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joeybowiesmom
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:35 pm Post subject: Why is he acting this way? |
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| I have been married for 2 years this Saturday. We have a 17 month old son. My husband works in the oil field industry and is gone 2 weeks out of the month. I do not work. We both agreed that it is more important that I raise our son. He makes enough money to where we are comfortable but don't have alot of extra money. I am 23 and he is 21. This is just some back story so you can get a better picture of us. Here is the problem. I do not ever feel loved by him. I feel completely ignored by him all the time. He goes to bed early everynight right after our son goes to sleep. Often without even telling me he is doing so. My son goes to bed at 8 BTW. He sleeps until 2pm when it is my turn to get up with the baby. (we switch off every other day) Then goes to bed at pm. for the past year he hasn't bought me a single gift. Not for any holiday...Christmas, my birthday, Valentines day, Mothers Day...nothing. Every day I try to o somethign special for him...within our means. I make him break......fast, I keep the house pretty clean. If I go to the store I will buy him something like a soda or candy bar. Just to be nice. He NEVER does this for me.I want to spend time with him and talk to him. but he just ignores me. I want a relationship, not a roommate. It seems like he is only nice when he wants to dtd with me. Then he gets mad when I don't want to. Like I woul when he treats me like this. I practically beg him to pay attention to me and talk to me and he wont do it. I am very unhappy and he makes me cry all the time. It wasn't like this before. I feel alone in this. I feel like I am the only one that cares about this family and our relationship. He dosn't even seem to care. He never cares when he upsets me or hurts my feelings. He just wants me to leave him alone and let him to whatever he wants and never ask him to do anything. Why is he doing this? Does he not love me anymore?He is home for 2 weeks out of the month. I let him sleep as long as he wants for the first two days then I expect some help. I don't think he would be exhausted for the whole time he is home!! And I am not exageratting at all...this is exactly what he does... |
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Jessy
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:40 pm Post subject: |
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| i think there is definitly something going on. that is not normal. you should tell him exactly how you feel and ask him to tell the truth about whats up. |
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jill_tomlin2000
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:40 pm Post subject: |
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| maybe he is cheating on you |
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dulce_candygirl
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Do you honestly blame him for being exhausted??? sounds like he is just tired of always working plus helping you with your child. Some men don't even try and yours does so just be thankful. You are feeling ignored most likely because you are alone with your son most of the time and you get all kinds of thoughts. My advice is to start doing something in your spare time like joining a gym or becoming apart of some other activity besides your son is growing up why don't you try getting a part time job. Talk to your husband about what your feeling but im pretty sure your just exaggerations things. |
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Ohno
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Suggest counseling for you both.The resentment you feel won't go away by itself, andIt doesn't appear that hubby has a clue.Fix it now, or baby may be raised by a single parent. |
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annie
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:47 pm Post subject: |
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| maybe its time for u to get a little independence,just in case he leaves,he dont give u any explanation for his actions?maybe hes just really tiredother than the 2 weeks is he home with u?DOEs he act like this all the time or only whn he comes back? |
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country girl
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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| There is no good answer to this. It could be that he is just that insensitive and a jerk and doesn't care how you feel. It could be that he is tired and doesn't want to be bothered. It could be that he has someone else. It could be that he doesn't love you. Noone knows but him. Sit down and write a letter telling him what you have told us and how you feel. Make it as long or as short as you want. Proof read it so you have everything in there you want to say. Spend several days on it, maybe even a week. Slip it in his things when he packs to leave so he can find it when he is gone for the two weeks. Then just wait and see if he says anything to you. If he never mentions it then you have your answer. He just doesn't care. At this point it's time to get a job and start saving money back so you can leave or just go ahead and get out. |
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Sandyi
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Leave him and maybe he will wake up! The longer you take it the worse it will get. You have to decide if this is how you want to live. If you stay then you really have no grounds to complain. |
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LISA P
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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| It sounds as though he has fallen out of love with you. Try to sit him down and explain your thoughts and feelings in detail, ask him how he feels about your marriage. If he is not happy then he cant make you happy. If he wants out of the marriage then let him out (no matter how much it hurts). You are already hurting now anyway and you both deserve to be happy even if it means ending the relationship. Your son deserves two happy parents so he can grow and develop in a normal healthy environment.Good Luck |
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dugs678
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:54 pm Post subject: |
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| B epatient this is a time fo radjustment for both. make him a good dinner , wear some revealing clothes and let natuer take its course |
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estty
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:58 pm Post subject: |
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| girl you need to talk to him seriously he sounds like he is cheating, save your heart find out what is he doing make sure he really goes to work for 2weeks for real let him know you guys need to talk about whats going on let him know remember we have a son together i want you to be happy and i also want to be HAPPY try to do something romantic for you guys to bring the romance back in the relationship if nothing change im sorry to tell you but that means his interest is somewhere else and he is just still there for your son's sake |
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Nata_fine
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 9:37 pm Post subject: |
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| I know what you are going through.I have had this same very problem with my husband. I felt completely ignored by my husband too. He would go to work, come home from work, play his video games, spend time with the kids, go to bed and sleep until it was time for him to go to work the next day. He worked afternoon shifts. He always put me on the back burner. Whenever it came down to just me and him, he would just fall asleep. However, he did buy me gifts for the holidays though. That part of your question I have a slight problem with. Maybe the fact that you do not have that much extra money left over in the month could be a reason why he has not bought you gifts.Not every man who forgets to show his wife attention is necessarily cheating, so do not jump to that conclusion unless you have hard evidence. I always say that communication is key. I have yelled and screamed and fought my husband to show some attention to me. That did not help. That just pushed him away more. And the more that I cried, that pushed him away because he did not know how to deal with it. Not that he did not care, he did not know how to deal. Until I started talking things out with him, calmly letting him know how I feel. Then I quietly listened while he told me how he felt. Then we went from there. Things are quiet pleasant now.I do not mean to sound as though I am taking sides. If you feel as though he is cheating on you, then by all means, investigate. Just don't jump the gun. Communicate and let him know how you feel and vice versa. Maybe consider counselling. You will feel better. |
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