Is my first chapter good?

candygyrl0711 · Yahoo User

The night was young and the moon and stars lit up the sky. Auburn leaves rustled around outside in the courtyard. A cold autumn breeze flowed gently through the stain glass windows. Inside the room was filled with golden furniture that glittered in the candlelight. A little girl quietly hummed a lullaby while playing in her vanity mirror.A young woman who was probably in her early twenties entered the room. Her face went from calm to mortified when she saw what the child was doing. “Princess! No, no, no”, she screamed. Her fingers pointed towards the lipstick tube and it levitated out of the girls tiny hand. “How many times have I told you not to play with your mother’s make up? We only have a few minutes until your to be announced at the ball”, she said beginning to wipe the child’s face. “I’m sorry Relda. I just wanted to look pretty like Mommy tonight. Are you mad at me”, the child said sweetly. The young woman sighed, “No, I’m not mad at you. I just wish you would listen to me when I tell you not to do something. Now hurry up and head downstairs. Your parents said they have a gift for you.” The child’s delicate face glowed with delight. She put on her tiara and headed quickly down the spiral staircase.“There’s my darling”, her mother said. She was beautiful woman and her face sparkled with youth and vigor. The child ran gracefully into her mother’s welcome arms. “Mommy! Mommy! I was going to put on make up so I could look pretty like you but Relda wouldn’t let me”, she complained. “I’m glad she didn’t. Sweetie, your too young to wear makeup. Besides your already going to be the prettiest girl at the ball tonight. You don’t need a drop of lipstick”, she said amused. “But…you could take off some of that blush you attempted to put on.” She licked her thumb and wiped some of the smudged blush that was gracing her daughter’s forehead. The child held still impatiently, “Mommy, Relda said you and Daddy have a gift for me.” “Oh, yes! Desmond. Desmond! Should we give it to her now”, she called.“I’m coming Sabrina! If you’ll excuse me”, he said to the group of polished men he was talking too. He walked down the hallway to his wife and child. The girl got down from her mother’s arms and jumped up and down excitedly. “What is it Daddy? What is it”, she said with eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets. He smiled to see his daughter so elated. He pointed his finger at a box sitting on a table. A glittery light flashed and it floated across the room into his hands. The girl grew even more excited. “Well I wasn’t going to give you this tonight but…”, he started. “Since this is the night of the Grand Ball I think would be perfect to give this to you now. Here you go darling”, he said putting the satin box into the child’s hungry hands. She untied the ribbons quickly and opened the box.Inside was a beautiful heart shaped locket. It was gold with hundreds of tiny diamonds that engraved shapes of roses in it. The diamonds sparkled in her hazel eyes. “It’s beautiful”, she gasped. Her mother flashed a dazzling smile. She hugged both of her parents tightly and shouted, “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” She turned it over and over in her hands trying to figure out how to open it. She sighed in frustration, “I can’t open it.” Her mother took off a chain with a rose shaped diamond at the end of it. “Let me show you”, she said trying to stifle a smile. The pendant fit right into an indent in the locket that the princess didn’t notice before. The locket opened effortlessly and the princess smiled at what she saw inside. On one half of the locket there was a message in that read, “To our beautiful Princess, Love Sabrina and Desmond.” On the other half there was a miniature portrait of the family. A sweet melody played and the princess looked around and realized that it was coming from the locket. It was her favorite lullaby. The princess sang along with the melody and twirled around the room. “Keep both of those necklaces close to you okay so you’ll be able to open it”, her mother warned.“Your majesty,” a man called from down the hallway. “It’s Time!” The royal family walked gracefully down the hallway to a long red curtain. “You’ll be announced first Princess”, he whispered to the girl. She nodded and positioned herself in the middle of the curtain. “Introducing…”, an announcer boomed loudly. The curtain began to pull back. She could see the bright lights off the ball room and the hundreds of well dressed guests looking towards her. “The Grand Princess of Salem…”, he continued. She began to step through curtain into the limelight. He called her name but it was muffled by the sound of a grandfather clock off in the distance turning to seven o’clock. Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong……Beep Beep! Beep Beep! Beep Beep! Damn it, I said to myself. I flustered around my dark room looking for my alarm clock. The red flashing lights flashed seven A.M. over and over again. I bumped into my dresser and stumbled over my roller skates. I turned off the alarm clock and moved my hands along the wall to turn on the lights. Stubbing your toe is one hell of way to wake up in the morning.I wiped the crust from eyes and looked over at the kitty calendar on my wall. Under Saturday it read Graduation Day in bright red sharpie. I sighed and tried to forget the wretched event I would have to undergo in a few hours.Instead I tried to place my thoughts on the dream I just had. The same dream I’d been having ever since last week when I turned eighteen. I knew the dream by heart now but I couldn’t figure out why I kept having it. My mom told me dreams are messages from your inner conscience but I couldn’t figure it out. What could a little princess have to do with me?I contemplated that as I took a shower letting the hot water ease my tension. It wasn’t the graduating part that unnerved me. In fact that was the only thing that gave me the courage to get out of bed this morning…well that and my blaring alarm clock. No, the thing that terrified me the most was walking across the huge stage in front of all my peers. The same ones who tormented me for the past thirteen years of my life.For as long as I can remember, I was always the different kid. The kid who gave people a weird feeling when I entered a room. The kid who always seemed to be the source of paranormal events. The kid who was… green. No, not the "Save the Planet" kind of green but the "THAT GIRL HAS GREEN SKIN" green. I thought I was black but when I turned nine my skin began to develop a green tint. My mom thought it was because I had a cold or flu but it just wouldn't go away. With each passing year it got one shade darker. By the time I was thirteen I was full blow green.My doctor said it was just a harmless skin condition and he gave me hundreds of creams, and gels, and pills to try. But nevertheless, I was still green and a weird skin condition was no excuse to my peers. They thought I was an alien, but how could I be? I only watched Star Wars one time. I wasn't even into space stuff so how could I be an alien. But, it didn't help that strange occurrences always happened when I was around.These events usually happened when someone upset me. When someone angered me some part of their body would simultaneously catch on fire. If someone made me cry¾ which happened often¾ the sprinklers would suddenly go off. During all of these times I noticed that my fingers would tingle and it seemed that electricity was flowing through them. It didn’t occur to me at the time because I was either ranting about whoever made me mad or wiping the tears that were flooding my face but I did ponder it later. I got out of the shower, put on my dress clothes, and headed downstairs. My parents were sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast. “There’s my baby girl”, my dad said with a huge grin. I sat down in front of a plate of food and orange juice. I stared down at my food afraid to take a bite. My mom looked over at me with a concerned look, “Eat up! I’m not going to let you go to graduation without taking a bite of food.” “My stomach hurts”, I replied solemnly. “Your stomach doesn’t hurt. It’s probably just butterflies because your nervous. Now eat”, she said sternly. I slowly took a bite out of my waffle. Butterflies…please! Butterflies couldn’t be this lethal. It had to be some creature from hell that was inconveniently in my stomach on the one day when I didn’t need to feel like throwing up every minute. I finished my breakfast with one painstaking bite after another. My parents chatted quietly and reminisced on my childhood. These stories usually started off with “Do you remember that time when Zita…”, and finishing with some quirky thing I did. I just listened to the stories and smiled relishing on the few good memories of my childhood. Excluding thoughts about getting pushed into the muddy grass, being the target for thrown food, and the awful memory of my crush of eight years who thought it would be funny to ask me to prom, wait for me to excitedly say yes, and then yell out “APRIL FOOLS!” in front of all his friends. Yes, it was those memories I excluded as I headed up the stairs to get ready.I walked into the bathroom to figure out something to do with my unruly hair. My hair was long, black, and curly. The curls were always in clumps and I could almost never run a comb through it without it breaking. I decided to let my hair hang flat on head and moved on to applying makeup. This was a task because I had to apply multiple layers before any color would show on my face. I look at the image of myself in the mirror and indulged myself in some self-loathing before heading downstairs. Oh crap, I yelled and ran back up stairs. How could I forget my graduation robe? I quickly threw it on and tossed the cap on my head. My hair fluttered against my face as I ran down the stair case skipping two steps at a time. I could hear the sound of the car horn from the driveway. My parents were waiting impatiently. We were already five minutes late.