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Is this the same as asking for money?


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RowerGirl
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:14 am Post subject: Is this the same as asking for money?

My bf and I aren't going to do a gift registry. We're in our late 20s - he moved out of his parents' home right after high school and I moved out 5 or 6 years ago. We now live together and own everything we need. We both make good money and have no money problems. I don't want to ask for cash (even "through the grapevine"), nor do I want to do a honeymoon registry (we have no problem paying for our honeymoon ourselves). I thought that if people ask our families where we're registered, we might have them suggest the guests make a donation in our names to our favourite charity. We do a lot of work in the community and this is important to us. My friend said it was as good as asking for cash since we're the ones who will get the tax receipt. I hadn't looked at it that way before. Does anyone else agree? If asking for charitable donations is a bad idea, can you suggest something else? We really don't want to do a gift registry.Thank you!Like I said, it would be "through the grapevine" and NOT on the invitations.My question is really if asking them to donate in OUR name is a bad idea. Should we just ask them to donate period? That was our original plan, but then it was suggested we ask them to donate in our name because then the receipt goes to us. I just don't know if that's a bad idea.

L♥G
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:21 am Post subject:

The only way you can encourage donations to the charity is through word of mouth. Even though it is assumed that guests will give wedding gifts, you can't ask for them -- in any form -- outright, and so putting a specific request on invitations would be inappropriate and even presumptuous. The best thing for you to do is to communicate your wishes with close friends and family, and have them spread the word. Also, if people ask where you are registered, you and your friends and family should then feel comfortable in telling them about your donation wishes.

Tiana
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:21 am Post subject:

No it isn't! That is a wonderful idea! Plus, you'll be helping out some people too.I'm doing a simmilar thing. People can either buy us a gift off of our registry OR donate to the Make A Wish Foundation(our favorite chairity).Don't listen to your friend. That's a good idea! But be prepared: some people may bring gifts, it's just what some people do!EDIT: Donating in your name? Now that is a little strange....maybe you could talk with the charity and tell them that you are getting married and would like people to donate to them using their names but maybe when they donate they can say they are donating for Mr. and Mrs. Smith's wedding. That would be fine.

mynxr
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:22 am Post subject:

I think that's a great idea! Just because the donation will be made in celebration of your wedding, doesn't mean you will get the tax deduction. The guests that donate the money will be the one's getting the tax deduction. We had some friends that did that and we donated to all three of the charities they listed. It was a really neat idea and went over really well. You only get the tax deduction if you donate the money yourselves. I would go for it!

Brett J
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:23 am Post subject:

I have a good friend who requested that instead of gifts a donation was made to the church to help fund a new addition. They raised over $20k for the church and I never heard a single complaint. I truly believe that you should be able to ask for whatever you want for your wedding. Why make people buy $100 candlesticks if you have no use for them!!!

*Getting Married 6-15-08*
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:33 am Post subject:

Thats a very unselfish asking and I think you should!I was going to do that too through donating to ASPCA (helps animals and we both love animals)I would say do it through the grapevine!! Congrats!

Lyra
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:41 am Post subject:

I don't think it's the same at all. I think anyone who is happy to donate their wedding gifts to charity is incredible. Asking people to donate what they would have spent on a gift for you is truly selfless, I'm not sure I could do it. In an ideal world, we would ask for money, because we're in awful money trouble, and like you, we're already renting a place, but we can't afford to buy a home. Our wedding money would go towards our deposit, but it's 'too rude' to ask. So now I'm wondering what we will ask for instead...

iloveweddings
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:43 am Post subject:

Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!You are to be commended, in my opinion, for your idea. I think you have a GREAT IDEA! There are so many needy organizations.No, I do not agree with your friend in so much as she said it was the same as asking for cash. But I guess I do agree about the tax receipt problem. (I would not have thought about that [tax receipt] if you had not mentioned it).SO....the way around that is to do this: By word of mouth, suggest a donation to a charity of the guests choosing. Good luck and I hope you have a beautiful wedding day!

nova_queen_28
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:44 am Post subject:

I think this is a lovely idea, and if I were your guest I would be thrilled at the idea (assuming your favorite charity were OK in my book), but your friend is not correct about who gets the tax benefits.You won't get the tax receipt!You will receive a Thank You from the group for the donation in your name, but the person writing the check gets the tax receipt and - if they itemize - will be eligible for a charitible deduction on THEIR taxes.

Q-mama
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:49 am Post subject:

Charitable donations sound like a great idea. Even if the donation is made in your honor, the deduction still belongs to the person who gave the money. Not to you. It's not your money, just your honor. So don't sweat that.I would put an insert in the invitation, not on the invite itself, that says something like "your presence at our special day is gift enough, but if you would like please consider making a donation to _______." if the guest puts your name and address in their donation, then you will get a card from the charity indicating a donation was made in your honor and the guest gets the receipt. Congratulations

OZZIEGAL
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:58 am Post subject:

i think if you do ask your guests to make donations in honor of your wedding then my gosh you will make 'bride of the year!'in this case i would put it right in the wedding invitation! its something to be proud of, you are not asking for money for yourself so don't worry about that.personally i wouldn't care what charity you chose, as long as it was benefiting someone somewhere. but, be prepared for folks who choose a different charity than you suggest, some may want to do cancer, or heart and stroke, or a food bank, or whatever~as long as its charitable its all good!i can not think of a more selfless thing to do and i can not believe that you are so willing to do it. believe you me, your guests will be most impressed and the charities will be more than grateful.when receiving a donation the charity asks if it is in honor of anyone and they will then send a card out to that person, telling them a donation has been made - they never divulge the amount of the donation. its a win-win situation, the charity benefits and the wedding guests get a tax receipt! as for your win? karma! good on you girl!i hope you and your mister get hundreds of cards from charities telling you a donation was made in honor of your marriage! wow! i am beyond impressed. wishing you the very best life has to offer! happy wedding!

HelenaHandbaskt
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:43 pm Post subject:

You are clearly very thoughtful and well-meaning. I wish you much happiness.The bottom line is that people will give you gifts, whether you want them to or not, and it is not really polite to tell people what to do with their money. If you or your family are questioned about your preferences, you certainly may suggest that a donation be made. No, I don't think that's the same as asking for cash, and I am the most persnickety etiquette fiend you're likely to meet. ;)But you are perfectly correct that it is not polite at all to request monetary gifts, even indirectly. Not registering is fine. And I'm sure that I don't need to tell you that you need to gratefully accept and acknowledge in writing the gifts that you will inevitably receive - even when they are charitable donations.Happy planning.

frankb1124
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 1:05 pm Post subject:

90% of people will give you money for your wedding no matter what gyrations you go through. So, when you receive the money thank those who gave and in your thank you note you could say; "The gift was really appreciated, it allowed us to help some causes that are near to our heart"

valschmal
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 7:53 pm Post subject:

I agree that it might look that way if you two get the tax write off. You might suggest that they do it just to the charity in their names.

Squirrlee-1
Yahoo User

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 9:00 pm Post subject:

Wonderful idea....no matter what you do someone will have a comment about it....Congrats

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