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Help - Am I in a controlling, abusive relationship?! Please advise me...?

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Author Message pessimistic Yahoo User Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:11 am    Post subject: Help - Am I in a controlling, abusive relationship?! Please advise me...? I met this guy a year ago, and he seemed so lovely and bought me flowers, gifts etc. Was so loving and I fell for him and we got together... Now he has changed.I was warned about him when I first got with him, but I thought he seemed genuine. His ex who my sister in law happened to know, told my at the time best mate that it was the worst relationship she had ever been in - told her what to do, what to wear, etc. I didn't believe her, just thought it was her, but now...Some of the things he does, like he lies a lot, makes things up like what he's supposedly done in his life, lies about so much that he believes it. He has at times tried to tell me not to show my cleavage. He loses his temper so quick and starts over nothing and blames it on me. I was 5min late for dinner once and he started on me even though it weren't my fault. Get's jealous over my guy mates, will get angry if I don't pick up my phone... I once slapped him cos he upset me so much and I felt he was constantly...cont... trying to get me where he wanted me, and he got very aggressive and bruised my arms - was this my fault?Please don't say I am stupid, I think I am stuck in an abusive relationship. I feel like he puts the blame on me for everything so I stay with him because I think it's me who has the problem, he makes me believe I start everything.He once said I am just with him till someone better comes along, he puts me down a lot, and he just get's angry over the littlest things, I feel like I can't move or talk without setting him off!He ended it with me saying I cause too many arguments(it really isn't me) and I cried and begged him to stay and text and called him but he told me to leave him alone and other times that he missed me and loved me.I feel he is playing games, so I stopped contact with him on Friday - I have not heard from him since. All my friends and family don't like him and say he will ring again wanting me back.PLEASE advise me - where do I go? What do I do? Back to top katya Yahoo User Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:17 am    Post subject: Where do you go? To a trusted family member or friend.What do you do? LEAVE him! It will only get worse. It will be hard, and he will most likely try to make you feel guilty but it's for the better.good luck! Back to top heathnmom04 Yahoo User Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:18 am    Post subject: HELLO.........yes this is abuse any time someone belittles you it is abuse there are different kinds of abuse physical abuse verbal abuse & emotinal abuse abuse is abuse ......you need to get out now & for god sake don't have a child with this man Back to top nsyncerswim01 Yahoo User Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:18 am    Post subject: I would say no matter how much you might want to do not get back together with this man he sounds like a short tempered control freak. Stay away from him and if he tries to contact you ignore it but if he touches you again I would say get a restraining order you might miss him but no man is worth that kinda pain. Back to top scott s Yahoo User Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:21 am    Post subject: .....you ARE in an ABUSIVE relationship my dear...... no doubt about it honestly!.....so get out of it and then stay out of it.....completely....agreed?....Then go see your local mental health professional and find out what's going on with YOU that makes YOU wanna stay with a manipulator like this guy sweetie....k? Back to top Suzanne D Yahoo User Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:21 am    Post subject: You need someone who doesn't care about you to help you sort your feelings. That way you can know that what they say is the truth and not just emotional. That is why people go to counselors like preachers and teachers and psychiatrists and psychologists. It isn't weird and it doesn't make you nutty to ask for help when you need it. Like I've told others before, everyone needs a plumber sometimes, what's the difference in getting help with relationships?Anytime a relationship gets physical like hitting, slapping, shoving or bruising, it is a danger signal. You know the answer to your questions. Just do what you have to do and get away from him. Don't do anything to bring yourself down, just walk away and then if you need protection because you are scared of him call the police or the hospital or look in the yellow pages for a hotline about violence towards women.Be brave and run away from this menace. Back to top rock_steadychic86 Yahoo User Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:22 am    Post subject: You are in a very unhealthy and abusive relationship. It may not be a physical but it is an emotional one. I truly understand how you felt because I went through that kind of relationship to. It cost me to lose my parent's trust in me and my friends turn their back on me. So where you at now, break off with him before he breaks off with you with a smile of triumph on his lips because he gets away with his lies, he controls you at his whims and with a snap of a finger, he gets what he wants. And also he thinks he is the best damn thing in this world when in actual fact he is nothing but a class- A jerk and a a** wipe. Trust me once you get out of it, you will feel much better and wiser and definitely stronger. Back to top Jessica M Yahoo User Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:29 am    Post subject: I was in a similar relationship once. Leaving him and completely cutting him off was the best decision I ever made. It may seem hard now but later you'll think "Why didn't I leave sooner" Just completely put him out of your mind and move on. Back to top l_mole Yahoo User Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 8:07 am    Post subject: My god! I couldnt believe it when i read that, i have been in the exact same situation, im actually wondering if its the same man? And my advice to you is to get out, NOW. dont try and talk to him, he is unreasonable and wont listen to anything you try to say, and it will all be your fault anyway. The man i was with turned me from a stong, confident independant woman, into a snivelling needy wretch, and that is exactly what he wanted to do, and that is what your man wants you to become, and why? Because he is so insecure that he wants to turn you into a clingy submissive needy wretch cos thats what he needs to make him feel good about himself. Oh i remember sobbing on the phone, begging for forgiveness for stuff i hadnt even done, stuff that he had twisted and made up and everything was always my fault. He constantly put me down, would talk about other women, my friends included in a sexual manner, critisise what i wore, oh i could go on all day. And he made stuff up about himself, told lies about himself, and thats because he felt he was nothing, so needed to make out he was something that he wasnt, just like your man does. Then i ended it, almost 4 years ago now, and the mental scars are still there, but they are slowly fading. Please get out of this relationship, its no good, its not healthy and he is mentally torturing you.Good luck! Back to top

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