“Alright, are you ready to graduate baby”, my mom asked me as I climbed into the back seat of the cherry Toyota. I sighed, “I don’t really have a choice do I.” We drove in the thirty minute ride to the auditorium where they were holding this dreadful event. As each minute passed I wished more and more that my mom would let me stay home and wait for my diploma in the mail. But, she promised me a car if I would let her have the joy of seeing her only child graduate. I complied because come on…who would pass up a free car?We arrived in the parking lot twenty minutes pass the time I was supposed to be there. All thanks to the insane traffic of Atlanta, Georgia. The car came to a smooth halt inside a handicap parking space. My dad, Brandon, pulled out an old handicap tag from the passenger side compartment. The tag once belonged to my Grandpa Mike who recently stayed with us until my parents had grown tired of his midnight streaking through the neighborhood, and decided a nice retirement home would suit him best. But, the expiration date had yet to expire on his handicap tag and my father said it was only to be used in emergencies when there was no close parking space. I looked outside my window and saw row upon row of parked cars. Yup, this was an emergency. I just prayed nobody would notice three full-bodied people walking from a handicap parking space. My mom, Niecey, fussed at me to hurry into the auditorium. I hopped out the car hurriedly hoping I wasn’t the only one who was late. As I ran across the street I felt a huge smack against my side. I felt my self rolling and then hitting the hard rough pavement. Through the pain I was able to lift my head of the ground to see a car stopped next to me. I heard the zipping sound of a car window being rolled. I looked up a little higher and saw the plastic face of Tanya, the most popular girl in school. Her face was filled with annoyance. Her shrill high pitched voice blasted into my ear drums, “Gosh Zita! Can’t you look before you cross the street? Ugh, keep going Quincy.” I looked over her shoulder and saw Quincy , my former crush of eight years. He was laughing in his absurd obnoxious laugh. They drove off and left me there in the street. I felt a pang of stupidity for actually liking that self-absorbed, self righteous, shallow, little bas¾ “Baby! BABY! Oh my gosh! Are you okay”, my mom asked terrified. She was standing over me helping me off the ground. My dad rushed over to help. “Who were those kids? They didn’t even stop and help you”, he said with anger rising in his voice. My parents asked me a dozen questions and after five minutes of reassuring them that I was fine and I didn’t need to see a doctor, they let me go inside. I pretended like I didn’t know who ran over me because I didn’t want any trouble or to ever have to see them again after today. Besides…it was technically my fault for running into the street. But, they still could have helped me.I walked to the back entrance of the auditorium were they trying to line up a class of six hundred and fifty six seniors alphabetically. When I entered it seemed like the loud chit chat of the room seemed to turn to whispers. Were they all staring at… me? I took a deep breath and walked over to an administrator who was pointing out directions. “Name…F’s should be right about there…to your left…your other left”, she sighed and pointed another student to where they should be. I approached her calmly. “Name”, she said with a bored tone. “I’m…um…uh…”, I said with my words stumbling. The demon creature in my stomach was getting to me. She looked up from her clipboard. “Oh…your Zita Maycott”, she stated. Not asked. How could she know my name but I had never once been sent to the office? Why was it that nearly everybody in my school new my name but I didn’t know half the people in my grade? “You should probably be close to where Miss Mayton is standing. You know who she is right”, she asked pointing to the girl I hated the most. I nodded and stood in front of “Miss Mayton” and behind a girl with the last name of Masil.“Miss Mayton” better known in my mind as Tanya, was standing around talking with her followers. I was standing alone, quietly drifting my thoughts to happier place when she stood in front of me with a smirk on her face. Tanya and her friends started snickering and whispering something I knew had to be about me. “Zita…I love your outfit”, she said smirking. I looked down at my robe. The blue metallic fabric was now all covered in dirt and oil stains. It looked horrible and my mouth dropped. This seemed to amuse Tanya and her friend seeing as they roared with laughter. They reminded me of hyenas from the animal channel and that thought saved me from breaking into tears.I tried to just ignore them but there hurtful comments ripped through my ears. “She looks so weird. I mean what did she do? Take a bath in the trees.” “Zita’s feet are so big! Gross!” “No matter how much make up she applies, she’ll never fix that ugly face of hers.” Tears burned like an inferno in my eyes. I wanted to cry but I didn’t want to let them win. Why did their opinions matter? They were only a group of pampered, annoying, plastic, little whor¾ “Wholey Moley Zita! What happened to your robes?” I turned and Mr. Gifford, the head administrator was gawking at me. Again how he knew my name I wasn’t sure. Tanya and her friends quickly went back to their assigned positions. I shrugged as he approached me with a look of disapproval. “We can’t let you go on stage looking like this”, he said. My heart did a back flip with excitement. I wanted to hug him and run shouting down the street but I kept still to hear his instructions.“I knew something like this might happen. Go over to that box in the corner and put on a different robe”, he said sternly. I felt a whole new heap of despair as I walked over to the box, undoubtedly being watched by several pairs of eyes. I opened the box and groaned. Inside were old graduation robes. The blue metallic color had faded and lint ravaged the robes. I pulled them out one by one looking for one that would fit my small figure. After I found the smallest size possible in the box, I switched the robes. I sighed glumly as I looked down at my robe. It was to long to fit my five foot five frame. I walked back to my space in line trying my hardest not to trip on the robe. Tanya and her friends started their rant about me again but I cleared it out my mind. I let my thoughts drift away to the beach resort I saw in an ad in the newspaper. This thought calmed me but then I heard the heart wrenching sound of someone speaking into a megaphone.The administrator told us to file into the auditorium. As we entered the large room I scanned across the room and saw my mom waving wildly and my dad taking a million pictures. Their presence comforted me and I took my seat in the reserved rows. The ceremony started and I found myself daydreaming during the hour presentation of speeches and dull performance of the “Star Spangled Banner”. They started calling up names to the front of the stage. As I got closer to the stage the monster in my stomach danced sending my breakfast to my throat. I gulped trying to push back it back down. “Look at Zita. She looks diseased”, I heard a piercing voice say. I looked over at Tanya who was snickering with her friend. My queasiness seemed to turn to pure anger. I hadn’t done anything to her and yet she insisted on making me feel like hell. They called her name and she walked across the stage. My anger was boiling now and electricity seemed to flow through my fingers.A gust of wind ripped open a side entrance. In flew a very large raven who made it’s way over to Tanya. It picked and pulled at Tanya’s hair. She shrieked and ran off the stage. The crowd gasped and murmuring voices filled the room. I looked shocked but then I laughed a little to myself. The electricity in my fingers was gone.My new found amusement eased my nerves. I walked across the stage to receive my diploma glad that nobody was paying attention. They were looking towards the door were Tanya had run out screaming.After about a hundred more names were called things settled. I heard Quincy’s name get called. Watching him strut across the stage sickened me. He had that same “I’m too sexy for my body” smirk on his face that I once found adorable. The memory of him yelling out “APRIL FOOLS” rang in my head. I could start to feel electricity in my fingers again as anger built up in my chest.He reached out his over-lotioned, manicured hand to get his diploma but another strong blew open the side entrance. In flew not one, but four ravens. They circled over his head. I had never seen Quincy so afraid. The corners of my mouth started to turn in a smile but I suppressed it. One raven swooped down and put droppings on his robe. Two other ravens followed in suit leaving Quincy looking shocked and disgusted. He looked up at the last raven who swooped down and planted a dropping right on his face. My self control betrayed me. I went off in my loud cackle and my sides began ripping at the seams. The look on his face was too priceless. I could see through tears people looking over at me. I didn’t care because this was the last time I would have to see any of them and their sharp stares. Quincy wiped off the white liquid that was dripping down his cheeks. He then squealed like a five year old and ran off the stage. This made me laugh harder. After a few minutes everyone settled down again. I sighed smiling. A perfect example of Karma in it’s prime.A lot of people have been telling me to work on the dream sequence so i'll definately work on that.