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Please I need advice on married man leaves and comes back again and again?

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Author Message Elaine H Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:27 am    Post subject: Please I need advice on married man leaves and comes back again and again? In a nutshell. I fell in loved with a married man. He said he was leaving his wife. He left his wife last summer and was with me 3 months.He told me I was the love of his life. Treated me like a princess and all was amazing. He dumped me in August 2007 to go back and fix things with his wife. He kept me in his life because he coult not get me out of his head or heart he claimed. I stuck around until December 2007 and had bought an expensive trip to Vegas for New years as he said he was leaving again and left me right before Christmas. Showed up in January for a few days and left again for a week. We have still seen each other since January of this year. He bought a $2500 diamond ring for Valentines day and asked if I would marry him someday. He has spent so much time with me and I literally have hundreds of emails and voicemails from him stating his love for me and he wants me forever. He was out of the house and about to get a place for us and left again.2 hours ago - 1 week left to answer. Additional Details1 hour agoI guess I should have added its not the money..He actually leaves home and promises so much..Oh the promises..He has told everybody at work his marriage is over and was getting a divorce and that I made him happy..It sounds sad but we really do have wonderful times and are so happy.His wife has emailed me before telling me he is confused and does not know what he wants and he needs time to make a decision. We were together last week in his temp place and she must have come over and knocked on the door and he was afraid to answer..Well 4 days later he left me again.She emailed a few days ago and says he tells me you were a fatal attraction and wont levae him alone. And then emailed a day later and sais she woudl like to meet and talk with me..I never have been anything but loving and put up with all lies and crap..Never have I ever been a fatal attraction or bothered him..He asked me to be his wife..I have his credit card receipt for the ring he bought.He lies to me!!1 hour agoI have emails and voicemails from a year ago promising the moon and stars..Why would he continually come back with these grand schemes and plots..He was about to get a house for us..We just came back from a trip..In Christmas he claimed he tried to hurt himself because of what he did to me..In January he claimed if I did not call him he would leave town never to return..I have invested 1 1/2 years in this sick situation..He was married 23 years..No comparison I understand..But he claims I am the love of his life..He goes to such extremes..Is it mental illness? Is it a pathological liar? Is it a sick sadistic *ss that enjoys this game and when he feels he has lost control he comes back to lure me in again?I am an emotional mess from this and need a way out.1 hour agoIts not about the money and gifts..I told him I would return them all...I love this man with all my heart and dont know how to let go..I do have low self esteem from my childhood I guess and that is not an excuse...Also his kids are grown and out..He is 54 and I am 38..I am very attractive and not fat unlike a poster assumed I was to be doing this..1 hour agoI will add that he does this where he leaves and disappears for a month or a few weeks and then has a reason to contact..I have tried to convince myself he would never have the guts to talk to or look me in the eye again especially after Christmas screwing me over for thousands of dollars on a trip he said he was going to be going with me on and didnt last minute..This last one was a biggie as I think he got busted and when home..I am so furious with myself..I sit here hurting and he attempts no contact to see if I am even OK..I dont see how he would have the balls to even contact me again..But people seem to think he will1 hour agoI will add that he does this where he leaves and disappears for a month or a few weeks and then has a reason to contact..I have tried to convince myself he would never have the guts to talk to or look me in the eye again especially after Christmas screwing me over for thousands of dollars on a trip he said he was going to be going with me on and didnt last minute..This last one was a biggie as I think he got busted and when home..I am so furious with myself..I sit here hurting and he attempts no contact to see if I am even OK..I dont see how he would have the balls to even contact me again..But people seem to think he will Back to top justagirl Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:32 am    Post subject: We told you what to do this morning. Sorry you didn't hear what you wanted to hear. Back to top jemmamomma Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:32 am    Post subject: I don't even need to read all 1000 words of this--if a married man keeps coming back--you keep denying him. He is only using you, as well as his wife. Change your phone number, change the locks, go out and meet new people--LET IT GO. Back to top snickerdoodle Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:34 am    Post subject: leave him alone. he has the best of both worlds.a girlfriend and a wife.you keep taking him back.stop wasting your time. there is probably someone very special out there for you, but you're not giving yourself a chance. you're hung up on a man who will probably never be with you. Back to top tweety Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:34 am    Post subject: You already post this question .....And answer is still the same ...You are just a booty call for him,he is not going to leave his wife for you....You are someone he can come to for a change...You need to wake up and smell the coffee girlfriend.. Back to top kimmer0616 Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:35 am    Post subject: I am sure about 99 percent of everyone else here will tell you the same thing. He is stringing you along. He has no business proposing to you while he is still married to his wife. It is unfortunate and tragic that he has kept deceiving you for this long. If it was really meant to be, he would never have gone back to her the first time. I hope that you can heal and move on. I would cease any and all contact. Period and point blank. Back to top oh_jo123 Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:36 am    Post subject: LEAVE his sorry BUTT and find someone who is WORTH while this is a game to him Back to top NeighborLady Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:37 am    Post subject: It IS about the money - you're saving him thousands on prostitutes. Back to top married31808 Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:37 