	Gift Search:

FAQ

Every gift I send to my daughter in law, I get an impersonal text back saying thank you. Should I be offended?


	Gift Discussion Home -> Christmas

Author

Message

Corey H
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 9:43 am Post subject: Every gift I send to my daughter in law, I get an impersonal text back saying thank you. Should I be offended?

I have sent Mother's Day gifts before her child was born, made baskets of baby clothing for my grandbaby, sent her birthday gifts, and Christmas gifts and have only recieved text messages saying thank-you- no notes or telephone calls. I put a large amount of effort into making these gifts as personal and from the heart that I could. I have called her to go to lunch and she never returns the call. I am wondering if she just does not like me, or that she has poor manners when it comes to me. My son calls me out on all things that she find offensive, but I am not allowed to say anything. I need some outside help to figure out if I am reading in to things, or if there really seems to be something negative going on.

Love My Hubby - Hate His
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 9:48 am Post subject:

Your DIL is incredibly rude. She sends you a TEXT message to say thank you?!?! Lordy, lordy, this girl is quite lost.Next time you have a gift giving opportunity, get her this book: http://www.amazon.com/Manners-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior-Freshly/dp/0393058743This might give her a hint.And let your son know that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. If he points out to you all the things she finds offensive about you, you should be free to do the same. If he doesn't wish to be stuck in the middle, then he shouldn't be relaying any of it, as this does considerably more harm than good. It sounds like your DIL doesn't even want to try to get along with you, although I admit I don't know the whole story. As you can tell by my user name, I can't stand my MIL, but I am always polite to her, and I don't expect my husband to tell her what I don't like about her, as this would only make our relationship worse.I feel for you.I strongly suggest telling your son to stop telling you everything his wife doesn't like about you and adjusting your expectations of your DIL. Your hopes of a better tomorrow with her and appreciation for the thought you put in to the gifts you buy are probably unrealistic.

midnightmoon62
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 9:49 am Post subject:

No, its not rude. This is the information and technology age. That is how the younger generation talks, converses, interacts. Its not rude at all.

Sphinx Rising
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 9:53 am Post subject:

Not meaning to be rude, but what do you expect, for her to some over with marching band doing back flips and cartwheels the entire time and present you with a medal ?The fact that she takes time to send you a card thanking you should be enough, as many do not even do that much, so consider yourself lucky.

startwinkle05
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 9:53 am Post subject:

If she acts ok toward you otherwise, I wouldn't say that she doesn't like you, just that she wasn't taught the importance of a hand-written thank you. That being said, she IS also busy trying to raise her child and maybe she just wants to say thank you before she forgets. I really would try not to read too much into the texted thank you messages.

Rebecca W
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 9:56 am Post subject:

This is rude on her part, but I think that's out of ignorance, not the intention to be, if that helps. At least she bothers to say thanks, which a lot of people don't. I'm sorry it's not better, but it doesn't seem to be your fault. It might just be the way it's going to be. Just set a good example yourself for your grandkids.

Suzannah
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 9:56 am Post subject:

You are between the Devil and The Deep Blue Sea. If you tell her or your son they are behaving rudely (which they BOTH are in a big way) you risk damaging the relationship. If you let it go, you feel hurt inside.Daughters-in-law often resent the mother for no particular reason. I think its that same-sex-rivalry. I don't envy you.Here is something I read a long time ago, and I remind myself of it from time to time:"The real test of good manners is the ability to put up with bad manners." Any boy, you've got some bad manners going on there.

HarleyKat
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 10:06 am Post subject:

I think it is incredibly rude, and unfortunately probably the cause of her parents not teaching her such manners and niceties from childhood.I am not sure if there is anything you can do to change her ways, especially if you feel you cannot say something direct to her. But you COULD use some "reverse psychology" in sending her messages that might make her realize how her actions affect others! ;O) Since you are Grandma to her child...the next time that you bestow a gift on the child, include a packet of thank you cards, stamps, etc...and let DIL know that you wanted to help defray the costs in sending out thank you notes to everyone who was so thoughtful. Explain how it is NEVER too early to start such a practice, and that her child will then get into the habit of such, at an early age. :O) Even if the child is an infant or toddler, mom should be sending out thank you's...either from herself or written as if it were from the child. (IE: Johnny says thank you for the wonderful rocking horse...it seems to be his newest favorite toy to play on!)And while technology has definitely grown to such levels..common manners should still be in existence! :O)My mom once included a self addressed, stamped, post card in a gift to one of my kids who went astray from their manners, momentarily...she filled it out so that they could check it off...just to prove a point...which worked!

cutiepie81289
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 10:10 am Post subject:

she is rude and she doesn't even return your phone calls! I'd get a hold of her and ask what problem she has with you.

next?
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 10:38 am Post subject:

You really need to stop any and all gifts...then when your son mentions this, simply say I never received a call from her or a thank you note so i decided to save my money. I honestly don't know why you put yourself out to this extent when the woman is a total b*tch and your son runs interference for her, what a relationship. Ignore them both and improve your life significantly.Next time your son complains about what she has against you, tell him what you have against her.

