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RowerGirl
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:19 pm Post subject: Is this okay?

We've decided not to do a registry for our wedding. Instead, we would prefer donations made to charity. Initially we thought we'd just let people know through word of mouth. But, we've had a few people tell us that this sort of thing is okay to include in an invite.If we do this, we'd want to include a little card in the invite. Any advice on this (including "no, don't do it") would be appreciated. The wording would be something like this:"Your presense at our wedding is the only gift we want. If you do want to give something, please consider a donation to the Heart and Stroke Foundation."Is this okay?Also, how will we know if they've made a donation so we can send a thank you card? I know some people will give us a card and probably say so in the card, but others won't. I want to thank people appropriately for their generous gift.Thank you!If this is okay, should we even say the name of the charity we prefer? (Heart and Stroke.) Or, should we just say to make a donation to a charity of their choosing? This also goes to the "word of mouth" option, and not just the little card in the invite.

Challenge
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:23 pm Post subject:

I think it is a great idea, but you will need to connect with the folks at the charity to determine who has sent in a donation. Otherwise, there will be no way for you to know, unless they tell you.

nova_queen_28
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject:

"Your presence at our wedding is all we truly desire. In lieu of gifts, a donation to the Heart and Stroke foundation would be appreciated."Then include the name/address for the donations.Usually, the charity will send you a note/letter stating that Mr. Jones has made a donation in your honor.

MilkThistleGenus
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject:

The decision to register or not is always tricky, and there are even more etiquette rules about how to tell your guests your decision.In general, it's more widely accepted to not make any mention of gifts or registries in the invitation. Guests usually ask family members and friends who will tell them your decision and you'll get asked a lot directly as well. I know you'll be answering the same question a lot, but you don't want to give the wrong idea by specifically mailing out gift instructions to your guests, however charitable your decision is.Alternatively, if you have or will have a web site set up for the wedding (directions, information, RSVP, guestbook, etc.), you can always have a little blurb in the appropriate section.Otherwise, I would advise allowing the guests to make all first moves and decisions when it comes to gifts, and just be patient when you are asked. Great idea, by the way! I think registries can become pretty ridiculous sometimes.

Jess
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:27 pm Post subject:

If they make the donation in your name you will get the receipt back from the charity (people often use them for tax purposes).If they don't make it in your name you probably won't know unless they mention it to you.

Kaitlinツ
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:34 pm Post subject:

It's a wonderful idea! One couple I know did the same, and included on the invitation "The only thing required is your prescence, but if you so wish, a donation made to ____ in lieu of gifts would be appreciated."

pspoptart
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:37 pm Post subject:

It depends on how big your wedding is but if you call the Charity ahead of time to let them know there is somebody who will keep an eye on the donations made for Jand and Joe. They will usually send you a letter that includes a final total but they don't keep track of how much Aunt Sue gave and it may not come for several weeks after the wedding day. You might also consider having guests bring the money directly to the reception and have a representative there from the foundation to collect the money. Then they can keep track of who gave what and guests get the satisfaction of announcing a grand total at the end of the evening. Even though it's a sweet gesture you should still not put this information in the inviations. Even though it's a charitable direction you are still implying that a gift was going to be given in the first place. Instead, like every other gift prefrence this should be spread through word of mouth and if you have a wedding website, you can put a paragraph on there about it...usually with the contact info. People will ask you 90% of the time so don't worry too much that they won't know. If people do bring you boxed gifts accept them graciously and if you really hate reciving something you can always take it to a women's shelter or something similar depending on the item. There are people out there who will insist on giving something to YOU and not a faceless charity. In terms of the Thank You cards, EVERYBODY should get one that thanks them for coming to the event. As part of the note you can just send a general Thanks for all the help given to the foundation or something.

Ninja
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:45 pm Post subject:

Everything I've read about gift/no gifts or any such thing states what pspopt... said. It implies that you were expecting a gift in the first place, which is considered "rude" by ancient old wedding standards. I think you can get the word out without putting it on the invite.

Bettee62
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:50 pm Post subject:

i THINK IT IS A GREAT IDEA. YOU MIGHT ADD TO YOUR NOTE CARD: PLEASE SEND AN ACKNOWLEDGMENT TO MR & MRS___YOU COULD INCLUDE A STAMPED ENVELOPE. BEST WISHES

margaretlfd
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:55 pm Post subject:

I think this is very sweet of you. I think sending the card is OK. Word of mouth is not as effective. For example we went to a wedding that was supposed to be black and white attire by word of mouth. We found out about it at the wedding!!! The card lets the guest know exactly what they are supposed to do. Before you send the card, call the foundation to see if you can set an account with them, and include that number in the card. The foundation should be able to give you an itemized list of the donations so you can send thank you cards after the wedding. You seem to be an amazing couple, the best wishes for the two of you!!!

Linda
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 9:06 pm Post subject:

I would tell them the charity of their choice. I think that is winderful for you guys to do that.

apbanpos
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 9:21 pm Post subject:

Normally I think it is very tacky to mention gifts in an invitation - but in this case I think it is fine.And may I suggest this for the wording regardless of how you do it:*Your presences is our greatest gift. We would like to suggest that our guests help us support the Heart and Stroke Foundation in lieu of a gift to us.*Consider including a card in the invitation with your wishes instead of on the invitation itself though.And perhaps this card can be included in the donation as a way to help the Charity to keep track. You'll have to work withe the Charity itself to coordinate. You don't want to end up causing them more trouble.OR you could have a special wishing well set up at your reception. That would make it easy for everyone.Good Luck.

MelB
Yahoo User

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 9:43 pm Post subject:

I think it's really nice of you to want to give instead of receive on your wedding day, but etiquette wise, no mention of gifts should go on an invitation (even if it's to say no gifts). Just let your family and wedding party know your preference and have them spread the word for you.

mynxr
Yahoo User

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 12:42 am Post subject:

I think the card in the invitation or word of mouth or both is fine. You will get a card from the charity acknowledging that a donation was made in honor of your wedding. Then you can write your thank you notes from those.

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