Another lousy day with the stepchildren, plz help!??/!?
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???now what???
Yahoo User
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 Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:22 pm Post subject: Another lousy day with the stepchildren, plz help!??/!? |
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| My husband of over a year has 3 kids. One is older and he seems cool. The other 2 are an 18 year old boy and 19 year old girl. They NEVER speak to me. When we meet, they don't say "hello", they don't say "goodbye." My husband doesn't see the dirty looks of them staring me down while I'm driving. He keeps making excuses for them. Like, it's ok that they are doing this because they have been through so much. All I ask is that he tell them to be cordial. That's it. I have brought them graduation, birthday, and christmas gifts. Even gave them both a birthday party. Never a thank you note or call. In the past month I have graduated from college, had a birthday, and anniversary and they've said NOTHING. My little boy always makes them cards and tries to be nice and they are very rude. We went to the restaurant that the daughter just started working at, she get's everything half off. We ordered water and shared 2 appetizers. They said they weren't going to pay for my part. Help?!I was not the cause of the break-up. Their mother was on drugs and had an affair with his best friend. They even had threesomes when he was in the hospital with cancer. She wiped him out financially. She never came home and was always out messing around. I didn't know meet him until after she had moved out a couple of years before. |
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glynnismaree
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm not trying to be mean but they sound like spoiled brats don't let them bother you . there too old to be acting like that. |
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Shalom Yerushalayim Ã
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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| This one's easy!Lady, GREAT NEWS! Look how much money you''ll save by1. not buying them ANY cards for ANY occasion (you'll save on postage too)2. not buying them ANY presents for ANY occasion. 3. See below for what I've done to these sorts beforeWhen a person, especially an adult-aged person, acts like you don't even exist, GIVE THEM EXACTLY THAT. Here's what I mean: if they speak, you don't hear them. Remember, you "don't exist." If they look at you, you don't see them. You don't look at them either cuz, remember: you "don't exist."If you don't go to eat at the restaurant she works at, she cannot dis you, right? If your husband wants to go there and eat, you can still go without being offended because remember: you "don't exist." The most important part of this to remember is that because you "don't exist" in that person's view, then they don't have to be acknowledged by you, the "non-existent" person. You won't hurt their feelings cuz you "don't exist" when it comes to them. I did this to a couple of different coworkers who treated me this way. They got the message after a few months. In summary, don't mistreat them. Don't treat them at all! If you can, keep your little one away from them until AFT ER they get THE MESSAGE and straighten their *sses up. Please don't subject his young feelings to their hurt. This could take many weeks, many months, maybe longer. Stay strong and stand strong. Some people have to be SHOWN what they do to other people. Only you'll be much nicer about it cuz you won't be mistreating them the way they've mistreated you and your little boy. You just won't be treating them AT ALL. Believe me: they'll GET IT. |
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Sweet
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:38 pm Post subject: |
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| If you were the one that caused your husband to divorce your stpechildren's mom then don't expect them to be nice to you. They will always see you as the person that destroyed their family. |
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sandy d
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:39 pm Post subject: |
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| sounds like fun. i don't know why people think step families are going to be the brady bunch. it just does not happen. i do feel sorry for you. unfortunately, they just don't like what your are not who you are. you will just have to do the best you can. i know of a couple right now both in their eighties and have been married for ten years and his "kids" have really been working on him and he left his wife. this is just so typical of remarriages. i know you are in a tight spot but when they get a little more going on in their own lives maybe it will get a little better. if it gets worse, maybe you and your husband could consider getting some counseling. good luck |
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free_angel
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Stop buying them things and refuse to pay for their meals, etc. |
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szegv
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Unless you have participated in raising the kids, you do not get to have the title Step-Mom and you should not behave as their step-mom.Treat them civilly and nothing more. They are young and hurt that their parents divorced. It is not your fault, but they need to blame someone and its simply easier to blame you rather than mom or dad. Take a giant step back and distance yourself from them until they can learn to behave like adults. |
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wow
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 9:08 pm Post subject: |
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| confront them ask what the problem is.tell them that you love their father very much and would love to have a nice relationship with them also .let them know please be honest let me know what is wrong .might be their mom has put something in their head about you or they may feel the same way you do.always communicate because it helps to know where people are coming from even if the problem stays the same .I would try not to put your husband in the middle the won't work out well for you those kids will always be there if he is a good loving dad but wifes can be removed or replaced. |
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CAD
Yahoo User
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 11:31 pm Post subject: |
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| Dad needs to step in and teach his kids some manners. He should insist they treat you with respect and quit making excuses for them. Seems like Dad is the problem here, not the kids. |
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