you would like to happen where the grandchildren are concerned. Do not throw anything in their faces about other things. Those things could happen at another time. This would only result in bad or worse feelings. If they do this then calmy explain the answer to them and get back to the grandchildren.All sides might be surprised by what talking things out can do. Stay CALM, CALM, CALM.Hope this helps you. Don't let anything keep you from having a good relationship for all concerned and especially the grandchildren. Rene

tehabwa
Yahoo User

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 6:26 pm Post subject:

Have a heart-to-heart with your daughter and try to find out WHY she won't let you take her to the park, etc.Also explain that, as happy as you are to watch your granddaughter, there are times when you simply can't, and you'd appreciate it if she would accept that grasciously. Assure her that you will always watch her whenever you can.But find out what the problem is.There's no such thing as a universal role for all grandmothers, but it's certainly a big plus for a small child to have a loving person in her life, and to get to do fun things with her, as well as help take care of her.

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