am    Post subject: listen to the song "stay" by sugarland.......why allow yourself to be the other woman...if he keeps going back to her there's a reason....ever think about that..rather than thinking about "well he always comes back to me...." look at it like this he always goes back to the woman he MARRIED he's not going to leave her but he wants to keep you on the side because he wants his cake and to eat it alllll too...you're being used...respect yourself enough to realize this is not healthy and you need to walk away Back to top The Therapist Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:37 am    Post subject: You should stay in the relationship until you're ready to be loved and respected.Right now, it doesn't appear you deserve that respect so continue to be screwed and given empty promises.Normally, people meet, they date and at some point they make that long-term committment. I'm curious, who taught you that this was as good as it gets? Back to top gingygirl Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 11:38 am    Post subject: Gee that was a lot to justify your position and why this great and wonderful MARRIED man loves you but plays with your heart and emotions like a cat plays with a dead mouse.Get over yourself and get over him - he is using you just like he is using his wife and family. You have no business there - even if he loves you in emails and voice mails and buys you things (wonder what the family is going without so you can have a $2500 ring....)You are the Mistress - you are second, you are behind the wife, you are not in line you are off to the side....this is what you have decided to do. This is the life you have selected. You can't keep blaming this useless hump of a "man" for your back and forth - you are playing right along.Go stay take him back kick him out rescue him drown himPlay the games you want but don't you dare ask for justification, forgiveness or acceptance for those of us who are married and love their spouses and work hard each day to live and love well. Back to top OmgU2 Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 12:13 pm    Post subject: I was the wife of a man like this. He left and came back many times. I finally had enough. He/59. She/38. He's with her now, the problem is now he's cheating behind her back and she doesn't know it. You would be much better off to find someone without his history. He's got you hooked emotionally and has his cake and you know the story. You have no idea about pain and hurt. You chose a married man. He should not have started a relationship with you without finishing what he started. Good Luck! You're going to need it. Back to top Julia Yahoo User Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 12:16 pm    Post subject: Sweetie believe it or not this man has some very serious mental issues. He doesn't even know what he wants let alone what his wife and you need. You have to stop letting him in your life because what is going on here is not real where any love from him is concerned. Has anyone suggested counseling for this man because trust me he needs it big time? Look at his pattern ..he isn't stable he will contact you again because he knows you will be there waiting on him. This man is out of balance and you and his wife are living on a promise that he is going to settle down and chose one of you. Nothing either one of you say or do will change this manand he is not an ideal partner for anybody.You both need to see him for what he is because he is not relationship material. Don't wait around for him to change and make a decision here for you to be happy because an unhappy person cannot give you happiness. Just because a man does good deeds does not mean that he is loyal he could buy you all the diamond rings in the world and if he is not there to see you enjoy wearing it and does not chose to be with you don't buy it!!! He needs to take care in purchasing a divorce if he loves you but he spent the lawyers fee's on purchasing you a ring. He is trying to buy your time and attention through material things and your life is worth more than that. No matter how nice he seems to be and no matter what he has allowed you to feel for him he was out of line in being responsible and in all this time has not come forward and done right by either of you. You would do good for yourself to set him free and turn the expensive ring over to his wife so she can return it for the money she could use in divorcing her husband. I would remove myself from the stress in his life and find somebody else that could and would be there for me and... get as far away from this emotionally abusive man and make a decision for him since he can't. Back to top J J Yahoo User Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 9:54 am    Post subject: It has advanced to the point where its just hurting you to much. I mean "he needs time to make a dec"......is he buying a house?........no!!!.....he is making the choice to come to the women he loves, who is all the things he tells you, you are, who he cannot live without. It is a cycle that is very very emotionally hard on you. You looking to age 10 years every six mos babe?.....you do not deserve the hurt, If i seen the women i love hurting, or cry over one of my actions, or cry because she hurts when she cannot be with me, You could not pry me away from her with a 740 johndeer babe. You are a lover, with a big heart comes much pain. Don't do it to yourself. Do this, realize that, if you back away, he will come to you if he is truthful about how he feels. You are not a damn weight for him to keep placing on the scale of life to see how you measure up to her, and what makes him happy. If the women i loved backed away, id be all over her, leaving lil notes in her car, telling her just how i felt, how i am so happy ive met her, how if she hurt any at all, to let me know, and i would speed the process and come to her NOW!!!....I would NEVER dangle her over the cliff of heartach just to look her in the eye and say....."hold on babe, ill be right with ya".....not after a damn mental debate with no one but me......lol.....Hard for me to think of everything i should tell you. I will sum it up as fast and short as I can........DAMN!!......wish I knew someone like you. You are So loving, and willing to hang on to the last tattered string, in hopes of another day spent with that guy. Even when it hurts. You analize everything said and done, just in hopes that you find a clue he has left telling you that he loves you. You my dear are special in ways you cannot even see. truste me!.....He does not deserve you.......move on.......beware of another half temt of his to retain time for himself and his "scale time" he has planned for you..........hope it works out for you. If not with him, I'm sure some guy will get the chance to enjoy what you have. Back to top

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