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RedQueen Ty's Mom VT
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:21 am Post subject: A holiday dilemma -- How would you handle this? |
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| My family usually goes to my mother's on Christmas Eve, for visiting and gift exchange. She then comes to my house on Christmas Day. We aren't having a big dinner this year because I hosted Thanksgiving. I also have severe rheumatoid arthritis and am taking chemotherepy to control it, so I don't feel like going to any fuss. I prefer to keep things low-key.This hasn't sat well with my mother, but I finally got her to accept the fact that, physically, I am just not up to it.Now for the dilemma. She is sick with something that is causing a cough, fever, aches, and chills. The flu? The chemo I take, along with my other meds, weakens my immune system in an attempt to keep my disease under control. This leaves me very susceptible to catching colds and other illnesses. In turn, being sick makes my arthritis worse,so I suffer.I want to delay any celebrations until mom feels better. For her sake, as well as mine. I don't want to risk getting sick. She won't hear of it.Your advice?Thanks for all of the excellent advice. I think I was mainly concerned with whether I was being selfish concerning my own needs.Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.(((((((Pangel)))))))(((((((Everyone)))))))Amanda...methotrexate is what I am taking, and it's a powerful, nasty drug. The side effects alone are bad enough, but when coupled with another illness it becomes unbearable. You've had experience with this, so you understand exactly what I am saying. |
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Endora (IJMNA)
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:25 am Post subject: |
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| have a messenger or phone christmas--we're all snowed in this year and that's what we're doing |
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Satan Lord of Flames
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:26 am Post subject: |
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| The best thing that you could do is be forthcoming and honest with her as soon as possible. Make sure that she understands that you're not well and all you need to do is hold off until she's healthy. She doesn't want to see you get sick or suffer any more than you are so she should be reasonable about it.I will ring your doorbell and run away!!! |
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sisterzeal
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:27 am Post subject: |
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| I'm sorry for you that is a HARD situation. Now see situations like this is where I feel Christmas becomes idolatry (from a Christian perspective) .......but all that means is someone is not feeling loved and has to sacrifice themselves for another to keep the "Christmas God" happy. This is not a good thing. You will probably have to insist the holiday is postponed. People do it all the time. One Christmas my family was quarantined because my daughter had "whooping cough" not pleasant but we got through it. |
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Peasoup
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:29 am Post subject: |
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| Wow, she is really attached to her idea of Christmas. I'm sympathetic to that, but I don't think that should take precedence over your health (and the rest of your family's!).I would advise standing your ground and insisting on postponing the celebration. Then, when you do get together, hopefully she'll see that it wasn't the end of the world.My husband's family goes all different ways on Christmas, and then we get together later on to celebrate together. It's quite nice, actually. |
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Vicarious Cynic ((Hug Bri
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:29 am Post subject: |
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| I think you said it perfectly. Sometimes the right idea comes to our heads, and a hearts have to struggle with it a bit. Stay well, blessings. |
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Rosebudd
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:31 am Post subject: |
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| Tell her that you already are sick and therefore are unable to fully participate in the celebrations. extend your sincere regrets and let her know how much you would have liked to spend this particular day together and how much you are looking forward to spending a day of celebration with her; just not until you (she) feels better. stand your ground, she is a grown woman and should be able to put your needs before her desires. Merry Christmas. |
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Pangel ((((((HUGS))))))
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:33 am Post subject: |
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| darling ... it really doesnt matter what she wants right now ...sorry I know it is your mumbut your health comes firstwhen my dad was having chemobetween the kids and I , we were sick on and off for about a monthand as much as i missed my dad , especially with him being so illhis health came firstwe ALL kept away until the virus had run its courseyou come first.... your mum will just have to accept thatshe is making me ggrrr right now sorry(((((Red Queen))))))) |
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john d
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:34 am Post subject: |
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| Simple answer: Don't celebrate Christmas, its a sham holiday based on a sham religion. Is your mom one of these religious nut-jobs who hate science? Tell her that you have a disease and that if you go near her you will get sick. If she doesn't understand basic pathology I'm afraid I can't help you. |
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amanda c
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:35 am Post subject: |
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| wow that is a tough one. i would say that you really need to be firm on this one. your health is most important and even if she feels slighted at first, you are her daughter and she will get over it. my mother was on methotrexate for her arthritis(probably spelled wrong) and she ended up in the hospital a couple of times from simple things like catching someones cold. your health is far more important than any holiday. i really hope you have a nice holiday despite all of this. merry christmas. |
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Poppy Pickette AM - VT
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:39 am Post subject: |
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| You are not selfish for thinking about your health. I'm sorry if I'll come off sounding harsh, but your Mom is the one who's acting selfishly right now. Please, please, please take care of yourself. Try to explain to her that having her around your house just isn't a good idea at the moment. If she doesn't accept it, then you have to tell her the hard way.((((Red Queen))))Hope you feel better soon. Merry Christmas.Oh, if I had your Mom's e-mail addy I'd send her the link to this question!. |
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!Y?
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 11:17 am Post subject: |
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| ...avoid contamination of your vulnerable being, wait till YOUare stronger. |
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