Is she a bridezilla, or am I an insensitive Maid of Honor?
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Kaitlinツ
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 3:28 pm Post subject: |
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| You're nuts to let her walk all over you. Don't pay for anything unless you get the money in advance. If she has a hissy fit, quit. Then she'll be left friendless, and maid of honor-less. There's no excuse to be a B!tch, especially during a time that should be joyous. |
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Elsie
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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| RE: going over budget and spending too much on the wedding, keep out of it. If she wants to go thousands of dollars in debt, then that's her business. RE: everything you've done so far, you're a great friend, and a great maid of honor, especially since you live so far away. When I asked my best friend, who lived about 6 hours away) to be my MOH, her first response was "don't expect a shower". She was great in all other ways, and I'm not a shower/party kind of person either, but I still thought it was a bit crappy.RE: the bachelorette party, personal shower, etc, you shouldn't have to shoulder the full financial responsibility, so talk to the other bridesmaids and ask if they can pay for this part, or split it. If they can't, then ask them what they think is reasonable, and then talk to the bride. Let her know that you talked to the other girls, and this is what you (meaning all of the attendants) would like to do for her. If you're paying for it, they you should get to decide what you do for her. I stood up in a wedding where the bride wanted to do dinner and clubbing after. We all paid for our own dinners, but chipped in to pay for her's, then we all paid for our own drinks at the club, but took turns buying for the bride.If she starts crying and whining about how this is her big day, and you're ruining it, THEN YES, she is a bridezilla. If she takes a step back and says, whoa, I'm sorry, I'm spending a lot on the wedding; I didn't even think about what this was going to cost you guys", then she's the best friend you've always known and loved. RE: the invitations, unless you remind her, she's probably not going to remember to pay you back...she probably has a million things on her mind, so offer a gentle reminder. Maybe say something like "I need to buy my plane ticket to the wedding, so is there any way you could get the money for the invitations to me by X date?" If she still doesn't get them to you, considering offering them as your wedding gift. I don't know what the cost of the invitations were, compared to what you budgeted for her wedding gift, but if she hasn't sent you a check by a month before the wedding, offer them as your wedding gift. Call her and say you've been giving it some thought, and you'd like to offer the invitations as your wedding gift, so you don't want her to give you any money for them.I hope it works out. I would hate to see you lose your best friend over this. |
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Banana
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 3:45 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't think being a bride has anything to do with it. Sounds like she's got some MAJOR character flaws in general! I'm sorry, but I would tell her to shove it!Now that she's this far along in the planning and you're in the wedding, I would just tell her that you can longer pay for the hotel and therefore will not be able to participate. Trust me, Bridezilla will foot the bill! Ha ha! She'll need to downscale to (only $8,000) for the photographer! Biatch! |
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valschmal
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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| No you're not nuts. It sounds like she is thinking that since she is spending a lot, everyone else should too.As far as you being shocked about how much she is spending on the wedding, you are entitled to your opinion, but the spending is not what makes someone a bridezilla. If I were you, I would get all the other b'maids together and tell them that you are just about tapped out on funds. You'd like to do a bach. party for her, but you cannot swing the kind she wants. See if they would be willing to go in with you for something you can all afford to do. It is selfish and rude of her to tell you what kind of party to throw for her. Just do what you can.As far as a wedding gift, a lot of b'maids have to consider the money they are spending being in the wedding as their gift. They just don't have the extra to give. And that's okay. |
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OZZIEGAL
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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| i'm sorry i don't buy this 'i'm the bride and you do what i want' b.s. perhaps its time for bridesmaids and maid of honor to sit the princess bride down and give her a reality check. being the bride doesn't give anyone the right to drain their friends financially, emotionally, and wear them out physically! it doesn't give her the right to abuse friendship and to renege on promises to pay for things. you have gone over and above the duties and the expense of a maid of honor, and i would strongly suggest you have done enough. i can see your arranging for all the girls getting together and doing a spa day OR dinner and clubbing OR a lingerie shower, but not all of them and certainly not at your expense. if it were up to me, i would get the girls together for the dinner and everyone pay their dinner, split the cost of the bride's dinner and then everyone, [except the bride], buy one round of drinks and after that each pay their own tab. [including the bride]! if she wants a spa day, then she pays her way~if she wants a lingerie shower then someone should have it for her~you've already done one. and it wouldn't be amiss for someone to suggest that really she should be paying for the spa day for her wedding party as a thank you gift. good luck with it all! its brides like this demanding little wench that give all brides a bad name!as for her spending so much on the wedding itself, stay out of it, thats up to her, her groom and their parents! don't get involved! nine grand for a photographer is insane! |
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curious gal
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 5:08 pm Post subject: |
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| She sounds like a bridezilla and you're her kick toy. She's taken absolute advantage of you and your friendship. A similar situation happened to a friend of mine and let's just say, if I ever met the bride, I'd give her a hard kick in the behind. If you've had enough, you should consider talking with her about her behavior. The fact is you cannot keep up with her lack of concern for money. If she cannot accept your reasons, then consider bowing out of the wedding. But be ready for her to dump you as a friend. |
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Kate
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Oh my. She's out of her gord! What is she thinking? Is she typically this selfish? Talk to her and let her know that you cannot continue to support her needs financially. Let her know that you are there to help in whatever way you can, but you cannot continue to fork over dollar after dollar. Be upfront and honest with her and if she's truly a friend, she'll understand. Best of luck! |
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Celebrations by Christina
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 8:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Oh my goodness, you have a bridezilla on your hands! Unfortunately this is something a lot of brides do. And $9000 for a photographer is outrageous!! Photography is not cheap, but that is way above the average cost! As maid of honor, you have taken care of your duties, plus some. You have definitely gone above and beyond, especially in paying for the invitations! As far as the bachelorette party goes, that is a bit much. And besides that, it isn't up to her to plan it! She needs to be grateful for anything you do! It sounds like she is a bridal diva. You are not being insensitive at all. You have to draw the line somewhere! |
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jgf5822
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 8:33 pm Post subject: |
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| you are NOT nuts. man, you have a lot more patience than i am.i just hope this wedding doesn't come between you guys:( |
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Vero
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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| I think she is taking advantage of you. I belive that you as maid of honor plan the bachelorette party, not her. Talk to the other bridesmaids and see what is in their budget. Chances are they will agree with you and you can pick a couple of things, such as the lingerie and a nice dinner. Then tell her the day is a surprise and if she gets all pouty about it once you do tell her what you're doing, then oh well. She cannot get everything she wants, period. I feel sorry for her future hubby since he will have to endure her spoiled "me, me, me" attitude. As for her wedding present, just give her a gift card for about $25 to a store that she registered at. You've done way more than expected to already, give your pocketbook a break. |
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sden2616
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 2:21 am Post subject: |
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| she is a crazy bridezilla. Yeah this is her day, but all these demands and wanting all this stuff. (custom cake for shower, flower arrangements) I would have been happy with some snacks at someones house. Also, I think that a spa dat, lingerie shower, dinner and clubbing is too much. Are you all rich. Have you discussed this with the bridesmaids? Tell her she is going to have to pick one only b/c it is getting to be more than you can afford and you don't want to go into credit card debt b/c of her wedding. |
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Mrs. A
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:23 pm Post subject: |
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| She sounds like a royal b**** who expects everything to be handed to her on a silver platter. You better set her straight. I'd refuse to do the bachelorette party - you've already done WAY too much! |
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Nora
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:27 am Post subject: |
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| she is really outrageous. tell her you bow out |
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