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Am I making a big deal of things or is this mental abuse???

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Author Message mel Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:34 pm    Post subject: Am I making a big deal of things or is this mental abuse??? Just before I make a big descision here can anyone confirm what I think as I am not sure if i am over reacting.My husband of almost 10 years has always been a bit on the grumpy side but is getting worse, if we run out of bread for example, it escalates into him having a fit stropping around saying " i never get fed" , I bought myself a bottle of wine and it always lasts me for the week yet he says I am an alchoholic but in not so nice language, I look after the house, my ill auntie, the kids and he does not one bit of housework as he "works".My kids do jobs and if they don't do them to his standards he moans and makes them do it again, talking at tea time is a sin as you may drop food on the floor you know!If he doesn't get a brew in the morning it is a personal insult and he gets in a mood for the morning.The list is endless, he calls me allsorts for small things but not every day usually when he is tired, then again he buys all the kids pressies at xmas, nice gifts for me.My question here is what is going on, is he just grumpy or playing mind games, has anyone else gone through this? Does anyone have any advice on how to stop him pestering me if I move as he knows every day I will be at my Aunt's and I do not think a restraining order will do any good, he wouldn't care, could I make sure he doesnt get to take my kids over the weekend's afterwards as he smokes joints and I don't want them around that or his behaviour.Thank you in advance for your answers, i think I just need a bit of confirmation that this is not normal.xBy saying he buys gifts for kids etc I don't mean that makes it ok I mean that he does have a good side on occasion.I don't just take it, If he moans that he "doesnt get fed" then I don't cook him anything. I think he is stressed at work but I,m stressed with all I do in a day and I don't go round moaning at everything.Dear "the Mrs" I do not choose to stay at home instead of work, I am a full time carer for my Aunt who cannot move, speak, get to the toilet etc which believe me is not easy work, yes kids should do jobs but 3 crumbs on the carpet should not involve the whole floor hoovered again, and onto the brew in the morning comment, I like a cuppa in the morning but I am an adult, I get up and make mine 365 days a year without a lie in, I don't lie in bed and ring the house phone to blooming well ask where it is!Dear "the Mrs" I do not choose to stay at home instead of work, I am a full time carer for my Aunt who cannot move, speak, get to the toilet etc which believe me is not easy work, yes kids should do jobs but 3 crumbs on the carpet should not involve the whole floor hoovered again, and onto the brew in the morning comment, I like a cuppa in the morning but I am an adult, I get up and make mine 365 days a year without a lie in, I don't lie in bed and ring the house phone to blooming well ask where it is! Back to top GBmatt Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:38 pm    Post subject: no, emotional abuse Back to top heatherlynn822 Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:38 pm    Post subject: It definitely sounds like your hubby is more that just grumpy....Maybe he would benefit from some counseling.You don't deserve to be mistreated the way you are describing, and neither do your kids.Thats no way to live. Back to top iloveliverpool1900 Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:38 pm    Post subject: Yes it is - sometimes mental abuse is much worse than physical abuse,Dont let this get any worse.... Back to top hello Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:39 pm    Post subject: sounds like he is having a crisis within himself....he takes out on you his reflections of himself Back to top Victoria Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:39 pm    Post subject: What an ***hole! DO NOT overlook it just because he buys you pretty things! Back to top Louielouie Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:39 pm    Post subject: He sounds like a twat but its up to you to decide whether you want to spend your life with a grumpy git, i say, get yourelf a life outside the marraige, earn some of your own money..take a deep breath and then leave him! Or at least pretend to do all that and see what he does! Back to top Hassan S Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:39 pm    Post subject: bash your husband on the head with the wine bottle a few times.maybe that will straighten up his head Back to top Stephanie Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:39 pm    Post subject: No one has the right to talk to anyone with abusive language. It soulds as though you are terribly unhappy and you are being used as a mere slave rather than a wife.....If your hanging on egg shells then maybe its time to do something about itIt does sound like you are being emotionally abused. Back to top I'm a gem Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:39 pm    Post subject: sounds a lot like one of my grandpas. Back to top bamaglory Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:40 pm    Post subject: i would say mental abuse.... Back to top nickipettis Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:40 pm    Post subject: it is emotional abuse.it sounds like your husband is way closer to being an alcoholic than you.Gifts at Christmas don't make up for the daily stress you are going through, in my opinion.You might want to check into Al-anon - i think you will hear many stories similar to yours. Back to top foxy85 Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:40 pm    Post subject: What you've described just doesn't sound very nice at all and you need to be respected for your role in the home, because it is equal to his "work". Is he stressed at work, is this where the root of the problem lays? Perhaps get marriage counselling...or take a holiday as this may cheer him up. Talk to your family and see what they say, as they are more likely to know whether you are being mentally abused or not. If you feel that you or you kids are in danger, please do just get out of there. Best wishes darling x Back to top pie4535 Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:40 pm    Post subject: He's probably getting to that mid-life crisis age. YOu need to talk to him, but make sure you do it nicely. Though you may not understand why hes being so gruff, he may have his reasons. Just let him know that you're there for him. You day will come when you're a bit moody all the time.I'm not saying sit there and take it, but I wouldn't get too rash about it either. Back to top joanne742660 Yahoo User Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 4:41 pm    Post subject: He doesn't sound very happy! Neither do you. Do you talk about it? It's hard to comment without knowing how you got to this point. Has he always been this way?I think you need to tell him how you feel and if necessary that you are thinking of leaving of him so he realises how serious you are. I would go easy at first though as he may be as unhappy as you - you may talk about it, realise it's really easy to put right and have a good laugh about it!Do you do anything together? Meal out - night out together? Sounds to me like a typical marriage in a rut maybe - you need to put the romance back in it, both of you. Back to top

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