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fathers and their child who does not live with them. do they treat them equally?


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MissTee
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 6:56 am Post subject: fathers and their child who does not live with them. do they treat them equally?

my son is 4 and his dad has been ordered by the courts to have him every other weekend as before that he would just come when it suited him which wasnt that often. he has never paid maintence. he used to give me £10 wk and moan at me if i asked for anything. he has never bought him a gift at christmas or birthday as far as i am aware anyway. my son at 4 understands christmas more and asked which present is from his dad under the tree i told him none. his dads girlfriends b-day is also the 25th and he never sees his son christmas day i have let him go there one christmas and he had no presents to open and was left at the aunts whilst he lay in bed at home with his girl is it me or is this man a complete waste with no morals towards his son. i mean he took him to a party with him other wkend my son was up late and came back talking like he was some little london jamacian man. ( his dad is black londoner from jamaica) anyway my son came back being rude and saying im a bad man i go partyi dont want my son to turn out like his father i personally want to cut him out our lifes completely he is violent aggressive teaches our son how to be a fool not a boy or a real man. he doesnt support him and had to be forced to see him every other wk end. how do i go about stopping contact and how do i know if i have made the right choice

bugaboo
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 6:59 am Post subject:

Sounds like a right @sshole.

mick w
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 7:03 am Post subject:

id say to stop contact with him until he gets his head from the clouds and realises he as a son the party wud of been the final nail i know its hard for your son but im sure when he gets older he will understand anyway

pinky
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 7:03 am Post subject:

Perhaps you need to go back to court. This fool should be made to support his son and there should be some guidelines as to what activities are allowed when he has him. Surely this can be addressed in the court system. Bless your heart and that of your son.

killerbee492001
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 7:07 am Post subject:

You need to go see a lawyer, and have these occurances documented and go back to court to sue for full custody with no father visitation, and if these instences are true and you can have some one attest to these you may likely win....hopefully you are able to I would hate to see your son, have to grow up with a father like that....Good Luck, and I hope all the best for you and your son....

Lis-Lou
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 7:07 am Post subject:

I think he is an utter waste of space.. I wouldn't give him the time of day! But if you have already gone through the courts then i don't know what to suggest. You need to seek legal advice if you want him out of his life completley. Which by the sounds of it is the best thing to do.. x Good Luck x

Tony
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 7:09 am Post subject:

You have to try and talk to your son's Dad and find out what his problem is, and the sooner the better. If you get no joy from this, write him a letter telling him that you are going back to Court to get a new arrangement that protects your son from a disruptive life. It sounds like your 'ex' has his own problems, but he shouldn't be dumping on your son. When your son is older, he will choose whether or not to find his Dad. I should know, I've been through the same problems with my son's Mum. He's now nearly 15, but the three of us are talking better than we have for a long time. You just have to be patient...

croxx
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 7:10 am Post subject:

That person sounds a complete xxxxer - I think you are better off without the piece of sxxt around your son.He has no idea of responsibility - £10 a week!!! What a joke!Good luck ;-)My daughter (who lives with her mum in Poland) get cards, presents, phone calls, visits - I've paid for her to come over for Christmas with her mum this year... And of course a mutually agreed amount of maintenance which I pay a year ahead...I only have contempt for your sons biological father as that is all he is! As he does not act like a father!

Em
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 7:15 am Post subject:

I can't say any things other than what has been mentioned about the legal position, but I do want to mention how important it is for your son to have a role model - do you have any brothers or male friends that could take on this position? Boys particularly need someone to look up to - he knows he is male and naturally is drawn to men to copy.The other thing I wanted to say is please try not to let your anger spill onto your sons feelings, it may be better to buy something small and say its for him for Christmas from his father so that he feels loved than to let him feel abandoned. He will know and make up his own mind as he gets older.A book I would recommend (from the library) is Raising Boys by Steve Biddolph .Good luck, be strong for your son, with your strength he needn't turn out like his dad.

dlcm1979
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 7:47 am Post subject:

then take him back to court. Start logging all these little episodes that prove he isn't a good parent now, so that you won't have to think so hard in the future about everything crappy the ahole has done. Don't say anything negative about the boys dad to the boy. Let him make that decision for himself. He will respect you more for it. I am not saying make excuses for his fathers behavior either. You should take him back to court and get your son away from him all together. Hopefully you have brothers or a dad or uncles or male friends that are good people that your son can try to model himself after. Good Luck.

munki
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 8:05 am Post subject:

Speak to a solicitor about supervised visits?With maybe someone neutral supervising. Just try and be the 'good' influence on him,your child may resent you when he's older if you stop him seeing his Father.I have a 16 year old daughter & her Father is a total waste of space,he neglects her,treats her like dirt and growing up always showed preference to his other child (the new one he had with his new girlfriend),he made promises he never kept,his girlfriend came before her infact everybody came before her,he doesn't include her in any family events and is basically a part time Dad...but I left him to it,never criticised him (I don't believe in that after all he is her Father) and tried to be a good Mum and left her to make up her own mind about him-and do you know what-now she can't spare the time of day for him,she can't be bothered-her attitude is that he is scum and she has better things to do with her time than waste it on him-even though he now wants to see her because his relationship is falling apart & he wants sympathy! My Daughter has pretty much concluded that she doesn't want him in her life-and it's all his own doing,she reached that decision all by herself.Now she's happily enjoying life with Us (my partner & me),her friends,her boyfriend,college and people who she respects...and her Dad-well he's miserable as hell and whining that he wants to see her but she never wants to visit...I wonder why!

Geo
Yahoo User

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 9:38 am Post subject:

Hey, that's not fair on the kid. He need a dad, even if the one he has is a d!ckhead. I wish I could see my little boy but his mum is a total clown. When he was born, it was me who done everything for him, like changed him, made his bottles, getting up through the night when he woke and anything else that comes into it, now I don't even get to see him. It's not fair that a mother has all the rights to the kids just because we weren't married. I miss my son so much that it hurt me even typing this. I'm scared that he will grow up and not even know me.But in your situation, the guy is an @rse. I don't think you can stop your ex seeing your son. I sympathise with your situation, it must be a pain in the @ss.

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