polite way not to ask for large wedding gifts.?
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Shelley
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:57 pm Post subject: polite way not to ask for large wedding gifts.? |
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| There is a good chance I will be moving to a new province in 2009 with my job. My boyfriend and I are trying to decide if we want to get married before going up or after. We would be getting married in our home province of Newfoundland either way.Is there a polite way not to ask for large gifts? The ideal gifts would be gift card or money which we could to help start our new life. But I don't want to come across as rude to anyone. I don't expect any gifts but I really don't want to be shipping boxes of dishes and small appliances home. so is there a polite way to suggest if guests want to give gifts they be small or gift cards? Or do most guests do this anyway when the couple has to travel back home?other Family members were married here even though they were living in another province. My family gave mostly money and gift cards because of the expense of shipping costs. So I think people lean towards this any way. The other option we wanted to take was ask our guest not to give gifts and make charitable donations instead. When mention it to some of my family they all said they wanted to give us something for our new lives.I don't expect any gifts I would be happy just for the company of family and friends. We're not going to register anywhere because we don't want to transport too much. |
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**ask linda jo....**
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:02 pm Post subject: |
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| gift cards only please we are moving soon. |
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Ultimate Guitar Hero!
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Hmm...good question. I guess I would say if the people who are attending do know you (which I hope they would) then they should know you will be moving and dont want all of that baggage. Ya know? |
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volcomchick28
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:04 pm Post subject: |
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| You should make a small note of that on the bottom of your invitation. Or if they ask, you could tell them your moving out soon and your not sure of what you need, so gift cards or cash would be preferred. |
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SirenSong
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:05 pm Post subject: |
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| You can't |
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Proud to be 51
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Don't register for any large wedding gifts. People will most likely get you what is on your registry, a gift card, or cash. Congrats on your upcoming nuptials, and good luck on the move! |
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Carica
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:06 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, it's kind of weird to ask for smaller gifts (money) but that's what you got to do. Marry the guy before moving. When you make the invitations add some text about your little problem something like "we would appreciate if you..." Good luch in marriage!!!  |
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fizzygurrl1980
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:08 pm Post subject: |
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| There is no way to politely say "no large gifts," or really to bring up the subject of gifts at all. All you can really do is register for nothing but small items, or have your MOH and bridesmaids spread the word that cash and gift cards are preferable. But you must NOT, by any means, mention anything about that in your invitation. Besides, the guests aren't supposed to bring the gifts to the wedding with them anyway. They're supposed to ship them to either the couple's address or the bride's parents' address about a week before the wedding. If you still end up getting large gifts, just return them at the store for cash or a store credit. |
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Scott R
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:08 pm Post subject: |
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| A positive tone is very helpful, when asking for something like this. You could say "Space is tight-- please bring small gifts or gift cards!" Avoiding negative words like "no" and "don't" maintains a positive message. Notice how the exclamation point makes it sound like you're smiling as you write it! I've heard things like "Thank you for limiting the size of your gifts," as if they've already gone out and picked the small gift. Maybe it would work, I don't know.Don't assume most people will be sensitive to your specific situation. My wife and I had a tiny apartment, and we got more huge stuff than we will ever know what to do with. 6 years later, we're still overfull! Be sure to make it very clear what you would prefer.Also, if you are going to register with a department store, you can save some grief by just not registering for anything big. Some stores let you register for gift cards as well, and that helps, too.Good luck and congratulations! |
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barthebear
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:08 pm Post subject: |
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| There is no polite way. IF you receive large gifts, return them before you move |
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Josette N
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:14 pm Post subject: |
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| You can have gift registry sites with only gift card requests on it. There are stores that are more than happy to give you a GC in return for a returned gift (Target is a big one), but you're moving somewhere where there might not be a Target.Etiquette says that you CAN'T ask for money. Also, you can't send or print where you're registered on your invitation.I'd suggest setting up a Wedding Website (inexpensive, easy, and fun) telling your story. There is a page for your wedding registry there... and if it's on your site, you can explain that you'd rather travel light due to moving costs. People will figure it out.Some good resources also include:http://www.myregistry.com (you can ask for money in your registry, believe it or not, with this website.)Whatever you do, know it's your day, and you're not going to make everyone happy. Have friends and family spread the word that you're moving, GC's and money would be appreciated, if anyone asks, and word will get around. When people bring gifts... and they will... say thanks. And if you can't take it with you, I'm sure you can give it to someone that really needs it!Congrats, and good luck!!! |
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apbanpos
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Don't register for anythingSpread word of mouth - word of mouth - word of mouthIf someone asks you or a close family or friend where you are registered, you/they can just answer that in truth, you did not register anywhere, because you will be moving soon after the wedding and didn't really know what you will need until later. |
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Just tryin' to help
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:24 pm Post subject: |
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| First of all, wait until you are actually engaged before you begin to speculate on what gifts you will get. And wait until you GET the job before you decide on moving for it.When you register, most places have a "preferred delivery" spot where you can say you prefer gifts to be delivered to you at your home.Other than that there is no "polite way" to dictate what guests should give you. As MANY questioners have heard before, just use your immediate family and wedding party to spread the word... |
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aabc44
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:24 pm Post subject: |
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| we are not from around here and not accustomed with the wedding cutoms.But, we had received a bridal shower announcement and we were assigned a theme/room to buy gifts off the registry (bedroom, patio, grill&outdoor, dinnerware, bedding, bathroom etc). So if you have anyone throwing you a shower, tell that person (organizer) your concern.Now, my husband couldn't find the item in the store, so he wrote a check. The soon-to-be-newlyweds sent us a thank-you card saying that they'll use the money for the honeymoon.So, you have a few options:1. Tell the bridal shower organizer and let them deal with the verbiage...2. Register for (small) gifts, and return them before you move (provided the guests enclose the gift receipts with the gift). besides, you're moving anyway and probably not many of your wedding guests will visit you in the new home to see that their gift is not there. 3. Swallow you pride and good manners and say it directly in the invitation why you don't want large gifts (money instead).Regarding your question: i don't know if people usually have in mind that the couple will move soon and not bring gifts, but cash, but I would.. Although, sometimes, I feel awkward giving money, but depending on the situation (moving out, having second child etc.), I would give money instead of buying things. |
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OZZIEGAL
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:35 pm Post subject: |
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| you are treading a very fine line between rude and practical so you really should wait until you have been offered and you have accepted the new job. then you could ask your family and bridal party to spread the word. also if you are doing a wedding bloq on-line you could put a little paragraph in there explaing the huge cost of freight when shipping goods across the country. you could point out that fuel surcharges on top of the normal freight charge in canada are running between 13% and 18%. explain you know its rude to ask but in this case you hope people will understand and offer gift cards as opposed to gifts. if your family and friends are planning showers then as people phone they could tell them the situation and trust people will offer gift cards.if you start asking for money and gift cards before you are positive about the job, and if the offer falls through, people will be rather upset and annoyed with your asking and then not moving - some may even view it as an out and out lie on your part in an effort to get cash as opposed to gifts - so be very sure of yourself before you start asking for money. good luck sweetie and happy wedding! |
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