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longhats
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 8:31 pm Post subject: When to give a wedding gift in this situation - from the parents.? |
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| We have two sons. (30s)... our 2nd son is in the military - came home from Iraq and engaged and married within 6 weeks time. No time for reception but planned on 'renewal of vows' and 'reception/party" when he got back from Iraq around their 1st anniversary... so we held back gifts to see what this reception would be like. Now we find out - he has been pushed back and won't be back until after their 1st anniversary. It's kind of anti-climatic at this point. We just don't know how much money to send them - as there really wasn't an expense of a wedding. They did have a wedding and 'dinner/reception' with just immediate family (10 people) which her parents and us came to a happy decision with paying bills. But we still wanted to give a gift. They both have really good jobs and make more $$ than we do. Any suggestions on amounts to give?Our 1st son will be getting married to someone who's been married before (mid-30s) - what should we be doing $$ wise?? Appreciate ideas.I made albums for both boys when they turned 30. They have all pictures. They both own houses. My oldest one has been living with her for 3 years and it will be her 2nd marriage. The first one bought his own home. Neither are hurting for $$ but it's always nice. From the people I've talked to that recently gave weddings, it was running about $15,000 for each family (parents). Although we could do that - our boys aren't exactly 'starting out', in their 20s - they are both well-established....I don't believe my 1st one will end up with a church wedding and I have a feeling it will be simple. I just don't know what amount of $$ is appropriate. I don't believe I should give my son's fiance a shower - I don't think as she has been married. When they moved in, they moved in with 2 houses full of stuff. Just a tough place to be.....From what I've read.. it does make a difference if the bride has been married before. |
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NAN G
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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| There is no set amount to be spent. Spend what you can comfortably afford and give from the heart. They will understand. |
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jgf5822
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 8:39 pm Post subject: |
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| wow. ok, even if it's anit-climatic, it's still his wedding, so i don't think that should play too much of a role in it.what about offering them a savings bond as a start to a mortgage for when they come back? it could possibly be an appropriate gift for the other son as well.those make great baby gifts too (!!!!!) for future college funds:) |
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skyblacker
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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| If money isn't an issue for your 2nd son, why send him a check? Instead, give your son something that's easy to transport and has a lot of sentimental value. If he's off in Iraq, he must miss everyone back home terribly! So why not put together a scrapbook of old family photos and memorabilia? Perhaps his new wife could add pictures of them as a couple, too. He'll love browsing through it while he's off in a foreign land, and she'll enjoy showing it to their future children.If you can't give him the original family photos, scan them and print copies. Or scan them, add photos that were digital to begin with, and print the entire photo album through Shutterfly. Their photo books are less expensive than traditional plastic-pocket albums, but they look professionally printed.Your 1st son, on the other hand, might appreciate savings bonds. Or, if he has pressing financial needs, a check that can be deposited today. |
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theologygirl
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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| As long as it is your first son's first marriage, I don't think how many times the bride has been married should really enter into it. You're celebrating his entry into married life with someone he loves. She may not want to do the big wedding thing now, anyway. If they have already made a home together, though, that would definitely influence what kind of shower I threw.I agree that you should give what you are comfortable with. Don't feel too much pressure no whether or not it is anyone's first or second wedding. There is nothing that requires you to give an obscene amount of money or to match the Joneses. |
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OZZIEGAL
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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| there is not set amount and if they are so well off already then i am sure they won't be looking to you with their hands out! instead of giving them cash would you consider giving them a G.I.C. or a bond, or some other investment that would grow over the years? they could then put that away for something special, whether it be a trip for themselves later on, or if a baby comes along it could furnish the nursery, or??? or add a garage to their house! whatever they needed. you could make it for one thousand, or five thousand or whatever figure you choose and by the time they cash it in it will have grown some! its difficult to know what to do with kids now, they seem to have almost everything before they are even married. but aren't we blessed that they have all that and we don't have to worry for their future?i don't think it matters if the bride has been married before except to those who paid for her first wedding. its your son, and its his first marriage so whatever you choose to do is right. |
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Allen J
Yahoo User
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cindra
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 10:16 am Post subject: |
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| I think it would have been best for you to give your gift right at the celebration after their wedding. But, I also can see your holding off too. At this point, you might as well just wait until they do have the renewal whenever that may be. It may feel anticlimatic to you, but it won't be for them. In terms of your other son getting married, chances are they will be paying for their own wedding. Give whatever is in your heart to give. There are no rules. |
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