SisterSue
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 10:41 am Post subject:

Youch. You are in a major tough spot.If she is texting you thank you's - at least you are getting something....but if she isn't returning your phone calls, then it sounds like she is uncomfortable with you for some reason. Here are my two opinions on the subject:1. The gifts - put alot of time and effort into them because it makes you feel good that you have done something nice for someone. Gifts are gifts, don't expect anything for them in return. This is something I had to learn the hard way as well. Now I give something or do something for someone because I want to and know they will like it, and I don't expect anything in return...even though a person ought to be nice and say thank you at least. People are incredibly rude these days. 2. At this juncture, if you are getting chewed out by your son despite your best intentions....stop trying to make things work between your DIL and yourself. She will either come around or not. You can't make her want to be a nice person to you. Plan your normal family events, ask to watch and see the grandbaby and keep it at that. Don't put any more effort into that relationship with her, its not worth the heartache. Be nice and cordial to her when you see her, but stop trying. Its not worth it. If your son gets mad at that, simply as him what does he think you should do in this situation, because you've clearly made an effort and you are tired of it being one sided.Good luck!

fionaclaire
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 11:00 am Post subject:

I understand what you mean. We took our son to his classmate's 3rd birthday party at Chucky E. Cheese. We didn't even know his classmate and her parents' well. But we gave the little girl a princess themed edible birthday gift. In her princess themed gift bag was a princess rice krispie treats, princess fruit snacks, and princess cereal. Every one of those was gift wrapped and had my son's first and last name and email address on it, so they knew who gave it, including the gift bag. Well we didn't receive a thank you note regarding the gift, not even a thank you note via email. When people are usually invited to a birthday party, then a gift is expected. The givers should also receive a thank you note from the recipients as well, regarding the gift. A birthday party is not an excuse to NOT send out thank you notes.This doesn't motivate me to continue sending gifts to recipients who can't write a thank you note or thank you email. All I can say is that you are doing a good job thinking about her and sending her gifts. Maybe your daughter in law wasn't raised with good manners. Know that you are the bigger person. You should continue sending her gifts only if YOU feel like it, not because she doesn't elaborate on her text messages besides "thank you" but because it's a special occasion and you thought about the person and that's why you want to send the gift. Think of it that way. Maybe in the future, you can include a small note with the gift saying something like "Let me know what u think of this gift."Otherwise, you can just consider just mailing a greeting card to her instead, to acknowledge the special occasion (ie. birthdays, christmas, anniversary, mother's day, etc)Maybe when ure relationship is stronger you can resume sending her gifts.Hope this helps!

lynnlynn
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 11:42 am Post subject:

It does sound like maybe your daughter-in-law doesn't want to talk to you or spend time with you. And it does indeed seem rather rude to send a text message in response to a significant gift from one's mother in law.With that said, what you can do? Read the handwriting on the wall, I suppose, is the best solution. For whatever reason, your daughter in law doesn't seem to be interested in your offers of relationship. Deepening a relationship does require some give and take on both parts. If you find yourself doing all the giving (which it seems is the case with the gifts and invitations) and she isn't interested in reciprocating; you can't force it.I don't know you or her so I won't presume that either is just evil. But maybe there is something going on there that warrants introspection and maybe it's some flaw on her part.But if it were me, I wouldn't put myself out anymore on her behalf and just accept that she doesn't want any closer of a relationship with me than what we have. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be ugly to her or try to make them feel remotely guilty for not spending time with me or calling, etc. I would send her a card or gift for an occasion if I wanted to, but nothing so big that it warrants a large enough thank you for me to be mad about not getting. I hope that makes sense.I once sent a relative a check when their child was born because we had talked and they mentioned they needed some money. Well, I never got a thank you back (but I know she cashed it). I didn't harbor any resentment, I just made a mental note that she probably doesn't appreciate getting checks from me and doesn't feel that close to me so she won't have to be burdened with one in the future. No harm done...I'm willing but if it's not appreciated I certainly don't want to offend.

Stacey I
Yahoo User

Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 12:32 pm Post subject:

I don't think so. It's 2008 and A LOT of people communicate through text messaging. I'm not a fan of texting but it's the generation. It's not poor manners. At least she responded by sending a text saying thank you rather than nothing at all.

	Gift Discussion Home -> Christmas	All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1

Source: